by Golda Poretsky, H.H.C.
www.bodylovewellness.com
I’ve been noticing my own imperfections a lot lately. Right now, I’m working with a really wonderful business coach, who recently asked me to take a look at the way I spend my time during my workday.
As I started to look at my life in half-hour blocks, I had two reactions. One — it reminded me, in a really negative way, of the way I used to bill my time as a lawyer. I used to bill in tenths of an hour (6 minute increments), often working on 15-25 matters at a time. All of that timekeeping and noting every bit of work that I did made it difficult to just relax during my off hours. I used to be aware of time in a constant and terrible way.
My other reaction was one of self-judgment. I looked at my day, which was a mixture of hard work and fun, and judged myself for not being the perfect machine that I thought I was being asked to be.
I’ve spent a lot of time figuring out how to build pleasure into my workday. I take dance breaks, walking breaks and meeting-friends-for-coffee breaks. I know from experience that when I don’t take this time for myself throughout the day, I feel grumpy, unhappy, and really unproductive.
When I finally took a break from this self-judgment, I was able to remember all of that. I remembered that taking time for pleasure during my day actually improves my mood, my productivity, and my interactions with clients. It’s the way that I work best, and it’s perfect for me.
Perfectionism is a really common problem, especially among those of us who have trouble accepting ourselves. When we can’t accept ourselves, we look to others for approval, and we determined at some point in our lives that being perfect would help us get that approval.
But the problem with perfection is that we can’t really achieve it. We’re human, and we’re imperfect. So when we strive for perfection, we just end up with a bunch of guilt and shame about our (very human) imperfection.
As part of my Body Love Breakthrough Session, I always ask prospective clients, “If I could wave a magic wand, how would you like your relationship with food and your body to be?” The amazing thing is, 99% of the time, I’m not hearing about a desire to be perfect. Even the clients who tell me initially that they want to eat more perfectly or look perfect, don’t say that when I ask them head on about their desires. When I ask them what they truly want, they tell me things like, “I want to eat without feeling guilty,” and “I want to look at myself in the mirror and feel attractive.”
In other words, their deepest desires are not about perfection. Their deepest desires are about peace. Peace in knowing that they know how to eat and how much to eat. Peace in knowing that they are attractive. Peace in feeling worthy enough to make choices that might not seem so perfect to others.
For this week’s tip, be more mindful of any perfectionist tendencies you may have. Where might more acceptance of who you are provide you with more peace?
Golda is a certified holistic health counselor and founder of Body Love Wellness, a program designed for plus-sized women who are fed up with dieting and want support to stop obsessing about food and weight. To learn more about Golda and her work, click here.
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Golda, you’re always so insightful! I love this post. I get very upset with myself for not being a machine, too. But then being upset rarely spurs me to action. I just sulk and don’t want to do anything. It goes back to the all-or-nothing thinking. Either, you’re wonderful and super-productive, or you’re a waste of space and can’t get anything done.
The peace part is the key. Thanks so much for reminding us of that! :)
@Margarita, I’m glad you related to it!
I’m with you on this…If I don’t take breaks during the day for rejuvenation, my productivity suffers, and I end up with a headache. We have to find the balance that is ‘perfect” for us!