Listen to the podcast of this post here:

I’m writing this post by hand in bed.  Sitting at my computer in my office wasn’t working for me, and I felt that if I changed my location and switched to pen and paper I’d be able to write.  I knew instinctively that doing so would help me with this post, so I happily acted on that instinct.

So far so good!

This post is on a topic near and dear to my heart.  As most of you know, one of the techniques I work on with clients is intuitive eating.  This is highly transformative process that allows people to reconnect with their hunger, fullness, and internal sense of what really nourishes them.

Sometimes intuitive living takes some juggling (Image Courtesy Of http://www.retronaut.co/)

As you can imagine, what nourishes you often goes beyond food.  Figuring out what food supports you in feeling your best can be just the beginning of a deeper process of finding out what else needs to shift and change in your life to support you.  In fact, if you take a deep breath right now and ask yourself, “What nourishes me?”  you might be surprised by some of the answers you receive.  Relationships, work, our homes, spirituality, exercise, hobbies, etc. can all be incredibly nourishing.

This process of listening in to what you want and need and acting upon it is what I like to call intuitive living.  The more you act upon that voice inside you that pushes you toward what you really need, the more you feel like your life is really yours.  This process is incredibly rewarding and worthwhile, so I’m going to break down the technique for you here.

How To Get More Intuitive

Step 1:  Ask  – Step one is asking yourself questions like, “What is nourishing to me?  What would be fulfilling for me?  What would be fun or enjoyable for me right now?”  This is a process of learning what you need, what makes you tick, what makes you feel satisfied with your life.

Step 2: Listen — In order for step one to work, you have to be willing to hear the answers.  You have to allow yourself to be okay with everything that comes up, even if what comes up involves major, possibly scary life decisions.  Just stay open and respect the answers that come.  The more willing you are to listen, the louder and more crystal clear your internal intuition will become.

Step 3: Act On Information (Even/Especially The Small Stuff) – This step is often the hard part.  This is the part where we take the information we gleaned in step one and take some action. Sometimes it’s easy to take action — like when your gut says it would be nice to go see a movie and you have a free afternoon and the movie theatre is a block from your house.  It’s important to act on these intuitive messages as much as you can, even if it seems nonsensical.  (For example, I have finally learned that when I drive somewhere I should go the way my instinct tells me, even if it seems out of the way.  When I don’t, I always encounter more traffic and problems than I expect.)

Sometimes, though, it’s much harder and more complicated to act upon your intuition.  It can involve more planning, like a career change, or more emotional readiness, like ending a relationship. (Believe me, I’ve been there.  It only took me about ten years to act on my gut feeling from the first semester of law school that working full time as a lawyer for the rest of my life was a really bad idea.)

Mindset Shift:  Prioritize Your Desires – In order to really live intuitively, you need to prioritize your desires.  You have to prioritize nourishing your soul.  There are going to be days when you’re confronted with conflicts like staying at work or following your desire to go to a yoga class.  In fact, probably nearly every day, you’re going to be confronted with a cascade of shoulds and the question of how and where and when to displace them with what you intuitively feel is right for you.  More and more, as you work through this process, de-prioritize the shoulds.

Being In The Flow

When you practice intuitive living, you automatically feel more in the flow.  You’re in the right place at the right time more often, you talk to someone who gives you the answer to something you were questioning, opportunities come your way that align more with what you want.

