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by Golda Poretsky, HHC
http://www.bodylovewellness.com

Last weekend, I took part in a business coaching workshop led by my mentor, Bill Baren. I was really excited to be there, to network with other business owners, to learn how I could reach more people with my message of radical body love and full-bodied empowerment.

Initially, I had viewed this workshop as “safe space.”  Unlike a health or wellness conference where things can devolve into anti-obesity health trolling really quickly, I didn’t expect that to happen at a conference that was really about doing a better job of marketing your business.

But, apparently, my expectations were kind of askew.

On the second day of this three-day conference, a wellness consultant was asked to speak about healthy things to do to have more energy for your business.  Great, weight-neutral topic, right?  But it soon became about how much weight her clients had lost, personal stories about weight loss (with lots of clapping) and how, if your business is failing, it’s probably your “health” (or, really, your weight).

Needless to say, I was severely pissed off.  I spent much of the day processing my anger and deciding what to do about it with the awesomely patient, awesomely HAES Anne Cuthbert, whom I had just met.  I wasn’t sure how to broach the subject.  Do I talk to Bill after class?  Do I raise my hand and speak up?  I found myself judging myself for not knowing what to do in that moment.  (Can you guys relate?)

Then, the next day, it felt like things were getting even worse.  One participant got up and talked about her idea for a photography based program that sounded really cool, and then she started talking about “this obese woman in my cooking class” and started to describe her in detail and how she wanted to “help her.”  As you can imagine, I was fuming.  And then another “weight loss specialist” got up and started talking about her program.

I just couldn’t take it, so I walked out.

Walking out of the room itself wasn’t enough, so I literally walked outside.  I walked along the water for a bit near the hotel.  I dashed off an email to the also awesomely patient Marilyn Wann on my phone.  I knew that I really needed to walk out in that moment, but if I never returned to the conference I would end up mad at myself.  I started to feel annoyed that the words of just a few people had made me feel like an “other” and that I had accepted that determination.

As I walked back to the hotel, I could see through the huge windows that the conference must be on break.  So I went in and waited in a long line of people to talk to Bill.  I told him what had been happening for me, how upset I was at the way people were talking about fat people, how I felt that if I stood up to ask a question about my business now, that most people would assume I was having an issue in my business because of my weight.  To his credit, he really heard me.  He said he had been looking for me to have me speak but he couldn’t find me in the audience!  So he asked me to take the floor when people came back from break.  I was glad that he asked me, but also scared. When I speak I like to have notes.  I like to plan what I say.  After having a really emotional couple of days, a big part of me said, “I’m not ready.”

Throughout the conference, Bill and his business partner had been talking about the importance of taking “imperfect action;” i.e., not waiting for something to be perfect before you do it.  It’s something I believe in deeply.  I know that if I spend too long perfecting something it will never get done.  It’s like waiting until your apartment is perfectly spotless before having friends over — if you’re me, that means never having friends over.

So Bill called on me and I took the stage.  I remembered Marilyn’s words of advice that it’s important to remind people of “what’s in it for them.”  So I talked about my experience, about what it’s like to be a fat person in our society, and how assuming things about someone based on their size, fat or thin, is detrimental for all of us.  It felt good to say all of this, to get the thoughts that were swirling around my head out to the people who I really wanted to hear this.

It was an incredible feeling.  I got a standing ovation for that very imperfect speech.  And after that, a slim man got up and told the room that they might not know it, but that he was gay.  He seconded what I was saying about feeling like an other, and he stated that he wanted to be a “thin ally.”  He didn’t know if there was such a thing, but he wanted to be one!  It felt amazing to have his support.

After the talk I got questions of the “what about health???” variety, but it led to a really open conversation where people seemed to really understand the problem with that whole question.  And for the rest of the day I mainly got lots of hugs along with words of support.  Plus, there was no more anti-fat talk!  It had become a safer space again for fat people again.

My point in writing this is not to say that it’s easy to speak up in an anti-fat environment, because it really isn’t.  I was really lucky to have a conference leader who got what I was talking about, and the support of Anne and Marilyn.  If all those things hadn’t happened, I may not have been able to speak up in the way I did.  But it did remind me that imperfect action feels really good.  It felt really good to take the stage and look at that group of 150 people and say, “Fuck it.  Let’s do this.”

Or, ahem, “Let’s take imperfect action.”

So when have you taken imperfect action and it worked? Let me know in the comments section below.

Are you curious about the Divine Feminine and how it might help you heal from food and body image issues? Then join me for my next free teleclass: Using The Secrets Of The Divine Feminine To Heal From Food And Body Image Issues. It’s coming up this week! Click here to register.

*By the way, if you were looking for the podcast on itunes this week, it isn’t there because my podcast server, podbean, totally bites! So I’m in the process of transferring 70 files to my site and getting itunes to find their way over here, so bear with me for a bit while I get this podcast thing figured out! Thanks!

Golda is a certified holistic health counselor and founder of Body Love Wellness, a program designed for plus-sized women who are fed up with dieting and want support to stop obsessing about food and weight. To learn more about Golda and her work, click here.