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dreamy moonscape

Image from justdd on 123rf.com

It’s been nearly five months since I’ve written a blog post.

For someone who used to write one every week, this certainly feels very weird.

A lot has changed for me in this last year. I got engaged, got married, and started a new “day job” working as a lawyer again. Because I’m working as a lawyer more, I slowed down my coaching practice quite a bit.

All of the changes feel really good to me at this stage in my life. But 10 or 8 or even 6 years ago, they might not have.

When I started my coaching practice in 2008, I had really big dreams. Dreams of reaching millions of people with a message of body love, making body love a household name, empowering thousands of people to love their bodies and get out of their own way when it came to self approval and their own happiness. I dreamed of working for myself forever; never having a boss or a day job, making a living from coaching.

Under different circumstances, it might have all worked out. Through constant promotion and word-of-mouth, I managed to make about three times what the average life coach made per year. Unfortunately, that was never enough for someone who lived in the NYC area and still had crushing law school loans. I was always almost making it work but I could never stop working. Even taking a week off was difficult for me. Living like this for 6 years was extremely stressful.

As time went on, my dreams changed. I love coaching and I hope to do it forever, but right now, I actually love my day job too. I work with really nice people and some of the nicest lawyers I’ve ever met in my life. I feel challenged and appreciated. I feel glad that I don’t have the option to work in my pajamas anymore. I feel relieved that I don’t need to keep up my social media presence quite so much. This past Chanukah/Christmas, I felt good that I was able to buy nice gifts for my friends and family without worrying about how I was going to also pay my rent in January.

And the thing is, I did achieve some of my old dreams. I probably reached a million people (or, at the very least, a few hundred thousand). I worked with thousands of people as private and group coaching clients. “Body Love” is indeed a household name in certain households, and I see it EVERYWHERE on the internet.

So in the spirit of my old blog, I’d like to leave you with something to think about this New Year. Do your big dreams “fit” anymore? Do you have some new dreams that you want to connect with? Have you maybe achieved some of your big dreams in ways you haven’t thought about? Let me know in the comments section below.

Happy New Year!

Get great body love tips and more when you subscribe:

Golda is a certified holistic health counselor and founder of Body Love Wellness, a program designed for plus-sized women who are fed up with dieting and want support to stop obsessing about food and weight. To learn more about Golda and her work, click here.

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thigh with bandelette

My not-so-secret chub rub solution. Read on for details . . .

Here it is, nearly August, and I have yet to write a post about the all-important topic of chub rub and how to avoid it.

As silly as it may seem, I think being chub-rub-free has a big impact on your clothing choices. When you’re not worried about your thighs rubbing together, you can pick out clothes that you really feel like wearing. Plus, you can move more comfortably throughout your day!

I’ve spent much of the summer testing different chub rub related products here at Body Love Wellness HQ, located in one of the grossest cities to be in in the summer, i.e., NYC. I’ve spent time on 100° subway platforms and rubbed sweaty shoulders with my fellow denizens of this fair city in order to properly advise you on how to prevent your delicate thunder thighs from feeling like they’ve been hit by lightning.

Okay, enough talk. Here we go! In the interest of brevity, I’ve lumped a few together.

Image of glide anti-chafe product

Glide? More like Reapplide. Amiright?

LEAST FAVORITE: Glide, Vagisil Powder
Both glide and powder are really excellent if you don’t need them to last that long and/or don’t mind reapplying. They’re also perfectly fine, at least for me, if the high temperature is going to max out at 70°F with relatively low humidity. But if you plan on doing serious walking and/or getting on a hot subway and/or just don’t want to worry about reapplying, I wouldn’t recommend these two.

high waisted plus size spanx image

High-waisted spanx a/k/a bodily sausage casing. Image via zappos.

MIDDLING: Spanx, Spanx-like thing from the Avenue
I have a mild-distaste/hate relationship with spanx. I hate that they’re tight. I hate that they’re never on sale. I hate the whole idea that women should wear sausage-casing to smooth out their fat rolls. I own one pair of spanx that I got talked into buying for someone’s wedding or something. I also have a bunch of spanx knock-offs from the Avenue that I’ve probably had for about 10 years. I always bought them a little big because I was only using them for chub rub prevention and not for their sausage-casing qualities.

Here are my issues with these products — they do the job of preventing chub rub, but they also require you to wear a bunch of extra, synthetic material over your underwear (and for me, over my belly, since tucking them under my bra is the only way to keep them from rolling down).

