Golda Poretsky, HHC
www.bodylovewellness.com

Listen to the podcast here:

In the past, I always hated being a beginner.

Despite the fact that I love to learn new things, I never liked being really new at something.  I never liked feeling lost and confused.  I never liked the feeling that other people were catching on to something that I wasn’t getting.

When I decided to play bass at Ladies’ Rock Camp this summer, I knew it was a big leap.  I knew that in 2.5 days I was going to learn a bit of bass, form a band, make t-shirts, write a song with my band, and play at the Knitting Factory.  And that was pretty much all I knew.  I didn’t know anyone else at the camp.  I had never played bass before in my life (in fact, I had never played a stringed instrument ever).

But as I walked in to bass class on the first morning of camp, I decided one thing — for once in my life, I was going to embrace being a beginner.  I was going to embrace the power of having a beginner’s mind, of knowing nothing, and therefore being open to all possibilities. As Shunryu Suzuki said in Zen Mind, Beginner’s Mind, “When we have no thought of achievement, no thought of self, we are true beginners. Then we can really learn something. The beginner’s mind is the mind of compassion. When our mind is compassionate, it is boundless.”

Beginnings (The Fool) From The Goddess Tarot Deck By Kris Waldherr

This same concept shows up in the tarot as well.  The first card of the deck, the zero card, is called the Fool.  But the fool isn’t truly foolish, he or she is just a newbie.  This card implies the beginning of a journey, within or without, the sacred nature of being open to possibilities, the primordial soup within each of us and the power of being a real beginner.

So why am I writing about being a fool and a beginner?  Because I’m hoping to illustrate (perhaps a little clumsily) the power of being new at something.

When we try something new, we often feel powerless.  We feel that we’re at the whim of our teachers, mentors, and counselors.  We feel pressure to get it right, to be prodigies, to not feel lost or admit that we’re lost.

But I think that being new at something can be really powerful.  The first time you wear a sleeveless top can be really powerful.  The first time that you ask a guy out can be really powerful.  The first time you pick up a bass and hear that sound ring out of your amp as it bounces around the room can be really, really powerful.  It can be really freaking scary too, but I agree with Shunryu Suzuki.  When your mind is compassionate, it is boundless.

So, my newbie friends, what are you going to be new at this week?

And if you want to try something really new, I’ll be making a big announcement about The Empress Club in just a few days.  It’s a group program designed to rocket you toward your food and body image desires.  We talked about it at the last teleclass . . . but there’s more to come.  So stay tuned!

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Golda Poretsky, H.H.C. is a certified holistic health counselor who specializes in transforming your relationship with food and your body. Go to http://www.bodylovewellness.com/stay-in-touch/ to sign up for her newsletter and get your free download — Golda’s Top Ten Tips For Divine Dining!

Have you picked up Golda’s book yet? Get your copy of Stop Dieting Now: 25 Reasons To Stop, 25 Ways To Heal today! Get it for your kindle too!

© 2010 Golda Poretsky. All rights reserved.

Golda Poretsky, HHC
www.bodylovewellness.com

Due to a very full weekend at the Ladies Rock Camp, I’ve decided to repost this Body Love Wellness favorite.

And, by the way, there’s still time to join me for my teleclass this Thursday — How To Feel Good In Your Skin — Free 60 Minute Teleclass And Group Meditation. Just click here to register!

Listen to the podcast here:

Since I find myself spouting heresies every week at the Body Love Wellness Blog, I want to give you one more to chew on.

You Are Not Broken.

I say this because you are not an agglomeration of problems to be fixed and you are not in a race to see how fast you can fix them. I say this because you are really okay, right here and now.

I know that most of us go through our day connecting with what we see as our chronic problems. For many of you reading this blog, you have lived your life under the the spectre of your “weight problem”. Your “weight problem” colors everything you do, the way you interact with the world, the products you buy, the way you expect your body to function, the way you choose everything from your clothes to your lovers. And you think if you could just fix the weight problem, if you could just solve for x, everything else would fall into place, and you and your life would no longer be broken.

For others it’s not a weight problem. It’s some other problem that we’ve identified as being ours. It could be anything from infertility to cancer to crow’s feet. We all have certain problems that we magnify and see as the source of further problems.

We get lots of support in seeing our problems as the focus of our lives. Whether it’s an advertisment on television or a doctor’s advice, we’re constantly told that we need to get our problems under control, fix them, mitigate them, etc. We get the message that it’s our duty to elminate the problem so that we can then be happy and make everyone else happy. We understand that we shouldn’t rest until the problem is appropriately counteracted.

When we live our lives constantly focused on problems, we end up identifying with the problems themselves. As a result, we make poor choices and miss out on much of the good of life. (I can feel the chronic dieters out there nodding their heads as they read this.)

Only people who see themselves as having a weight problem would ever sign up for a diet program. Only a person who saw their weight problem as a major issue that had to get solved would sign up for getting weighed in at a meeting every week, eating prepackaged food for three meals a day, drinking diet shakes, starving themselves, making themselves vomit, etc. etc. If you don’t think you have a weight problem, you don’t do those things to yourself.