Here’s an example from my own life.  About 15 months ago, I was interviewed by Autumn of The Beheld blog (the post didn’t appear until more recently.)  Around the time of the interview, the blog featured a post about how she’d completely stopped using shampoo on her hair.  I was really intrigued by it, and sort of wanted to do it, but rationalized reasons why I just couldn’t.  Nearly a year later, I finally decided to act on my intuition and try “no-poo” and now, three months into it, I really love it. It took a lot of investigating into how to do “no-poo” right, and in the forums I found on it I also found a lot of people who use only body art quality henna to color their hair.  I’d been coloring and highlighting my hair for about 7 years, but my scalp was always irritated by commercial hair dyes, even the ones that were supposed to be more natural.  Henna is a little complicated, but luckily Amanda of Love Your Body Detroit is an avid henna user and ended up providing me with great tips on henna.  (I have it happily plopped on my head as I write this.) Once I stopped using shampoo, my commercially produced body washes felt too harsh on my skin, so I started using natural soap and I (and my skin) are so much happier.  Finally, going “no-poo” also lead me to get rid of a lot of the hair products that were cluttering the top of my dresser, because when you don’t use shampoo you can’t use hair products that cause build up.  I found that I really liked using less products and having less products cluttering my space.  I wanted to declutter more, but I felt like I needed support in changing my mindset on what to keep and what to let go of.  Then, about three weeks ago, seemingly out of the blue, my client Nadira mentioned how a book called The Joy of Less had helped her and her husband pare down their possessions and create lots of wonderful space in their home.  I bought the book and it helped me immensely.  And while this is an ongoing project, I can happily say that I’m writing this to you from my significantly decluttered and spacious feeling bedroom.

In other words, listening to my intuition about not using shampoo put me on a trajectory that led to a lot of lovely changes in my life.  Of course, if I hadn’t listened to it, I’d probably be okay, but I wouldn’t have gotten to enjoy the happiness that less irritated skin and a less cluttered apartment has brought me.

I would love to hear about your experiments with intuitive living.  Please let me know how it goes in the comments section below or on my Facebook page.

Golda is a certified holistic health counselor and founder of Body Love Wellness, a program designed for plus-sized women who are fed up with dieting and want support to stop obsessing about food and weight. Go to http://www.bodylovewellness.com/free to get your free download — Golda’s Top Ten Tips For Divine Dining! And, please join her and twenty of the biggest names in HAES(R) and Fat Acceptance at the Body Love Revolutionaries Telesummit!

Intuitive Living originally appeared on Body Love Wellness on January 9, 2012.

by Golda Poretsky, H.H.C.
www.bodylovewellness.com

Thanks to former body acceptance advocate Jess Weiner’s misinformation campaign, body acceptance has been getting a bad rap as something dangerous and unhealthy.

NOTHING could be further from the truth.  I know many of you of have experienced body acceptance as a healing, loving, and transformational force in your life.

Please feel free to use this as your Body Love Saved Me Badge!

Maybe it made you decide to stop dieting and eat in a way that was healing and nourishing.

Maybe it helped you heal from an eating disorder.

Maybe it made you stop over-exercising when you realized that you were damaging your precious body.

Maybe it got you to start exercising when you found that moving your body in loving ways felt good.

Maybe it helped you get better medical care because you knew that you were entitled to more than “it’ll go away if you lose weight.”

Maybe it got you out of a bad relationship, or into a good one. 

Maybe it gave you the confidence to stand up for yourself.

Maybe it allowed you to stop comparing yourself to everyone and see the beauty in yourself.

Maybe it freed you from the pain of self hatred and allowed you to feel good about the person you are.

If body acceptance has been a positive influence in your life, I want to hear your story.

I want to make this really easy.  So please email me at mystory @ bodylovewellness.com with the following:

1) Your first name or initials
2) Your location (city, state, country)
3) Optional: A picture of you
4) Your story of how body love has helped you.

I hope to publish at least 5 of your stories here at the blog.   Please note that if your story doesn’t get published, it doesn’t mean that it isn’t great, I’m just looking to make sure that there’s some variety in the posts.

Please share this with all of your body loving friends and encourage them to write!

Golda Poretsky, H.H.C. is a certified holistic health counselor who specializes in empowering plus sized women to own their bodies and their beauty. Go to http://www.bodylovewellness.com/free to get your free download — Golda’s Top Ten Tips For Divine Dining!

Body Love SAVED Me: Share Your Story originally appeared on Body Love Wellness on August 11, 2011.

by Golda Poretsky, H.H.C.
www.bodylovewellness.com

Listen to the podcast of this post here:

I tried to write this post about 10 times this week, and every time, I just couldn’t do it.