If you don’t mind synthetic sausage-casing, you can probably just stop right here. But otherwise, keep forging ahead as we get into my absolute favorite chub rub products.

cotton pettipants

Cotton pettipants — meh or honorable meh-ntion?

ALMOST THERE: Cotton Pettipants, Luvees Thigh Coverall
Some very smart ladies of the internetz suggested that I try cotton pettipants as a way to avoid chub rub. At first, I loved them! They felt so soft and comfortable! But as the day wore on, they stretched out A LOT. Like, the crotch stretched out by a few inches, and then the legs stretched out and kept bunching up when I walked. They were still more comfortable than other solutions, and I liked that I didn’t have to wear underwear over my underwear (a la spanx) but I felt that for a long day they were not the best choice.

Image of luvees in black and beige

Luvees. They’re not bad!

Then, there’s luvees. Luvees are almost like my favorite (see below), but not quite. They have a lot of things going for them, like the fact that they just cover your thighs and nothing else, thus sparing you from an extra layer of material that can only add to your hotness on hot days. They have elastic on the top, and a satiny, slightly padded side and a lacy side. I find them pretty comfortable, but I noticed a few weird things, like the fact that they sometimes made me feel extra sweaty, and that they caused static cling with certain fabrics, so as I walked my skirts sometimes felt like they were riding up.

THE BEST: Bandelettes

I freaking love bandelettes.

Image of caramel colored bandelettes

The best chub rub solution on the planet — bandelettes.

Here are the many things I love about them:

  • Comfortable — These are the most comfortable chub rub solution I found. They stay put and I barely even think about the fact that I’m wearing them. Because they’re light and small they don’t make me feel hotter than I already am!
  • Unobtrusive — For me, these are just the right length. Even if my skirt rides up for blows around in the wind, the bandelettes are high up enough on my legs that no on sees them.
  • Easy to Wash — I just wash them in the sink with woolite, though, sometimes, I just put some foaming hand soap in my hands and wash them in my hands with cold water. If I wash them at night, they’re dry by the morning.
  • Great Price — They’re only $14.99. I have two pairs and just alternate them. Easy peasy.

One note — if you’re between sizes or unsure, I’d recommend going up a size. I thought I was a size C, but I was having an issue with them rolling a little. Size D fit perfectly even though it was supposed to be big.

So what’s your favorite chub-rub solution? Let me know in the comments below!

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400 width banner click here for more infoSummer is supposed to be a time of relaxation and fun. Picture summer and you probably think of spending time at the beach or pool, backyard barbecues, and time off from school or work.

But when you hate your body, summer can be particularly treacherous. You can no longer cover up your body with lots of layers (at least not comfortably). You may want to spend some time at the beach or the pool, but the thought of actually wearing a swimsuit may fill you with anxiety.

If you’re anything like I used to be, you’re probably finding yourself:

  • Struggling to get dressed in the morning
  • Worrying about your weight and what if anything you can do to change it
  • Thinking of ways to cover up your body and camouflage “problem areas”
  • Fighting with yourself over whether or not to wear a swimsuit
  • Wondering if the new folks you meet will judge you for your body
  • Asking yourself when your mother/friend/doctor will stop nagging you about your weight

Being the smart person that you are, you can often identify these questions as internalized messages about what your body “should” look like in order to be socially acceptable and worthy.

And while you can often intellectually acknowledge that these messages are wrong, you may still feel ashamed about your own body.

Wouldn’t it be really wonderful to break these negative patterns and really love your body? What else might you do, be, or have? How would you feel at a party, at work, on a date? How would you feel getting dressed in the morning?

What else could you do with all that time and energy that you normally lose to worrying about your body and feeling ashamed of it?

Whether you’ve been practicing body positivity for a while or just want to dip your toe in and see what it’s all about, I think you should check out my new, super-affordable e-course, Summer Of Body Love! I’ve specifically designed an e-course to give you the body positive, loving support you deserve. All of the content is designed to align with Health At Every Size® (HAES®) and fat positivity.

We get started next week, so don’t delay!

For full details, click here!

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Ruth Bader Ginsberg with middle finger up

A fun (but obviously photoshopped) image of Justice Ruth Bader Ginsberg

Following the recent, horrendous Hobby Lobby decision, I’ve been seeing a spate of articles talking about why so many women need birth control not for controlling birth but for medical issues like irregular periods.