In other words, if you don’t see yourself as having a weight problem, you might actually be able to eat relatively healthfully, regardless of your size. You would be able to hear that voice inside your body that says, “I would like to eat that” or “I would not like to eat that” or “I’m hungry” or “I’m full.” You might also be able to hear your intuition more when it tells you things like, “I’d like to go back to school” or “I’d like to break up with my boyfriend” or “yoga is fun” or whatever your particular consciousness most desires. When you’re stuck in the problem, it’s hard to hear anything other than “I need to get this fixed right now in order to be happy.”

So, I will write it again. You are not broken. You are not a problem to be solved. Solving your “problem”, whatever you perceive your problem or problems to be, is not the key to happiness.

This week, I want you to identify whatever you think your big problem is. (For most of you, you’ll know it instantly.) Live this week as if your big problem was not a problem. Live as if it were already solved or wasn’t a problem at all. Notice what feels different. Notice if you feel better. As always, let us know how it goes in the comments below.

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Golda Poretsky, H.H.C. is a certified holistic health counselor who specializes in transforming your relationship with food and your body. Go to http://www.bodylovewellness.com/stay-in-touch/ to sign up for her newsletter and get your free download — Golda’s Top Ten Tips For Divine Dining!

Have you picked up Golda’s book yet? Get your copy of Stop Dieting Now: 25 Reasons To Stop, 25 Ways To Heal today!

© 2010 Golda Poretsky. All rights reserved.

by Golda Poretsky, H.H.C.
www.bodylovewellness.com

Listen to the podcast of this post here:

I’ve been noticing my own imperfections a lot lately.  Right now, I’m working with a really wonderful business coach, who recently asked me to take a look at the way I spend my time during my workday.

As I started to look at my life in half-hour blocks, I had two reactions. One — it reminded me, in a really negative way, of the way I used to bill my time as a lawyer.  I used to bill in tenths of an hour (6 minute increments), often working on 15-25 matters at a time.  All of that timekeeping and noting every bit of work that I did made it difficult to just relax during my off hours.  I used to be aware of time in a constant and terrible way.

My other reaction was one of self-judgment.  I looked at my day, which was a mixture of  hard work and fun, and judged myself for not being the perfect machine that I thought I was being asked to be.

I’ve spent a lot of time figuring out how to build pleasure into my workday.  I take dance breaks, walking breaks and meeting-friends-for-coffee breaks.  I know from experience that when I don’t take this time for myself throughout the day, I feel grumpy, unhappy, and really unproductive.

When I finally took a break from this self-judgment, I was able to remember all of that.  I remembered that taking time for pleasure during my day actually improves my mood, my productivity, and my interactions with clients. It’s the way that I work best, and it’s perfect for me.

Perfectionism is a really common problem, especially among those of us who have trouble accepting ourselves.  When we can’t accept ourselves, we look to others for approval, and we determined at some point in our lives that being perfect would help us get that approval.

But the problem with perfection is that we can’t really achieve it.  We’re human, and we’re imperfect.  So when we strive for perfection, we just end up with a bunch of guilt and shame about our (very human) imperfection.

As part of my Body Love Breakthrough Session, I always ask prospective clients, “If I could wave a magic wand, how would you like your relationship with food and your body to be?”  The amazing thing is, 99% of the time, I’m not hearing about a desire to be perfect.  Even the clients who tell me initially that they want to eat more perfectly or look perfect, don’t say that when I ask them head on about their desires.  When I ask them what they truly want, they tell me things like, “I want to eat without feeling guilty,” and “I want to look at myself in the mirror and feel attractive.”

In other words, their deepest desires are not about perfection.  Their deepest desires are about peace.  Peace in knowing that they know how to eat and how much to eat.  Peace in knowing that they are attractive.  Peace in feeling worthy enough to make choices that might not seem so perfect to others.

For this week’s tip, be more mindful of any perfectionist tendencies you may have.  Where might more acceptance of who you are provide you with more peace?
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Want to get your own Free Body Love Breakthrough Session?  Just click here: http://www.bodylovewellness.com/bodylovebreakthrough/.

Golda Poretsky, H.H.C. is a certified holistic health counselor who specializes in transforming your relationship with food and your body. Go to http://www.bodylovewellness.com/stay-in-touch/ to sign up for her newsletter and get your free download — Golda’s Top Ten Tips For Divine Dining!

© 2010 Golda Poretsky All rights reserved.

I’m pleased to announce that my book, Stop Dieting Now: 25 Reasons To Stop, 25 Ways To Heal is now available at online retailers in the US, Canada, and the UK!

From an early age, our culture tells us that losing weight and dieting is the key to having it all.  Whether it’s better health, a better body, or a better lover, we all learn that dieting will get us what we want faster than anything else.