I had ideas but I didn’t like them enough.  I sat down to write and then found every distraction I could find (hello, Facebook!).

I used every trick in the book.

Affirmations! — “I’m an excellent writer who writes my blog easily!”

Time Management Skills! — I will set a timer for exactly 50 minutes, and it will be done in that time.  Everyone knows that work always fits the time allotted to it. It’s Parkinson’s Law in action!

Free Writing! — I know that if I write about whatever eventually it will be something interesting and then it will all come together in a genius blog post yes that will happen I know it when is it going to happen?

Relocation!  — Maybe if I just get out of my office and go to a coffee shop I’ll be inspired by the energy of those around me!

None of it worked.  Not one bit.  And as a coach who helps people move through resistance all the time, it was kind of a bummer that I couldn’t do it for myself this time.

Maybe you’ve experienced something similar.  Have you ever had a project with a deadline, where you knew you could do it but just couldn’t make it happen?  I can’t be the only one.

So I decided to write about that struggle today.  That struggle of making something happen versus getting into agreement with the idea that it may not.

It was only when I got into agreement with the idea that maybe, just maybe, I wasn’t going to get my blog in by the deadline, that I was able to write this post.  I told myself that it was okay, that I could re-use an old post that a lot of new readers haven’t seen yet rather than come up with something new.  Going with the flow and acknowledging that I was stuck actually got me unstuck!

And then I just decided to write about not being able to write a post.  I’m now about 10 minutes into it, and I think I’m going to stop while the gettin’s good.

In a weird way, my struggle with writing my blog today is a lot like the struggle that many of us face when we try to change our bodies through dieting, over-exercising and other behaviors.  We often get to a point where our bodies rebel — we eat more than we “should”, we get injured and have to slow down, or we just get tired of fighting with ourselves. By accepting our bodies and our imperfection, we can actually relax and trust our bodies are really okay.  By giving up the struggle, we can just be and let things unfold.

Have you ever gotten into agreement with something that wasn’t working for you and finally found the solution you were looking for?  Please share it with me here or on Facebook.

Golda Poretsky, H.H.C. is a certified holistic health counselor who specializes in empowering plus sized women to own their bodies and their beauty. Go to http://www.bodylovewellness.com/free to get your free download — Golda’s Top Ten Tips For Divine Dining!

Join Golda for her 21-day Body Love Makeover Attraction Program. It starts tomorrow!

On Total Blog Fails And Going With The Flow (Mercury In Retrograde Edition) originally appeared on Body Love Wellness on August 8, 2011.

by Golda Poretsky, H.H.C.
www.bodylovewellness.com

Listen to the podcast of this post here.

A few days ago, I recorded an interview with Sharon Crawford for The Spiritual Path To Food And Body Freedom Summit (feel free to check out it out here). I was asked to speak about Health At Every Size(SM), and bring that different perspective to the summit.  I talked about all of the benefits of HAES(SM) of course, but I also went off on some well-worn tangents and some totally new ones (at least for me).

I found myself talking about body acceptance as a major peace movement of our century, and I truly think that it is.

Per Buddha "Peace comes from within. Do not seek it without." (Image courtesy of voluptuart.com)

In our culture, we learn to wage war on our bodies. We fight the battle of the bulge (not the WWII version), we fight our fat, fight our hunger.  We strive for control over the size our bellies and thighs.  We use chemical warfare (diet pills), surgical strikes (weight loss surgery, liposuction). I can’t tell you how many clients have said to me that they’ve fantasized about cutting off the fat from their bodies.  Maybe you can relate to that concept.

This is a war without end, a war that neither your body or your mind can ever win.  So the question becomes, how do you end the suffering?

I think that the only way to end the suffering is to make peace.

It may be that neither side really gets what it wants.  Your mind is going to have to live with the fact that your body is never going to look like [insert actor/model here, and plus sized models count].  Your body is going to have to live with the fact that your mind’s inner critic is going to crop up every once in a while.  But that’s the reality of peace — it’s not always easy.  That’s why it’s called making peace.  It takes some work.

