by Golda Poretsky, H.H.C.
www.bodylovewellness.com
Listen to the podcast of this post here:
Lot’s of very well meaning people, when they find out what I do for a living, say something to the effect of:
“Right on! Real women have curves!”
I know they mean well. They’re saying that women’s bodies are more curvaceous than the emaciated bodies that are often held as an ideal by the media. But the whole concept drives me bonkers. And if it hasn’t driven you bonkers yet, let me explain why it drives me bonkers and you may end up agreeing with me.
1) Women Are Women, Curvy Or Not — Women’s bodies (just like men’s bodies) come in a diverse range of shapes. There are plenty of curvy thin women and curvy fat women, not curvy thin women and not curvy fat women. There are plenty of fat women with proportionately small hips and proportionately big hips. There are plenty of thin women with the same. Same for breasts. Same for everything. There are also some men with bigger hips and smaller hips and bigger breasts and smaller breasts. In other words, there are plenty of “real women” who are not f-ing curvy and are still quite real, and sometimes even, quite fat.
2) What The Heck Is A Real Woman, And Why Should We Care? — Personally, I think that anyone who identifies as a woman is a woman. I don’t really care if she has curves or a vulva or whatever. I’m guessing that if you’re reading this blog, you probably don’t care to much about it either. But aside from that, does it help anything to refer to larger women as “real”? Does that make thin women fake? Or not really women? Ugh. See item #4.
3) Can We Just Say FAT For Once? — I personally hate the curvy euphemism. I hate it more than most others, like large or even plus size (though I agree with Queen Latifah that plus size should be “buried“). Curviness has way more to do with chest/waist/hip ratio than anything else, and I think our fixation on those measurements has added to the negative way that most women view their bodies for decades.
4) Relegating Thin Women To A Lesser Status Isn’t Helpful — I realize that bigger women have been put down, discriminated against, considered non-ideal, and worse, and that is really, really wrong and needs to change. But I don’t think the way to create that change is to try to prove that bigger is better. How about we just start to see that bigger is great too. We don’t have to relegate ourselves to a scarcity model of beauty and “realness” belong to only a select few. Perhaps one doesn’t have to be better than the other. Perhaps we can see that there’s a thing called body diversity, that beauty comes in all shapes and sizes, and that attraction is viable among people of varying weights.
So, yes, real women have curves, and don’t have curves, and whatever, at least that’s what I think. Let me know what you think in the comments section below!
Golda Poretsky, H.H.C. is a certified holistic health counselor who specializes in transforming your relationship with food and your body.
Loved this post, I get so tired of hearing people throw out phrases like ‘real woman’ without really thinking what it might mean or imply. You got me thinking about how this might pertain to men, so I did some brain-storming of my own:
http://arenomore.wordpress.com/2011/06/11/real-men-real-women/
Thanks again for talking about this!
Well said. I’ve always been thin and have often heard comments like, “You’re so skinny, I hate you.” I gotta say I’m getting tired of being told that’s some kind of compliment. Jealousy, judgment and hate flatter neither party.
@Vanessa, Amen! I had a friend in high school who used to call me “anorexic,” and when I got upset she would actually say that she “meant it as a compliment.” Seriously? Wtf? Anorexia is a disease! If told her that her body made her look like she was struggling with a major health issue, I’m pretty sure she wouldn’t have taken it well, regardless of how I “meant” it.
Thanks to Julia @ Glow Health Coaching for sharing this. I couldn’t agree more! I have always been called skinny,… http://fb.me/Z9yzEHfo
“Scarcity model of beauty” – OMG, you’re right, that’s yet another instance of (false) scarcity being enforced on something to which abundance economics is more applicable.
Sunflower
YES! I shared this on my facebook and have gotten very enthusiastic feedback. :) Perfectly said.
Real women are effing ineffable! There are no words to describe a real woman…
Real Women Have Curves, And Don’t Have Curves, And Have A Few …: Lot’s of very well meaning people, when they … http://bit.ly/mJk353
Real women love who they are!