by Golda Poretsky, H.H.C.
www.bodylovewellness.com

Listen to the podcast of this post here:

Oh, Valentine’s Day.  It does such a number on so many people.  Whether you’re in a relationship and don’t know how to celebrate or you’re not in a relationship and nearly hallucinating a hoarde of happy couples wherever you go, Valentine’s Day can easily mess you up.

I remember one particularly heinous Valentine’s Day weekend back in 2006.  Valentine’s Day was on a Tuesday, so it was as if the whole weekend beforehand were reserved for happy couples. I hadn’t had a date in a year.  All of my friends were coupled off.  I spent nearly the entire weekend at home, studying  my Institute for Integrative Nutrition homework and reading a dreary 19th century novel.  Those two things, in and of themselves, were not so bad, but from my perspective at the time, they felt like symptoms of my angst-ridden singleness.

Then, on Sunday afternoon of that never-ending weekend, my doorbell rang. I wrapped my shawl around my shoulders and went to the door.

At first, all I saw was a bouquet of roses.  But there was my apartment building’s super, a tiny, sprightly octogenarian, bringing me flowers during my lonely Valentine’s Day weekend.

I’m not telling you this to say that if you’re feeling really lonely someone’s going to show up with a bouquet of flowers.  Nor will I say that I wasn’t often creeped out by my super’s willingness to ignore a 50 year age difference, and later on, my boyfriend.  But I will tell you that from that day on, I started acknowledging the fact that someone in my life had feelings for me.  He might have been a head shorter and a half century older, but he dug me.  And that was cool, and not another reason to think I was a dork.  I decided to let that feeling of being admired sink into my bones and my bloodstream, and to know that there was more love and adoration coming my way.

After playing with this idea for about two months, I started getting way more dates from the same online dating sites that were yielding nothing a few months before.

Sometimes you just have to feel the love before it’s really there.

So, this week, if you’re feeling unloved, try this technique.  Start thinking of all the people in your life who express their love for you (or even their “like” for you).  Think about your friends who think you’re awesome, the guy at the deli who gives you a free cup of coffee now and again, your coworker who thinks your impressions are hilarious, family members who adore you, people in your life who might not be there now but who were important to you at one time, even your pets who freak out with happiness when you’re near.  Write it all down if it feel right.  Then notice if you find yourself feeling more loved.  As always, let me know how it goes in the comments below.

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Golda Poretsky, H.H.C. is a certified holistic health counselor who specializes in Health At Every Size.  She counsels women and men on how to get off the dieting roller coaster, give their bodies what they really crave, and love their bodies and themselves.

Looking for more support with intuitive eating and getting off diets?  Click here to sign up for your FREE Body Love Wellness Consultation.

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by Golda Poretsky, H.H.C.
www.bodylovewellness.com

Listen to the podcast of this post here:

Happy New Year, my dears!

I don’t need to quote a bunch of statistics in order to tell you that New Year’s resolutions, though popular, are often tossed aside within a week or so of resolving.

Many of us make a myriad of resolutions, the most popular often having to do with creating healthier habits. For many people who aren’t familiar with the problems with diets nor the possiblities of Health At Every Size, their resolutions to get healthy are often conflated with weight loss. But this blog entry is not about why Health At Every Size principles can create more health benefits than focusing on weight loss (which is a discussion that we should definitely have).

This entry is about the only resolution you really need.

Say it with me now… (more…)

by Golda Poretsky, H.H.C.
www.bodylovewellness.com

Listen to the podcast of this post here:

How often have you heard the aphorism, “it’s better to give than to receive?”

Well, I’ve heard it a lot, and I must beg to differ. I think they are equally wonderful, but receiving has gotten too bad of a rap.

Many of us have become accustomed to over-giving. We over-give of our time, our brainpower, our emotional energy. We do this all year long, and then heighten our over-giving for the holidays, where we buy more presents for others than our budgets really allow, we make food that we don’t really like in order to please others, we endure lots of parties we don’t want to attend, etc. etc. etc. It’s as if we’re all suffering from “Over-Giving Syndrome.” Amazingly, we do this at the time of year when the nights are the longest, when our bodies are telling us to rest more, to dream more, to restore our energy.

Giving, when done out of a true desire to give, is indeed beautiful and wonderful. But you can’t get to that point of pleasurable giving until you’ve really received.

In other words, you can’t pour eggnog from an empty container of eggnog.

(Mmmm… eggnog….)

But I digress. In this season of giving, I want to talk a little about the art of receiving as a cure for Over-Giving Syndrome. How is it done? How do you replenish your energy? How do you refill the eggnog container?