So my tip for this week is to actively envision your body and mind making peace.  Imagine them coming to the table.  Maybe there are some things that need to be hashed out.  Perhaps some apologies are in order.  And then, imagine both parties committing to peace.  Imagine your body and mind living in harmony, in mutual respect and admiration.  When discord strikes, practice bringing yourself back into a state of peace.  Take a deep breath and envision, hear, and/or feel that state of peace return.

What might happen if you actually practiced holding this place of peace within you?  How would you feel?  How would relate to others?  How might it affect your food choices, your body movement choices, your life choices?  Now imagine that everyone around you started to do this.  How might it impact the world?

I can’t wait to see.

Golda Poretsky, H.H.C. is a certified holistic health counselor who specializes in empowering plus sized women to own their bodies and their beauty. Go to http://www.bodylovewellness.com/free to get your free download — Golda’s Top Ten Tips For Divine Dining!

And, for support with loving your body and amping up your attraction factor, check out Golda’s 21-day Body Love Makeover Attraction Program. It starts next week!

Body Love And The Inner Peace Movement originally appeared on Body Love Wellness on August 1, 2011.

by Golda Poretsky, H.H.C.
www.bodylovewellness.com

Listen to the podcast of this post here!

I think it’s about time that I share another vaguely embarrassing story with you!

Last week, I took a moment to indulge in my latest self care obsession — mani/pedis.  There’s something so lovely and pleasantly mindless about picking out nail polish color, dunking your feet in warm water, and watching the Food Network out of the corner of your eye with a bunch of your neighbors.

Image From A 1936 Issue of Cosmo (Seriously!)

The woman who usually does my nails, Anne, is Korean and doesn’t speak all that much English, so most of our exchanges are of the “nice color!” and “it’s hot out” variety.  But the last time I went, as she was massaging lotion into my hands, some of the lotion got on my arm, accentuating my arm hair.  So she pointed at my arms and asked, “Wax arms?”

Now admittedly, even in my worst moments of negative body image, the hair on my arms wasn’t really a focus.  Though I distinctly remember a time in my teens when I was worried about my arm hair.  I even remember being a 14 year old camp counselor, sitting in a circle with other female camp counselors and distractedly noticing the color and volume of their arm hair.  I determined in that moment that while I had more arm hair than most girls, that it wasn’t enough to really be noticeable. Back then, I had bigger body hatred fish to fry, like my overall fatness.  If I could just get thinner, I thought back then, body hair stuff would be less important.

Even so, twenty years later, I was rather excited and a little surprised by the words that rolled out of my mouth when Anne threw out the “wax arms?” question.  I simply said, “No, thanks.  I know my arms are a little hairy, but they’re mine and like them.”

They’re mine and I like them?  It was amazing to hear myself say that.

Most of the time body acceptance is such an internal game, a practice of dealing with your inner critic, changing your inner dialogue, working through painful thoughts and feelings.  It takes a lot of work to go from the reflex of body hatred and criticism to body love and acceptance.  So it felt so good to realize that body love is a reflex for me, and one that I can really express and share with the outside world even when potential triggers get thrown my way.

Has this ever happened to you?  Have you ever had your body love reflexes kick into gear?

Here are just a few blog posts to get your body love muscles flexing.

And, if you want support to strengthen your body love reflexes, amp up your attraction factor, and practice love and dating from a place of self love?  If this sounds like fun, check out my new 21-day Body Love Makeover Attraction Program and I’ll see you in class!

The Body Love Reflex originally appeared on Body Love Wellness on July 25, 2011.

by Golda Poretsky, H.H.C.
www.bodylovewellness.com

Listen to the podcast of this post here:

When I wrote this cranky post about the “real women…” phenomenon, I never expected it to resonate with so many women.

Image By Wyanne Thompson www.wyanne.com

It seems that fat, thin, in between, curvy, not curvy, in between, cisgender, trans, various gynecological surgeries or symptoms, or whatever, there’s a lot of crap that makes us feel like not so real women.

