Golda Poretsky, HHC
http://www.bodylovewellness.com
I don’t get it. I really don’t.
A few years ago, I joined a community of women who were committed to revolutionizing what it means to be a woman in this world. They are some of the brightest, most interesting, most accomplished women I have ever met. Give them a challenge, whether it’s starting a super-successful company or managing multiple lovers, and they do it, with minimal strife.
And yet, they are so steeped in diet culture that they don’t even bother to notice it. They rant about weight gained, how fat (read: unattractive) they are, the diets they’re on, etc. It’s completely endless.
Most of my connection to these women, at this point, is via an online community, and I used to conserve my sanity points by ignoring any posts that seemed weight-related, and sometimes by ignoring this online community altogether.
I had such high hopes for this group of women. I had such a belief that if anyone could revolutionize the way women think and feel about their bodies, they would. And I thought that that community would be a safe space, relatively free of weight oppression.
The fact that I was so wrong is deeply upsetting.
And yet, it also tells me a deep truth about those of us who are really committed to ending size-based oppression. It tells me that what we’re doing is really, really revolutionary. It takes outlandishly tremendous guts to admit, aloud, that the Emperor Has No Clothes (probably because he wears a 4x, but I digress).
So why am I sharing this with you? Because I want you to know that, even in my fat positive little bubble, I encounter people all the time who make me feel like I’m banging my head against the wall. And I also want to remind you that you are all truly revolutionaries, figuring things out as you go, living without the net of thin privilege, and that to know you and connect with you is my deepest privilege.
Also, sometimes we just need to rant about this crap. So this week, let’s rant, shall we? Comment about fat oppression, diet culture, and life in general. Let’s dive into the muck and get it out of our systems.
Golda is a certified holistic health counselor and founder of Body Love Wellness, a program designed for plus-sized women who are fed up with dieting and want support to stop obsessing about food and weight. To learn more about Golda and her work, click here.
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Paula,
How do you know that a person is overeating when they fatten? Maybe they were eating too little when they dieted, and are now eating what their body requires.
Bingeing is sometimes caused by eating less than your body needs, to the extent of going below setpoint (natural weight). So many people look for an emotional reason why they eat a lot when it might just be a physiological reaction to having not eaten enough.
Such a good point! Thanks! That is certainly true. It can also be true that someone never dieted and began emotional eating that resulted in over their bodies natural weight had they not eaten emotionally. No shame or blame at all for this. If someone is doing that- what they need is love and acceptance, and a chance to express emotions. No judgement ever on weight or size or a diet in my opinion.
Also, people say they "feel" better when thinner or when controlloing food intake. They get a break from overeating. Or binging which of course feels better. Also with less weight they say they feel more energy. This may be true too. If someone is over their bodies natural weight due to eating for emotional reasons, they will feel better at the bodies natural weight. The cycles of overeating and then dieting is a cycle that can be broken. A diet and fear of food is usually followed by overeating. It can go on for a lifetime and the person may never resolve whatever they are eating over if they continue to yo-yo back and forth. Fear of fat and food is an aweful way to live. I lived it. Thankfully, I am in recovery. I would never have had this recovery without body acceptance, intuitive eating and emotional intelligence.
Okay, I will gladly rant about this. I hang out with a bunch of intelligent, funny people – who are fat. They obviously don’t see themselves that way. Most of them started out their adult lives as not fat, as they have gotten older, they have gotten fat. When my friends are hating on someone, they will use the descriptor “fat” as a short hand for all that is repellant about that person. I and another person who have always been fat are challenging them on this every time we hear it, but it is slow going. Sometimes it feels like I am banging my head on a brick wall.
@Susan, Good rant! That is so offensive and totally nuts. Good for you and your friend for challenging them. But, I know, it can make you want to hit your head against the wall for sure.
I have a hard time with it too. I have been an activist for size acceptance for a longtime. Women hating their bodies and obessed with weight loss and staying thin is a hobby for some. For others a way to bond with friends. Overeating, then dieting to lose weight takes up lots of energy and way easier and more comfortable routine than to do the work to find out why you are in that cycle. We are a culture that is emotionally crippled and the diet binge cycle is a perfect way to keep emotions at bay. It takes all the patience and compassion I can muster to accept when I hear someone go on about their recent diet or about how fat they think they are. They use the health argument so convincingly. But as studies show, that health argument is flat out wrong. But ideas die hard and fatism is accepted in our culture. We gave a long way to go to love and accept ourselves no matter our size.
@Paula Capocchi, Great rant! This is so frustrating!
I'm sick of diet commercials that are just LIES!
I'm fed up with "fitness professionals" who feel the need to parade around half naked with abs exposed. Being fit doesn't always look like that. Chances are those people use surgery to help get the look they think is what will sell their product or service. Why can't they talk about being healthy and stop worrying about how they look?
[New Post] So Frustrating – via #twitoaster http://www.bodylovewellness.com/2010/10/…
Are you talking about a fat acceptance group, Golda? Or is its scope more broadly "women's" issues?
@Lissette Gonzalez, I’m talking about a women’s group, not a fat acceptance group. Good question!
i just wish pepole would realize that me coming to fact acceptance is steps towards recovery from 20 years of Eating Disorders (gogo builimia). HOw can you POSSIBLY begin to recovry from disordered eating while going on a diet? And i PROMISE i eat better than anyone who does complain about me. I am raising 2 kids and sneak veggies into EVERYTHING for their health (since i dont really agree with vitamin suppliments). /headdesk