Real Women Have Curves, And Don’t Have Curves, And Have A Few Curves, And Whatever

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by Golda Poretsky, H.H.C.
www.bodylovewellness.com

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Lot’s of very well meaning people, when they find out what I do for a living, say something to the effect of:

“Right on!  Real women have curves!”

Real women have curves movie poster

Real Women Have Curves. Maybe. (Image from wikipedia)

I know they mean well.  They’re saying that women’s bodies are more curvaceous than the emaciated bodies that are often held as an ideal by the media.  But the whole concept drives me bonkers.  And if it hasn’t driven you bonkers yet, let me explain why it drives me bonkers and you may end up agreeing with me.

1) Women Are Women, Curvy Or Not — Women’s bodies (just like men’s bodies) come in a diverse range of shapes.  There are plenty of curvy thin women and curvy fat women, not curvy thin women and not curvy fat women.  There are plenty of fat women with proportionately small hips and proportionately big hips.  There are plenty of thin women with the same.  Same for breasts.  Same for everything.  There are also some men with bigger hips and smaller hips and bigger breasts and smaller breasts.  In other words, there are plenty of “real women” who are not f-ing curvy and are still quite real, and sometimes even, quite fat.

2) What The Heck Is A Real Woman, And Why Should We Care? — Personally, I think that anyone who identifies as a woman is a woman.  I don’t really care if she has curves or a vulva or whatever.  I’m guessing that if you’re reading this blog, you probably don’t care to much about it either.  But aside from that, does it help anything to refer to larger women as “real”?  Does that make thin women fake?  Or not really women?  Ugh.  See item #4.

Beth Ditto & Kate Moss hugging

Which of these women is more real? (Image from Marie Clarie UK Online)

3) Can We Just Say FAT For Once? — I personally hate the curvy euphemism.  I hate it more than most others, like large or even plus size (though I agree with Queen Latifah that plus size should be “buried“).  Curviness has way more to do with chest/waist/hip ratio than anything else, and I think our fixation on those measurements has added to the negative way that most women view their bodies for decades.

4) Relegating Thin Women To A Lesser Status Isn’t Helpful — I realize that bigger women have been put down, discriminated against, considered non-ideal, and worse, and that is really, really wrong and needs to change.  But I don’t think the way to create that change is to try to prove that bigger is better.  How about we just start to see that bigger is great too. We don’t have to relegate ourselves to a scarcity model of beauty and “realness” belong to only a select few.  Perhaps one doesn’t have to be better than the other.  Perhaps we can see that there’s a thing called body diversity, that beauty comes in all shapes and sizes, and that attraction is viable among people of varying weights.

So, yes, real women have curves, and don’t have curves, and whatever, at least that’s what I think.  Let me know what you think in the comments section below!

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Golda Poretsky, H.H.C. is a certified holistic health counselor who specializes in transforming your relationship with food and your body.

44 thoughts on “Real Women Have Curves, And Don’t Have Curves, And Have A Few Curves, And Whatever”

  1. I have felt these sentiments for years – as a “real” 29-year-old woman who, within the last 12 years, has weighed between 56 and 140 pounds (I’m 5’3).

    Even at 140 lbs – borderline overweight for my height – I was “curvy” mostly insofar as I had a rather convex belly and bum. At that weight, I wore a size 34AA bra – the measurement at the fullest part of my bust was only 3 inches larger than that of my waist.

    If I identify as a woman – and I haven’t always (I’ve considered myself “gender queer”/asexual at various points in my life, though I do currently identify as a woman) – as you’ve suggested, I AM a woman, goddamn it. So are obese women (who identify as women), emaciated women (who identify as women), and [pre- or post-op] transgendered women, in my view.

    Thank you for expressing these sentiments in a public forum, probably better than I could have myself.

  4. I agree with this notion, but I think lots of women identify as curvy because they don’t want to be called fat even if they are, they would rather be called anything but fat. Curvy is just one descriptor for a very specific body type/shape, fat or thin; I personally identify as curvy because I am in fact curvy, as per my chest-waist-hip ratio, but this is most certainly not the only body type that exists, nor is it the only way to describe a “real” woman.

  5. Real women….for those of us who are transwomen, we constantly refer to real or genetic women when trying to define ourselves. It is refreshing to read your blog. Many of us struggle with the notion (and reality) that we will never be “real” women. Society holds it up to us to prove it. Evidence in point was the beating of a transgendered woman recently caught on film at a fast food restaurant. We are perceived to be less than as are fat women, thin women, not curvy enough women, too curvy women……..

    1. @Simone, that video of that woman being assaulted was *horrific*! I’m glad you mentioned it because I also believe that this all stems from the same closed minded attitude: ignorant people defining their own place in society by excluding others. It makes me proud to identify as a woman alongside strong, intelligent women like you. Of course, I’m not so happy about being lumped in with women who would keep others down for not meeting their narrow, arbitrary definitions, but I guess that’s the point. If I can acknowledge their right to identify how they want, regardless of how much I disagree with their views and actions, you’d think they could extend that same courresy to others. So frustrating…

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