For most of my teenage/ adult life I felt like not very much of a real woman due to having polycystic ovarian syndrome (P.C.O.S. for short.)  (This is not something I write about much, but I feel on a deep level that sharing it will be helpful to some of you, so I’m going for it.)  For those of you who don’t know what that it is, it’s basically a cluster of symptoms that people who have it get to varying degrees, including irregular or absent periods, weight gain, hirsutism, acne, anovulation, infertility, ovarian cysts, and insulin resistance (with a higher chance of type 2 diabetes).  Some women get only one or two symptoms and they’re mild and some get nearly all or all of them quite severely.

Back when I was a preteen, P.C.O.S. was not on anyone’s radar.  I went on The Pill as a young teenager to regulate my periods, which worked for a while, but now some researchers think it only makes P.C.O.S. worse.  Over the years, I’ve treated this with everything from hormones to acupuncture to meditation to vitamins and supplements to dietary changes.  (Some of you, I’m sure, are going to comment that I just need to do X, Y, and Z to make it better, and I can assure you that I’ve probably tried X, Y, and Z multiple times.)  I used to blame myself horrendously for my absolute failure to heal the P.C.O.S., and truthfully, a big part of body acceptance for me was accepting that I’m not a horrible person for not being able to get a period regularly. Spending as much time around holistic types as I did, you can sometimes feel shame for not being able to cure something with the right amount of probiotics, Bach’s flower remedies, and meditation.

I also had to come to terms with the idea that I was “not less of a woman” for it. I think a big part of the fact that I mostly had guy friends until my late twenties was that guys don’t complain about menstrual cramps nor talk about how fat they are (although lately, I think that’s changed).  I always dreaded the periods and fat conversations. Having P.C.O.S. always seemed like a failure and something to be ashamed of.  Unlike fatness, it’s something that you can hide pretty well, until your roommate keeps taking your tampons and then notices that you don’t replace them very often.

Over the last few years, I’ve changed my internal discourse around my womanhood.  I’ve realized that I’m not “less of a woman” (whatever that might mean) just because I don’t get the requisite number of periods.  I want to make choices that are as healing as possible for me/my body, but one of those choices is choosing to let go of the stress and striving and worrying about this.

Have you struggled with feeling like a “real woman” due to P.C.O.S. or anything else?  Let me know what you think in the comments section below!

Golda Poretsky, H.H.C. is a certified holistic health counselor who specializes in transforming your relationship with food and your body. Go to http://www.bodylovewellness.com/stay-in-touch/ to sign up for her newsletter and get your free download — Golda’s Top Ten Tips For Divine Dining!

“Real Women,” PCOS & Body Image originally appeared on Body Love Wellness on June 6, 2011.

by Golda Poretsky, HHC
http://www.bodylovewellness.com

Listen to the podcast here:

When you think about the fact that dieting* doesn’t lead to long term weight loss, better health, nor even better self-esteem, what’s really left to recommend dieting?

The only thing that dieting really does is allow us to fit in.

Beth Ditto (via wiki commons)

By dieting, a fat person tells the world “Yes, I realize that I’m fat, but I’m desperately try to correct that in order to fit in.” If that dieting results in some temporary weight loss, said fat person may actually fit in a bit more, and receive some of the benefits of thinness.

The benefits of thinness in a fat-hating society are many.  Being thin allows you to avoid the kinds of discrimination that fat people experience in schools, the job market, and medical treatment.  Being thinner can mean less glares, and less uninvited judgment by others regarding food and fitness.

When you’re subject to so many negative stereotypes (lazy, slovenly, unhealthy, etc.) as a result of being part of the group, a natural reaction is to try to leave that group or “pass” for a member of a more highly regarded group. We’ve seen examples of that among negatively stereotyped minority groups before.  With fatness, however, we have a variant of this situation because (a) many members of the fat group don’t perceive themselves as part of any group and (b) the dominant culture tells us that if we had more willpower and got dieting right, we wouldn’t be in that negatively stereotyped group.  In other words, being fat is often seen as a choice which makes fat people even more deserving of these stereotypes.

