by Golda Poretsky, H.H.C.
www.bodylovewellness.com
Listen to the podcast of this post here:
Lot’s of very well meaning people, when they find out what I do for a living, say something to the effect of:
“Right on! Real women have curves!”
Real Women Have Curves. Maybe. (Image from wikipedia)
I know they mean well. They’re saying that women’s bodies are more curvaceous than the emaciated bodies that are often held as an ideal by the media. But the whole concept drives me bonkers. And if it hasn’t driven you bonkers yet, let me explain why it drives me bonkers and you may end up agreeing with me.
1) Women Are Women, Curvy Or Not – Women’s bodies (just like men’s bodies) come in a diverse range of shapes. There are plenty of curvy thin women and curvy fat women, not curvy thin women and not curvy fat women. There are plenty of fat women with proportionately small hips and proportionately big hips. There are plenty of thin women with the same. Same for breasts. Same for everything. There are also some men with bigger hips and smaller hips and bigger breasts and smaller breasts. In other words, there are plenty of “real women” who are not f-ing curvy and are still quite real, and sometimes even, quite fat.
2) What The Heck Is A Real Woman, And Why Should We Care? – Personally, I think that anyone who identifies as a woman is a woman. I don’t really care if she has curves or a vulva or whatever. I’m guessing that if you’re reading this blog, you probably don’t care to much about it either. But aside from that, does it help anything to refer to larger women as “real”? Does that make thin women fake? Or not really women? Ugh. See item #4.
Which of these women is more real? (Image from Marie Clarie UK Online)
3) Can We Just Say FAT For Once? — I personally hate the curvy euphemism. I hate it more than most others, like large or even plus size (though I agree with Queen Latifah that plus size should be “buried“). Curviness has way more to do with chest/waist/hip ratio than anything else, and I think our fixation on those measurements has added to the negative way that most women view their bodies for decades.
4) Relegating Thin Women To A Lesser Status Isn’t Helpful – I realize that bigger women have been put down, discriminated against, considered non-ideal, and worse, and that is really, really wrong and needs to change. But I don’t think the way to create that change is to try to prove that bigger is better. How about we just start to see that bigger is great too. We don’t have to relegate ourselves to a scarcity model of beauty and “realness” belong to only a select few. Perhaps one doesn’t have to be better than the other. Perhaps we can see that there’s a thing called body diversity, that beauty comes in all shapes and sizes, and that attraction is viable among people of varying weights.
So, yes, real women have curves, and don’t have curves, and whatever, at least that’s what I think. Let me know what you think in the comments section below!
Golda Poretsky, H.H.C. is a certified holistic health counselor who specializes in transforming your relationship with food and your body.
{ 36 comments… read them below or add one }
I recently saw a dove ad on facebook and it was a little daunting. There wasn’t anyone especially thin that would throw home the fact that woman come in all shapes and sizes. To be frank, at 5 feet and 94 pounds, I wear a substantially padded bra so more people would get the idea that I am in fact-a 27 year old woman and not a 12 year old girl who deserves less respect and attention. Course, I am also fairly confident and have a sense of humor. I’m thinking looking 15 years younger won’t be so bad as I age. ALL women are beautiful!
wow reading some of these comments has given me confidence. living in a “your a boy unless you have huge breasts” society has really fucked with my self esteem.
Ive always been very short and thin and I hate it. Anytime I see someone taller and curvier I feel like a kitten, and they are the lion I can never amount too. :( I know ive been brainwashed by the media and I shouldn’t feel this way but how can we cope if its being flashed infront of us everyday, everywhere? billboards, magazines, tv shows, movies, ects……….
http://t.co/7WWjWo7q makes lots of sense to me.
Thank you SO MUCH for posting this!!! I just finished reading another ‘feminist’ blog on this same issue and ended up leaving a long, angry rant in the comments, so I’m very happy to leave a long *happy* one here. Please be a little more sensitive to women and girls who may have a different body type than your own. Growing up, I was always very thin, had difficulty gaining weight. People told me I was a ‘late bloomer’ (insulting for many reasons…), but it turns out by their standards I was a non-bloomer. Because all the supposedly positive talking points were geared exclusively toward bolstering curvy girls’ self-esteem, I grew up being called boyish, scrawny, skinny, anorexic, and flat-chested. So, when I read on that other blog about how “real women” don’t have the “androgynous, long-legged, small breasted, slender silhouette” seen in magazines, I think of all the girls like me who grew up hearing that “real women have curves” and thinking they weren’t *real* women and have all the femininity of an ironing board. Why does rhetoric regarding the female figure have to be so oppositional? We are all equally women, and we are all equally beautiful. Thanks for doing the responsible thing and caring equally about everyone’s health and happiness! :)
Here here! I spent most of my life being made fun of for being thin. It is hurtful to us just as it is for big girls/women. Thank you for this article! Yes, I am a woman too!
Loved this post, I get so tired of hearing people throw out phrases like ‘real woman’ without really thinking what it might mean or imply. You got me thinking about how this might pertain to men, so I did some brain-storming of my own:
http://arenomore.wordpress.com/2011/06/11/real-men-real-women/
Thanks again for talking about this!
Well said. I’ve always been thin and have often heard comments like, “You’re so skinny, I hate you.” I gotta say I’m getting tired of being told that’s some kind of compliment. Jealousy, judgment and hate flatter neither party.