(Mmmm… eggnog…)

If you’ve been reading this blog for a while and trying my tips, then you’ve already learned some great tips on receiving. But receiving can be as simple as strategically employing a few simple words.

1) Say “No” More Often — “No” is such simple word, yet so hard to say when you’re unaccustomed to it! “No” is one of the best words to use when you feel your energy waning and know that you need to protect it. Practice saying “no” to small things first, just to get used to it. If you typically have trouble saying “no”, remember that “no” is a more loving word than it’s given credit for. When you say “no” to something you don’t want, you are being loving to yourself, your desires, and your needs. In addition, you’re being loving to the person who is requesting something of you, because they know where you stand and won’t suffer through your resentment for “making you” do something you don’t want to do.

2) Say “Yes” More Often — How often do you say “no” to things you want and say “yes” (or acquiese) to things you don’t want? In order to receive joyously, you also have to learn to say “yes” to the things you want. Just like saying “no” to the things you don’t want, saying “yes” to things you do want can take some negotiation. Say “yes” to lunch invitations, phone calls from friends, curling up with your favorite new novel, and other things that make you happy. If you want to refill your proverbial cup of eggnog, you’ll have to start saying “Yes” when someone cute at the deli accidentally drops it in your cart.

(Did someone say eggnog?)

3) Say “Thank You” (Without Caveats) More Often – Way back when, whenever someone complimented me on my outfit, I would immediately blurt out something like “It was so on sale!” or “Really? It’s so old!” or any number of horrendous things that deflected the compliment and made the complimenter sorry she ever said anything. (Okay, so I still do this 10% of the time. I admit it.) I had no idea that I could just say, “Thank you!” I also had no idea that simply saying “thank you” would have the desired effects of (a) allowing me to receive the compliment, (b) making me feel good, and (c) making the complimenter feel good about complimenting me. When someone gives you a gift or a compliment (which is also a gift), saying things like “you shouldn’t have” or “oh, no, I look terrible” has the completely undesired effects of (a) deflecting the compliment so that it doesn’t sink in and get received, (b) makes you feel bad, and (c) makes the complimenter feel bad because they were just told that their gift was not appreciated or accepted and that they were wrong for giving it.

Who knew it was so easy to receive? A few strategic “yesses”, “noes” and “thank you’s” and you’ll be feeling replenished in no time. Try it and comment to let me know how it goes.

Wishing you a very happy holiday! Have some eggnog for me, will ya?

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When you’re giving this holiday, give the gift of Body Love! Get Golda’s Body Love Meditation CD for $15 including FREE priority shipping! Each additional CD is only $10!

Now you can get Golda’s web site and blog all in one place! Check out www.bodylovewellness.com and click “blog” to read the blog!

Hello, dear readers! It’s good to be back! And just in time for Thanksgiving!

The holidays can bring up a lot of stuff. For some, it’s a joyous time of friends, fun, and delicious food. For others, it’s difficult and even traumatic. And of course, for many people, the experience of the holidays falls somewhere in between.

The messages we get about food around the holidays can be confronting as well as contradictory. You might have one relative who feels insulted when you don’t have seconds of their candied yams, and another relative who admonishes you for how much you’re eating. Even if you’re now an adult and family members don’t feel comfortable actually telling you what to eat, the holidays can bring up those feelings and experiences from childhood and cause you to relive them all over again.

I’m going to share a tip with you that is great to use at the holidays or any time when you’re getting contradictory information about what to eat. Sometimes the contradictory information is external (friends or relatives talking about what you should eat) or internal (diet rules from that cabbage diet you did five years ago getting in the way of what you need now).

This Thanksgiving, I want you to talk to yourself and treat yourself as a kindly parent would. This means that you ask yourself what you want to do in a situation, and then follow through and take care of it.
As an example, imagine you’re at Thanksgiving dinner. Your Aunt Sally is pushing you to try her pumpkin pie and your father is shooting you a “you had too much food already” glance. Aside from telling them both to shove it, what can you do? Using this tip, take a moment to ask yourself, in a kindly voice, if you would like more pie. Listen to the answer. It might be that you don’t want more pumpkin pie, but want more cake. It might be that you’re not hungry anymore. Or it might be something else. Listen to the answer and act upon it, knowing that you are doing what you want to do and you’ve made the best choice for you.

The goal of using this technique is to listen in to what you want to do by treating yourself with love. The point is not to pressure yourself into a decision. In fact, in the example above, you could tell your aunt that you’re not sure if you want more pie and want to take some time to see if you do.