I’m only laying all of this out on the line to bring an awareness to it.  Because, frankly, I think fitting in is highly overrated.  I’d rather just fit out.

Gabourey Sidibe (via wiki commons)

If you take a moment to think about some of your favorite people, whether they’re your friends and family, or artists, musicians, politicians, activists or whatever, do the people you really admire really fit in?  Or do they buck trends, say unpopular things, look funny, and/or have innovative ideas?

Fitting out means being who you are, even when people insist that you have to change.  Fitting out means taking up space, not apologizing for yourself, and not agreeing with those who seek to label you with stereotypes.

By the way, I’m not making light of the discrimination that fat people face.  It’s wrong and discrimination laws should be extended so that we can fight it better.  I’m just saying that trying to become thin to avoid this discrimination is not the answer.

How To Fit Out

Fitting out can be amazingly freeing.  So here are some ways to experiment with fitting out.

1) Explore Your Desires – What is it that you really want?  Most of us rarely take the time to ask ourselves this question.  It’s a really powerful question, and the more you ask it, and the more you allow yourself to really hear your answers, the more you can start to move in that direction.  If your internal dialogue often comes down to “I want to do X, but I should do Y,” then experiment more with doing X.  Let your internal guidance system make more choices.  Rarely will you do anything so drastic as to jeopardize your job or important relationships.  In essence, you want to explore what happens when you allow yourself to be more yourself.

2) No More Hiding – Spending a lot of life performing that you are something that you’re not is really stressful.  It takes an inordinate amount of energy to pretend that you’re happy.  That energy that you spend pretending to not be you could be put to much better use.  When you hide who you really are, everyone misses out.  You miss out on the opportunity to be more authentically you, and the world misses out on all that you have to offer.  So, even from a purely altruistic standpoint, fitting out is a good idea.

Bjork (via wiki commons)

3) Look For Inspiration — In the last few years, I feel like I’ve been surrounding myself with more and more people who are willing to fit out.  But here, I’m going to name a few people living today as well as a few historical figures whom I see as examples of fitting out.  (By the way, this list is just a tiny sampling of people who fabulously fit out.)

Historical

• Victoria Woodhull — Among a gazillion things, she was a clairvoyant businesswoman who ran for President in 1872 and believed in free love.
• Albert Einstein  — Aside from being the father of modern physics, he was not fond of wearing socks nor brushing his hair.
• Lillian “Diamond Lil” Russell — Known for being “over 200 pounds” she was the major sex symbol of the 1890′s, and used her fame to fight for women’s suffrage.
• Paul Robeson  — He was a lawyer/athlete/Phi Beta Kappa member and one of the greatest singers ever and he fought for civil rights despite the negative effect on his career.
• Emma Goldman — She tried prostitution because she hated working in sweatshops, and when that didn’t work out, she became an amazing spokesperson for women’s rights and free love.

Current

Emma Goldman (via wiki commons)

• Beth Ditto  — Fat and fabulous frontwoman for The Gossip, she regularly gets nearly naked on stage, is considered a fashion icon and is much beloved despite not fitting the current image of what women in music should look like.
• Gabourey Sidibe  — Fat and fabulous Oscar-nominated actress who blew the press’s mind due to her quick wit and all around awesomeness.  (Their minds shouldn’t have been so blown, but it was great to see.)
• Alan Grayson — Famous for telling it like it is.  Rather than playing politics, this former Congressman told the world that the Republican healthcare plan was “Don’t get sick.  And if you get sick, die quickly.”
• Bjork  — Swan dress.  All a capella albums.  Anarchic youth.
• Helena Bonham Carter — Utterly mesmerizing actress who wears utterly bizarre clothing on red carpets and doesn’t give a crap.

*You can substitute dieting with bariatric surgery throughout this post.

Let me know how you’re going to fit out in the comments section below!