@Vanessa, Amen! I had a friend in high school who used to call me “anorexic,” and when I got upset she would actually say that she “meant it as a compliment.” Seriously? Wtf? Anorexia is a disease! If told her that her body made her look like she was struggling with a major health issue, I’m pretty sure she wouldn’t have taken it well, regardless of how I “meant” it.
Thanks to Julia @ Glow Health Coaching for sharing this. I couldn’t agree more! I have always been called skinny,… http://fb.me/Z9yzEHfo
“Scarcity model of beauty” – OMG, you’re right, that’s yet another instance of (false) scarcity being enforced on something to which abundance economics is more applicable.
Sunflower
YES! I shared this on my facebook and have gotten very enthusiastic feedback. :) Perfectly said.
Real women are effing ineffable! There are no words to describe a real woman…
Real Women Have Curves, And Don’t Have Curves, And Have A Few …: Lot’s of very well meaning people, when they … http://bit.ly/mJk353
Real women love who they are!
I have felt these sentiments for years – as a “real” 29-year-old woman who, within the last 12 years, has weighed between 56 and 140 pounds (I’m 5’3).
Even at 140 lbs – borderline overweight for my height – I was “curvy” mostly insofar as I had a rather convex belly and bum. At that weight, I wore a size 34AA bra – the measurement at the fullest part of my bust was only 3 inches larger than that of my waist.
If I identify as a woman – and I haven’t always (I’ve considered myself “gender queer”/asexual at various points in my life, though I do currently identify as a woman) – as you’ve suggested, I AM a woman, goddamn it. So are obese women (who identify as women), emaciated women (who identify as women), and [pre- or post-op] transgendered women, in my view.
Thank you for expressing these sentiments in a public forum, probably better than I could have myself.
Well said! Couldn’t agree more!
Afreakingmen! We are all HUMAN, regardless of our shape, size, or genitalia.
I agree with this notion, but I think lots of women identify as curvy because they don’t want to be called fat even if they are, they would rather be called anything but fat. Curvy is just one descriptor for a very specific body type/shape, fat or thin; I personally identify as curvy because I am in fact curvy, as per my chest-waist-hip ratio, but this is most certainly not the only body type that exists, nor is it the only way to describe a “real” woman.
Real women….for those of us who are transwomen, we constantly refer to real or genetic women when trying to define ourselves. It is refreshing to read your blog. Many of us struggle with the notion (and reality) that we will never be “real” women. Society holds it up to us to prove it. Evidence in point was the beating of a transgendered woman recently caught on film at a fast food restaurant. We are perceived to be less than as are fat women, thin women, not curvy enough women, too curvy women……..
@Simone, that video of that woman being assaulted was *horrific*! I’m glad you mentioned it because I also believe that this all stems from the same closed minded attitude: ignorant people defining their own place in society by excluding others. It makes me proud to identify as a woman alongside strong, intelligent women like you. Of course, I’m not so happy about being lumped in with women who would keep others down for not meeting their narrow, arbitrary definitions, but I guess that’s the point. If I can acknowledge their right to identify how they want, regardless of how much I disagree with their views and actions, you’d think they could extend that same courresy to others. So frustrating…
Yes to celebrating all shapes, sizes, whatever ;) http://fb.me/sZXKkVRd
THANK YOU for such a well-rounded and straight-up view of this whole subject!!!
@MelGetsFit @VoiceinRecovery @HannyBannanee @meme_aimee @andrea_owen @smiling_heart @ZeroGravityLife Thx for the RT’s http://goo.gl/7Mg40
Great post!! "Real Women Have Curves, And Don’t Have Curves, And Have A Few Curves, And Whatever" – http://goo.gl/7Mg40 via @bodylovewellnes
Real Women Have Curves, And Don’t Have Curves, And Have A Few Curves, And Whatever – http://goo.gl/7Mg40 via @bodylovewellnes
LOVE! Real Women Have Curves, And Don’t Have Curves, And Have A Few Curves, And Whatever – http://goo.gl/7Mg40 via @bodylovewellnes
Real Women Have Curves, And Don’t Have Curves, And Have A Few Curves, And Whatever – http://goo.gl/7Mg40 via @bodylovewellnes
I like that: "anyone who identifies as a woman is a woman", curvy or not RT @andrea_owen http://t.co/MIMMRQE via @bodylovewellnes
Real Women Have Curves, And Don’t Have Curves, And Have A Few Curves, And Whatever – http://goo.gl/7Mg40
Real Women Have Curves, And Don’t Have Curves, And Have A Few Curves, And Whatever – http://goo.gl/7Mg40 via @bodylovewellnes
Damn straight! So to speak. I have been thinking and saying this for a long time now and it’s refreshing to hear someone else say it =)
I adore this post because I am naturally skinny. I hate when people always say I need to gain weight because “real women have curves”. I understand society is harsh towards people who are overweight, but they are also harsh towards people who are underweight. If extra fat makes you beautiful, why can’t less fat make me beautiful? Oh, society…still not getting it right.
Anyway, thanks for the post. Very insightful!
Real women have BRAINS. (And I don’t mean that in an ableist way.) You’re the best!
Love it. RT @ZeroGravityLife: YES! Real Women Have Curves, And Don’t Have Curves, And Have A Few Curves, And Whatever – http://t.co/p32P3Tv
YES! Real Women Have Curves, And Don’t Have Curves, And Have A Few Curves, And Whatever – http://goo.gl/7Mg40 via @bodylovewellnes
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