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rebecca Rebecca Jane Weinstein is the author of the book Fat Sex: The Naked Truth. Her talk, The Naked Truth About Fat Sex: The Top Five Things I Learned About Attraction And Body Size, is part of the Body Positive Dating Master Class happening this Saturday. For tickets and more info, click here.

Body Love Wellness: Why did you decide to write your book, Fat Sex?

Rebecca Jane Weinstein: I wrote the book because while running PeopleOfSize.com I was frequently being told very interesting and personal stories about fat and relationships, romance, and sex. It’s a topic that comes up a lot and is often fraught with conflict and pain. As much as I would like to say I was always hearing fabulous stories about great romance, it was mostly frustration and self-doubt. But not always. There were always some people who just had it going on. They had the self-esteem and great relationships to prove it. It was obviously something people cared deeply about and there was a great deal to discuss.

The book was actually my mother’s idea. She pointed out all this information that was being posted and said I needed to write a book. My mother and my fatness has a lot of history, so not only did I want to tell the stories, but I thought it was important that my mother supported the idea, as family plays a big part in what happens in our romantic relationships.

Although I didn’t know it at the time, it would turn out that writing the book was very good for me too. I learned so much, and un-learned so much.

BLW: What do you think is the biggest myth about fat and sex?

RJW: The biggest myth is that fat people, fat women in particular, are universally unattractive. Whatever society says, and what people say publically, it turns out that fat people are indeed sexually attractive to a whole lot of other people, and not just those with a specific preference. There is stigma attached to being romantically attached to a fat person. That is the real problem, not whether there is attraction. No everyone like everyone else, but there are more than enough people to go around.

BLW: If you could go back in time (let’s say, to high school) and tell your teenage self something about sex and dating, what would you say?

RJW: This is a difficult question because I think I would have to address every single thing anyone said to me, or I said to myself, about my body since I was a small child. My perception was totally distorted because fat had always been such a big issue in my life. I hadn’t the slightest idea what I actually looked like or how people perceived me. I’d like to go back to my childhood and tell myself that people will like me, love me, and be attracted to me. That even if I was different than many people, I was still lovable and worthy of love. Knowing that would have changed everything about sex and dating. My life would have been completely different. Perhaps “everything happens for a reason,” or at least we learn from our own experiences and that makes us who we are, so being a completely different person wouldn’t be so great after all. But I think romance would have been very different for me if I had been taught to think positively about myself instead of being taught that no one would ever like my body – which turns out to be completely false – and frankly, stupid.

You can catch Rebecca’s talk, The Naked Truth About Fat Sex: The Top Five Things I Learned About Attraction And Body Size, with an all-access ticket to the Body Positive Master Class. Get yours here!