Golda Poretsky, H.H.C. is a certified holistic health counselor who specializes in transforming your relationship with food and your body. Go to http://www.bodylovewellness.com/stay-in-touch/ to get your free download — Golda’s Top Ten Tips For Divine Dining.

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Losing Weight To Fit In — Is It Worth It? originally appeared on Body Love Wellness on April 24, 2011.

Haters Gonna Hate By Omar Noory from http://thisisallido.com

by Golda Poretsky, HHC
http://www.bodylovewellness.com

Listen to the podcast here:

Last week, I had a weirdly cathartic moment watching a Yankees vs. Red Sox game. The game was at Fenway, and I noticed that each time Alex Rodriguez (who is a Yankee) walked to the plate, he was greeted by a roar of tens of thousands of people booing him.

I realize that a Yankee getting booed in Boston is nothing new. Yet, I started to think about how strange it must be to get booed for doing your job really well. Whether they hate his personal life or the Yankees or whatever, most people would agree that, at least based on the numbers, Alex Rodriguez is one of the greatest players in the history of baseball, right? And yet, he pretty much gets booed in every away game in every stadium across the country.

I had actually decided to watch that game that day because I was feeling really fed up. I had just received a couple of really fat-hating comments on my blog, and an email from a woman who thought my work was too “women-centric.” Watching the game was a little retreat for me. And yet, I found myself feeling good as I watched ARod get booed. Not from schadenfreude, but because it was really inspiring. Seeing him get hit after hit, despite the booing, reminded me of this really important lesson.

Haters gonna hate. That’s just what they do.

As a proponent of Health At Every Size and a fat activist, I know what it’s like to push ahead despite the presence of vociferous haters. The more my work gets out there, the more hateful comments I get, the more angry emails I get, the more funny looks I get.

Whether you’ve just been dabbling in body acceptance or you’re a full-on fat activist, you’ve probably experienced similar things. And because none of us have a $30-million a year contract to keep us going, I think it’s important to look at how to keep going in the face of haters. How do you stand in your commitment to being at peace with your body when the “common wisdom” (a wisdom which is paid for by the $60 billion a year diet industry, among other industries) is against you?

1) Your New Mantra — “Haters Gonna Hate” — I’m a big proponent of using really positive affirmations strategically to change internal thought patterns, so “haters gonna hate” is not the kind of mantra that I’d usually recommend. I do find, however, that “haters gonna hate” is an extremely powerful phrase to use when hatred for your choices is coming your way. It’s a reminder that there will always be haters — people in your life who like to denigrate what you’re all about — and it’s pretty much their job to hate. So if haters are hating on you, that’s just what they do, and you can let it go. You can, then, really focus your attention on people who love what you’re about or are at least open-minded about it, instead of taking that hater’s hate to heart.

2) The Alternative Is No Alternative — If you’ve already started to experiment with body positivity and Health At Every Size, it’s pretty much impossible to go back to full-on body hatred and the belief that you should “do something” about your weight. It creates extreme cognitive dissonance to sit in a Weight Watchers’ meeting fiddling with your points tracker and flagellating yourself over gaining .4 pounds when you’ve been reading body positive blogs all weekend. It just doesn’t work, at least not for long.

3) Being A Revolutionary Is Never Easy – Being body positive in a world where teenagers are getting botox and Dove is pushing deodorant that makes your “unsightly” underarms look prettier is not easy. You are bucking an entrenched system that tells you that hating your body is the right way to feel and that feeling that way is for your own good. This sort of revolution is the kind that “has to be believed to be seen.”* We have to outpicture for ourselves a world where people’s bodies, no matter what their size, are treated with respect and love. Not only that, we have to “be the change we wish to see in the world”** by actively being positive about our bodies, refusing to engage in negative body talk, refusing to engage in diet talk, wearing clothes that make us feel good rather than hide, and having conversations about why the pathologizing of fat hurts us all. This can be an extremely tall order and cause tension — but it’s necessary tension. We might not always do a perfect job at it either, but that’s okay. If we want to truly change the world we have to be easier on ourselves about being uneasy.

