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My friends may have regretted letting me play their "reindeer games."

My friends may have regretted letting me play their “reindeer games.”

I used to really avoid being in photos.

Until relatively recently, that was pretty easy to do. Before every cell phone had a built in camera, before selfies and instagram (follow me!), you could really get away with avoiding photos. Only photography nerds (like me) used to carry around cameras, and it was mostly for capturing the raw beauty of a dead pigeon on Avenue A.

Sometimes the fact that everything gets photographed or video-ed really bugs me. (I can’t be the only one who’s been at a concert and wanted to say to the tall dude in front of me, “Hey, how about putting your camera down and just watching the show right now?”)

And yet, I also see it as an interesting opportunity to reclaim your self image. If you sort of go with it, you can actually use things like selfies as a tool to improve your body image.

How To Improve Your Body Image With Photos

Action Step #1: Take Some Really Bad Photos Of Yourself On Purpose — Whip out your phone or camera, and take a ton of pics of yourself. I’m talking in the hundreds. Take them from weird angles. Make funny faces. You can do this with a friend too. You may even want to do this a couple of times over the course of a week or a month. Do not skip this step!

What This Does: When you take “bad” photos of yourself, you get used to your own image. You start to realize that “good” or “bad” pics are all about angles, lighting, expression and not really about you. (Remember, even when models are shot for print ads, hundreds of images are taken, then one is chosen and airbrushed to death.) When you do this process, you get less upset when someone else takes a less than flattering photo of you. You’ll be less triggered when you catch yourself reflected in a storefront. You may even have fun with your image for the first time.

Action Step #2: Take Some Selfies And Post Them — Now, try to take some “good” photos. Think about your “bad” photo experiment and avoid taking pictures from those weird angles. Give yourself time to play around with lighting, angles, makeup, etc. And then, post those pics! If you don’t want them to be public, use privacy settings so that only certain friends can see them. You’ll probably get a lot more positive comments than you expect.

What This Does: This does two things. First, it allows you to control your public image. You get to put out the world images of yourself that make you feel good. Second, you get positive feedback from friends who will cheer you on and, at the very least, “like” your image.

Action Step #3: Join A Body-Positive, Photo-Sharing Community — There are so many great tumblrs of regular folks showing off fatshion, generally being body positive, outfits of the day (ootd’s), and just pics of themselves being fat and exciting. (And don’t forget about Fatshionable Apples!)

What This Does: Looking at tumblrs like this normalizes bodies that you don’t normally see in everyday media. It’s a wonderful counterbalance to the very thin images you see every day. And you get a wonderful sense of community by looking at and responding to posters’ images. You may find it empowering to submit your own images too.

Don’t Forget This Mindset Shift
Photos are about memories and experiences, not just how you look or what you weigh. When you look at your photos, don’t just scrutinize your face and body. Think about what you were doing, who you were with, what was going on in the moment.

When you’re more willing to join in pictures, not only do you get an opportunity to preserve a memory, but your friends and loved ones get that too. They want you in their pictures. You’re part of that memory. Let yourself jump in and say a big, cheesy, “Cheese!”

FYI: The Summer Of Body Love Starts TODAY! This is your last chance to get in on it from the beginning. Go here to check it out
http://everydayfeminism.com/summer-of-body-love/

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Golda is a certified holistic health counselor and founder of Body Love Wellness, a program designed for plus-sized women who are fed up with dieting and want support to stop obsessing about food and weight. To learn more about Golda and her work, click here.



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{ 2 comments }

Hi everyone!

I hope you’ll take a moment to check out and follow my new tumblr “Fatshionable Apples.”

I started this tumblr because (a) I love clothes, (b) sometimes finding clothes and figuring out what to wear is especially hard for us “apple shaped” types and (c) I noticed that whenever I posted pictures of myself in various outfits on my Body Love Wellness facebook page, people really seemed to like it.

But I definitely do not want this blog to be all about me or pictures of me. That’s why I want you to send in your pics and tell me about your favorite outfits.

I love fatshion for fatshion’s sake, but I also love creating a space where other apple shaped fat folks can get inspiration for fat visibility. It isn’t always easy to be fat and visible, and I want to make it a little easier. I want folks to see this tumblr and think, “If this person can wear this awesome outfit and do this or that, so can I!”

With love,

Golda

introducing fatshionable apples tumblr copy

{ 4 comments }

Geoffrey Miller TweetAs you’ve probably heard by now, Professor Geoffrey Miller tweeted this a few days ago: “Dear obese PhD applicants: If you don’t have the willpower to stop eating carbs, you won’t have the willpower to do a dissertation. #truth.”