Though we all want this to be true, if you’re like most dieters, then you know that dieting does not equal happiness.  Not only that, dieting can result in lots of unintended effects, like weight gain, disordered eating, and low self esteem, just to name a few.

But there is a way out.  In this breakthrough book, I show you why diets don’t work and how you can break free from dieting patterns that are holding you back from happiness.

When you read Stop Dieting Now!, you will come away with breakthrough insights and practical actions that you can take immediately to change your relationship with food and your body.  Here are just a few things that you will learn from this book:

• Why you can’t stick to diets (hint: it’s not about willpower).
• Simple techniques for letting go of food-related guilt and shame.
• Why you always seem to gain back the weight you lose from dieting.
• How old diet rules and habits can negatively interfere with your food choices, long after you stop dieting.
• How to avoid passing on dieting behaviors to your kids.
• The dangers behind “weighting” to be thinner before you make changes in your life.
• Real tools that support you in making peace with your body.
• And so much more . . .

Where to buy:

• Goodreads (If you’re a member, please mark it as to-read!)
• Amazon US
• Amazon Canada
• Amazon UK
• Barnes & Noble
• AbeBooks
• IndieBound

Let me know when you get it!

And stay tuned for info on my upcoming book signing at Re/Dress NYC!

by Golda Poretsky, H.H.C.
www.bodylovewellness.com

Listen to the podcast of this post here:

The other night, I finally sat down to watch VH1′s Behind The Music about Courtney Love. Watching the Courtney Love interviews felt like visiting with an old friend.  She’s still the same — endearing and maddening at the same time.

At some point late in my sophomore year of high school, I decided on a little side project.  I was on a mission to hear and find out about as many women-fronted rock bands as possible.  This led me to nearly lose my mind over PJ Harvey, Babes In Toyland, The Breeders, Belly, L7, Concrete Blonde, a tape that I magically had of a band called the Slits, and of course, Hole.  I still loved The Smiths, and U2 and the Pixies, and Pearl Jam’s first album, but the women rock stars were the real deal.  They spoke to me in a language that my sad, teenage heart could understand.  They spoke to me because I spoke their language.

In the days before the Internet, before DVR, when VCR timers were still a bit wonky, I would stay up late on Sunday nights, often until 2 AM, watching MTV’s 120 Minutes in the hopes that they would play one of my favorites. I’d read Spin, and maybe NME if I could find it, and I’d buy the Village Voice every Wednesday in the hopes of reading about them.  PJ Harvey was my favorite, her songs were so full of angst and pain and sexual disquiet that she was almost embarrassing to listen to.  The press would show up at her lonely little studio in Dorset, and she’d confess to journalists that she never dated anyone until she was 20.  In those days, she would get on stage wearing all black, her hair pulled back, a tiny person with a huge voice and huger talent.

Courtney Love was different.  She was tall, larger-than-life, fond of arguments, brash, mercurial.  She wore baby doll dresses and tons of red lipstick and played her guitar from between her legs.  Her voice was scratchy, with none of the usual singer niceties, but she screamed a lot, which gave her audiences the license to scream along with her.

And yet for all her brashness and screw-you attitude, the thing that I kept noticing as I watched her on t.v. last week was her face.  Over the years, she’s had a multitude of nose jobs, limp implants, and probably botox and other things.  Courtney’s interview revealed a person who had never been okay with her appearance.  Even in her early 20′s, while playing a pregnant woman in a movie, she was so concerned about looking fat that, every day, she took a little stuffing out of the pillow she was using to look pregnant.

So what, right?  She’s a rockstar who’s in the public eye, lives in Hollywood, etc. etc. etc.  But with Courtney Love, it’s a particular kind of bummer.  She’s written song after song about how much it sucks to be objectified and how much women are just seen for their relative attractiveness and bodies.  She sees all of it, but still internalizes it.  In other words, she writes songs about how much b.s. women in go through in terms of their bodies and body image, but she’s still in a place where she feels the need to drastically alter her face and body.

In essence, she’s in a spot that a lot of you reading this are in the right now.  Perhaps you’ve been reading about HAES and body acceptance and you think, intellectually, that people should accept and love their bodies, but you’re not there yet.  Or, you’re able to get to a place of acceptance and then something — a friend’s comment, something on t.v. — throws you out of it and you’re back where you were, feeling crappy about your body and thinking body acceptance is not for you.

If this is the spot you’re in, I want to hear from you.  Comment below (and make sure to leave your email address) and tell me a little about your struggle with loving your body.  One commenter (chosen at random from commenters who comment by midnight Eastern on July 8th) will receive a FREE 60 Minute Body Love Breakthrough Session with me.

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Golda Poretsky, H.H.C. is a certified holistic health counselor who specializes in transforming your relationship with food and your body. Go to http://www.bodylovewellness.com/stay-in-touch/ to sign up for her newsletter and get your free download — Golda’s Top Ten Tips For Divine Dining!

© 2010 Golda Poretsky All rights reserved.