I find this argument not only irritating but detrimental. I think the argument that birth control is not just birth control but medicine SUCKS as an argument. Why should it matter what anyone uses birth control for? Whether you’re having sex with multiple partners or just want to regulate your period — why is that anyone’s business? Why is that your boss’s business?

It’s your body. It’s your choice. That’s all that matters. Let’s not appease the narrow-minded by telling them you’re not using birth control to control birth.

Maybe I’m particularly sensitive to this appeasement that masquerades as an acknowledgment of rights because it reminds me of an argument that I see in the fat community a lot.

It makes me think of Stella Boonshoft, whose image was hailed as a moment in the body love movement. Yes, it was brave of her to take that picture in her underwear, but her words continually undermined her message: “PCOS makes it incredibly hard to lose weight, and spikes up your insulin levels which can lead to diabetes and other complications. I felt like I was just getting bigger and bigger and could do nothing to stop it. . . . Health and weight are not synonymous, and I know that to be healthy means to manage my sobriety and PCOS the best that I can. I may not ever be thin, but that’s okay. It’s all about progress, not perfection.”

I don’t mean to be hard on Stella. It’s not just her. But I want this sort of argument to stop because it’s not helpful.

It’s not helpful to say, “I’m fat because . . .” because it doesn’t matter why you’re fat. At least, it shouldn’t matter to anyone else. From a rights perspective, whether you’re fat because of genetics, or a medical issue, or constant dieting, or whatever, it doesn’t matter.

Why doesn’t it matter? Because you have a right to be fat no matter what the reason. You have the right to be in the body that you have no matter how or why you got there.

You also have the right to use birth control for medical reasons or for actual birth control or just because you like it. It’s none of my business. Just like your fat is none of my business.

But equal rights and bodily autonomy are our collective business.

You don’t have to apologize for your size or your birth control or your choices. Let’s stop the politics of appeasement when we’re talking about our bodies.

Do you agree with me on this? Let me know your thoughts below!

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Sometimes I find fatshion blogs to be fun and inspirational.

And sometimes, well, not.

I often recommend that clients look at more body positive blogs, especially ones with images of fat people. It’s a way to recalibrate your brain so that fatter bodies seem more like what they are – normal.

The Adipositivity Project: 2013 &emdash; (I’m not a big fan of the idea of normal, but often realizing that your body is normal rather than gross, weird, and abnormal is an important step in your body love journey.)

After practicing serious, radical body love for about 7 years now, I rarely see an image that makes me feel bad about my body. But loving your body is often like peeling an onion, and though I’ve peeled away nearly all of the layers of body hate, I noticed that there’s a little, annoying part of the onion left. Maybe it’s only 1% or less of that onion, but it’s there.

I realized that I have a weird issue with my body shape, and that fatshion blogs seem to exacerbate it every once in a while.

I’ve mentioned this before, but I have a sort of “upside down” triangle shaped body. My hips and waist are essentially the same size. This makes it really hard to keep my pants from falling down (seriously, this is no fun). When I wear tights or leggings, I have to tuck them under my bra in order to keep them on. When I try on pants, if the waist fits, there is literally a foot or more of material in the hips and thighs. The size that would make sense for my thighs is about 6 sizes smaller than the size I wear in tops. Most dresses that fit my top half have feet of extra material in the bottom half. I’ve tried getting my clothes tailored, but the cost ends up being exorbitant because I want to tailor pretty much everything.

My body has been like this forever, so I don’t think about it much and I’m used to working around it. But every once in a while it really gets to me.

I even tried to start my own fatshion blog, Fatshionable Apples, but I haven't done much with it.

I even tried to start my own fatshion blog, Fatshionable Apples, but I haven’t done much with it.


Fatshion blogs sometimes exacerbate my annoyance, because although the wonderful folks who run these blogs look way more like me than magazine models, they still don’t seem to have the challenges I have with clothes.

I don’t know what the answer to this is, but I thought I’d share it because I can’t be the only one!

Plus, I think it’s good to be transparent with you all. I love my body, don’t denigrate it, don’t hate it (anymore) but I still run into these little, uncomfortable parts of the onion (there’s that metaphor!) now and again.

Do you have similar body shape issues or issues with fatshion blogs? If so, let’s chat about it in the comments section below!

Get great body love tips and more when you subscribe:

Golda is a certified holistic health counselor and founder of Body Love Wellness, a program designed for plus-sized women who are fed up with dieting and want support to stop obsessing about food and weight. To learn more about Golda and her work, click here.

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