He quickly retracted this statement, but the damage was already done.

Prof. Miller is a University of New Mexico professor who is a visiting professor at NYU.

As an NYU alum two times over (B.A. history, with honors, summa cum laude 1999, JD 2002), I was really unhappy with NYU’s response. So I decided to write to the President of NYU, John Sexton, who actually taught a tiny group of freshman back in 1995 that included yours truly. Here’s what I wrote:

Dear John:

I hope you are well. I’m also hoping that you remember me. I was in your freshman honors seminar on the First Amendment’s religion clauses back in the Fall of 1995. I graduated from NYU with honors, summa cum laude, and as a member of Phi Beta Kappa I also attended NYU Law, graduating in 2002.

I’m writing to you as an NYU CAS and NYU Law alum, a lawyer, a health coach who works with fat people, and a fat person myself.

Based upon Geoffrey Miller’s tweet, I’m very concerned about NYU’s decision to keep him on staff. His tweet, stating that fat people have “no willpower” and therefore should not even apply to be PhD candidates indicates that he supports and likely engages in appearance-based discrimination.

Discrimination based on weight is a serious problem. Studies indicate that 1 in 3 children experience weight bias from a teacher. Larger people are less likely to be accepted into college. Like any other kind of discrimination, discrimination against fat people is insidious and prevents larger people from achieving in academia and elsewhere. As a result, many states and municipalities have added “height and weight” and/or “appearance” as a protected class. It is now illegal to discriminate on the basis of height/weight and/or appearance in the state of Michigan and in San Francisco, Santa Cruz, Washington, DC, Madison, WI, Urbana, IL and Binghamton, NY. Civil rights groups like NAAFA are working to get more laws like these on the books.

Dr. Miller’s continued employment could create liability for NYU on a number of bases. The ADA as amended protects people who are disabled by weight or are perceived to be disabled by weight. Perceiving fat students to be disabled, as Dr. Miller essentially suggests, would bring fat students under the umbrella of the ADA. Obesity is also more common in protected groups (e.g. women, certain minority groups, people over 55) so that discrimination on the basis of weight has a disproportionate impact on these groups. This type of discrimination may also violate consumer protection laws, because students purchasing the same education will get unequal benefits based solely on their appearance.

On a personal note, I can tell you from my own experience that I had a great amount of willpower in college. I was on a very strict diet while a senior at NYU. I lost weight, was hungry and uncomfortable all the time, and still finished my senior honors thesis. Most of the fat people I’ve encountered in my life have been through similar experiences. We power-through and achieve despite being stigmatized and despite starving ourselves “for our own good.”

Fatness is so maligned in our culture that bigotry toward fat people often goes unnoticed at best and supported at worst. It may sound cliche, but if you substitute “obese PhD candidates” with “female PhD candidates” or “gay PhD candidates” the bigotry would be much clearer. Similarly, publicly stating that a group of people are not fit to receive PhD’s based on their size should not be tolerated.

John, I have a great deal of respect for you, and your seminar was probably my favorite class of my academic career. I know you to be an eminently reasonable person who understands the dangerous nature of stigmatization and bigotry. That is why I am asking you to reconsider NYU’s decision to keep Dr. Miller on staff. It pains me to think that the school that I know and love would stand behind a professor who would find me ineligible to pursue a PhD just based on my appearance.

I would be happy to discuss this with you further at your convenience. I can also put you in touch with an attorney who represents fat people in discrimination suits.

Thank you.

Best regards,
Golda

Special shoutout to Sondra Solovay, Esq., weight discrimination specialist and co-editor of The Fat Studies Reader (printed, ironically, by NYU Press), for her help with this letter.

I found UNM’s response to Prof. Miller’s tweet to be more heartening. I’m glad that they’re at least investigating his claim that this is all part of an experiment.

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Golda is a certified holistic health counselor and founder of Body Love Wellness, a program designed for plus-sized women who are fed up with dieting and want support to stop obsessing about food and weight. To learn more about Golda and her work, click here.

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internet trolls image

A pretty accurate depiction of an internet troll

I really, really wanted my TEDx talk on “Why It’s Okay To Be Fat” to go viral.

And it kind of did go viral. I just didn’t think it would happen the way it did.

Within a day or two of the talk going live on youtube, troll groups on bodybuilding forums and reddit set out to systematically shut it down. Within less than a week, they had written around 3,000 comments, voted down or marked as spam any supportive comments, and did everything in their power to get as many thumbs down on the video itself as possible.