This tip is also great to use if you have food allergies or other health concerns where eating what you think you want can be difficult. For example, when I eat wheat, my stomach gets upset and my skin gets itchy. One might think that that would be enough to keep me away from wheat, but I love bagels and bread with a love so fierce that I am loathe to speak of it. About 95% of the time, I’m able to avoid it by enjoying other foods and having the occasional gluten free English muffin. But it ain’t easy. So I use this technique often and recommend it to my clients often. For food allergies, I recommend using a loving voice and reminding yourself of why that food is problematic for you. In my case, I would think something like this, “Honey, I know you love bagels but remember how you feel when you eat them? You don’t want your stomach to hurt when you’re on the phone with your clients. What would you like to have instead?” And then I act on my internal response. Again, the point of this is to treat yourself with love. This technique reminds you that your health is important and that you are loved. You ask yourself lovingly what you need and then give it to yourself lovingly.

When you treat yourself with love by talking to yourself lovingly and acting lovingly, you’re better able to stay aware of your true needs and treat yourself in a healing manner.

As always, try this tip and let me know how it goes!

For other tips on getting through the holidays, check out these other tips on blessing your food, intuitive eating at parties, and taking in the sweetness of life.

By the way, we have lots of new and exciting offers at Body Love Wellness! Starting in less than 2 weeks, I’m teaching a 3 week teleclass to support you in your intuitive eating and body love journey. It’s only $60 for 3 classes!

And as always, let’s stay connected. Please stop by my Facebook group and become a member of the Body Love Wellness Group! You can also follow me on Twitter.

Be sure to check out our new podcast!  Body Love Wellness Podcast — Have A Food Coma Free Holiday!

As I noted in my tip this week, the Summer Solstice (occurring on June 21st at the end of the week) is often a time to celebrate the abundance of Mother Nature. A great way to celebrate this abundance is to take a moment to be grateful and thankful for the food we eat.
In much of Western culture, we’ve been taught to be critical of food. We’re taught to assess and evaluate its contents, whether it has the right vitamins, the right amount of calories, carbohydrates and fats, where it comes from, who makes it, whether it’s “junky” or “healthy” or “bad” or “good.” We toss so much opprobrium on our food that it might as well be a condiment!
As someone with a degree in integrative nutrition, of course, I am an advocate for having fresh, organic, well-made food available to everyone. I believe that the more people have access to whole, non-chemicalized foods, the less prevalent certain diseases will become.
That being said, the way most of us talk about our food may be more unhealthy than most of the food we eat. When we talk about how “bad” or “junky” or “crappy” or “unhealthy” our food is, we create a variety of problems. Below is a list of just a few!
1) Stress Response – When you eat and think that you’re eating something bad for you, this creates a stress response in the body. Your body is getting two signals: digest this food but it’s bad and you should stop eating! This conflict between what you’re actually doing and what your brain thinks you should be doing creates a stress response, also known as a “fight or flight” response. When you’re in fight or flight mode, the blood rushes away from the core of your body (where digestion takes place) to your limbs (where fighting and fleeing take place!). As a result of stressing yourself out about what you’re eating while you’re eating, you become unable to fully digest your food.
2) Negative Messages – By telling yourself that what you eat is bad or wrong or unhealthy, you’re also telling yourself that you are only worthy of such food; i.e., that you’re bad or wrong or unhealthy.
3) Oh, The Guilt! – With all of these negative messages, you also set up a guilt response. As a result, you start to feel guilty about what you eat and then seek out (often unconsciously) more sweet, salty or carbohydrate-packed foods – foods that provide a chemically soothing response – as penance for your guilt.
Luckily, shifting negative thoughts about food is actually quite simple, and I’d like to share one my favorite methods with you right now!
Take a moment, every time you eat, to bless your food. Take a moment to thank Mother Nature, another deity, the food itself, or yourself for feeding your body and nourishing yourself so well. Make this blessing truly your own and have fun with it. Your blessing can be as easy as a quick gratitude list for your food. You can think it to yourself or say it aloud. Getting your friends in on it will make it even more pleasurable. And if you’re accustomed to already blessing your meals as part of a religious practice, pay even more attention to the words you use. Feel the gratitude for the food in your body.
Comment below and let us know if you notice any changes in your relationship to food this week or tell us if you come up with any particularly great blessings!
And don’t forget to check out my blog at More of Me to Love.
Also, please stop by Golda’s Facebook group and become a member of the Body Love Wellness Group!