Comments are now disabled, mainly because many of my supporters contacted the TEDx people and convinced them to turn off the comments. (A GAZILLION THANKS TO ALL OF YOU, BY THE WAY.)

It seemed like about 5% of the negative comments were of the, “DUH! Fat is bad!!!” variety and the other 95% were personal attacks on my appearance. I got called everything from a fat whale (yeah, whales are terrible, I guess?), a fat cunt (again, not a terrible thing), to Chris Christie (I’m not a fan of his politics, but his fatness doesn’t bother me in the least).

To be honest, there were definitely moments when the comments got to me. Seeing a comment about your hideousness get 50 likes doesn’t exactly shore up your ego.

At the same time, I feel like I’m pretty much the perfect person for this to happen to, because I really can take it. I’ve been practicing and teaching body acceptance for so long that mean comments on the internet don’t hurt me the way they would someone less body loving. I’m really serious about my deep spiritual practice of not giving a shit.

The thing that upset me most about this experience was all of the emails I got from folks who said “your experience with these trolls is the reason I don’t have a vlog/ web presence/ more visibility in my work.” And that really, really bummed me out. Because my not so secret mission in life is to empower plus sized women to do the things in life that they really want to do. I hated that the trolls of this world had gotten the better of them.

That’s the thing that scares me most. I don’t fear trolls; I fear their chilling effect.

Every time you stop yourself from doing something because you’re worried about what trolls will do, they win.

So here’s my take on trolls. I think there are ways to manage trolls, and I feel like the last two weeks have been a helpful crash course for me. I hope this will be empowering for you.

  1. Trolls Are Assholes — Pardon my French on this, but trolls are assholes. Think about it — when you disagree with someone, do you call them names, make fun of their appearance, publicly wish for their death, and hide behind internet anonymity? Probably not. You might argue with them a bit, or you might move on with your life or both. Trolls are sad little dipshits emboldened by other sad little dipshits, masquerading as much tougher dipshits. That’s all. When you think of it that way, how can they have any impact on how you feel about yourself and live your life?
  2. Make Fun Of Trolls Whenever You Feel Like It — I used to have a firm “ignore all trolls” policy. I still have that policy for fora outside of twitter. But on twitter, all bets are off. Twitter is the most fun place to make fun of trolls because you’ll notice that (a) they have no followers, (b) they are terrible at witty banter, and (c) your twitter friends can join in and have a good laugh.
  3. Here are a few of my favorites:

  4. Never Give Trolls What They Ask For — Don’t debate with trolls. Trolls will often demand that you debate with them, send them more info, comment on XYZ. You owe them nothing. If someone is pleasant and asks for something, that’s one thing. But if they’re insulting in any way, don’t give them an inch. Mark them as spam or block them and move on. Don’t reply unless it feels fun to do so.

If this helps you, great. And if you disagree with it, that’s fine too. Just please don’t let them stop you from doing your thing!

By the way, if you’re looking to have a more body loving summer, you’re going to love The Summer Of Body Love. Click below to check it out.

After-Post-BL1-Ad

Golda is a certified holistic health counselor and founder of Body Love Wellness, a program designed for plus-sized women who are fed up with dieting and want support to stop obsessing about food and weight. To learn more about Golda and her work, click here.

Get great body love tips and more when you subscribe:



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{ 35 comments }

Hi, my dears!

As some of you may remember, Igigi dressed me for my TEDx talk on Why It’s Okay To Be Fat.

They actually sent me two dresses to try. Rather then send the other one back to them (I had kept the Bardot dress), I asked if I could give it away on my blog, and they said yes!

So, I’m giving away the super lovely Jaqueline 2-in-1 dress pictured here, which retails for $108, in a size 22/24:

jaqueline-jade-front

To enter the giveaway, just:

1) Go to my TEDx video page and give it a thumbs up! (Comments are now disabled, so the trolls can’t attack anymore.)

2) Write a comment below about where you plan to wear the dress. Make sure to write your email address if you’re not using facebook comments.

That’s it!

Note again that the winner will receive a Jaqueline dress in the color jade in a size 22/24.

The winner will be chosen at random and announced next Wednesday, June 5th! I’ll be emailing the winner!

And the winner is, Caroline! Congrats! Be on the lookout for an email from me today.

Thanks to everyone for participating. I hope to do more giveaways soon.

Get great body love tips and more when you subscribe:

Golda is a certified holistic health counselor and founder of Body Love Wellness, a program designed for plus-sized women who are fed up with dieting and want support to stop obsessing about food and weight. To learn more about Golda and her work, click here.

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