Feel free to let me know what helps you when the haters start hating.

*I’m quoting a U2 song here (“Walk On”). I really wanted to quote Emma Goldman or Martin Luther King, Jr. and I somehow went with Bono.
**Gandhi quote! Yes!

Golda Poretsky, H.H.C. is a certified holistic health counselor who specializes in transforming your relationship with food and your body. Go to http://www.bodylovewellness.com/stay-in-touch/ to get your free download — Golda’s Top Ten Tips For Divine Dining.

How To Handle Haters Hating originally appeared on Body Love Wellness on April 18, 2011.

by Golda Poretsky, HHC
http://www.bodylovewellness.com

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Last weekend, I took part in a business coaching workshop led by my mentor, Bill Baren. I was really excited to be there, to network with other business owners, to learn how I could reach more people with my message of radical body love and full-bodied empowerment.

Initially, I had viewed this workshop as “safe space.”  Unlike a health or wellness conference where things can devolve into anti-obesity health trolling really quickly, I didn’t expect that to happen at a conference that was really about doing a better job of marketing your business.

But, apparently, my expectations were kind of askew.

On the second day of this three-day conference, a wellness consultant was asked to speak about healthy things to do to have more energy for your business.  Great, weight-neutral topic, right?  But it soon became about how much weight her clients had lost, personal stories about weight loss (with lots of clapping) and how, if your business is failing, it’s probably your “health” (or, really, your weight).

Needless to say, I was severely pissed off.  I spent much of the day processing my anger and deciding what to do about it with the awesomely patient, awesomely HAES Anne Cuthbert, whom I had just met.  I wasn’t sure how to broach the subject.  Do I talk to Bill after class?  Do I raise my hand and speak up?  I found myself judging myself for not knowing what to do in that moment.  (Can you guys relate?)

Then, the next day, it felt like things were getting even worse.  One participant got up and talked about her idea for a photography based program that sounded really cool, and then she started talking about “this obese woman in my cooking class” and started to describe her in detail and how she wanted to “help her.”  As you can imagine, I was fuming.  And then another “weight loss specialist” got up and started talking about her program.

I just couldn’t take it, so I walked out.

Walking out of the room itself wasn’t enough, so I literally walked outside.  I walked along the water for a bit near the hotel.  I dashed off an email to the also awesomely patient Marilyn Wann on my phone.  I knew that I really needed to walk out in that moment, but if I never returned to the conference I would end up mad at myself.  I started to feel annoyed that the words of just a few people had made me feel like an “other” and that I had accepted that determination.

As I walked back to the hotel, I could see through the huge windows that the conference must be on break.  So I went in and waited in a long line of people to talk to Bill.  I told him what had been happening for me, how upset I was at the way people were talking about fat people, how I felt that if I stood up to ask a question about my business now, that most people would assume I was having an issue in my business because of my weight.  To his credit, he really heard me.  He said he had been looking for me to have me speak but he couldn’t find me in the audience!  So he asked me to take the floor when people came back from break.  I was glad that he asked me, but also scared. When I speak I like to have notes.  I like to plan what I say.  After having a really emotional couple of days, a big part of me said, “I’m not ready.”

Throughout the conference, Bill and his business partner had been talking about the importance of taking “imperfect action;” i.e., not waiting for something to be perfect before you do it.  It’s something I believe in deeply.  I know that if I spend too long perfecting something it will never get done.  It’s like waiting until your apartment is perfectly spotless before having friends over — if you’re me, that means never having friends over.

So Bill called on me and I took the stage.  I remembered Marilyn’s words of advice that it’s important to remind people of “what’s in it for them.”  So I talked about my experience, about what it’s like to be a fat person in our society, and how assuming things about someone based on their size, fat or thin, is detrimental for all of us.  It felt good to say all of this, to get the thoughts that were swirling around my head out to the people who I really wanted to hear this.

It was an incredible feeling.  I got a standing ovation for that very imperfect speech.  And after that, a slim man got up and told the room that they might not know it, but that he was gay.  He seconded what I was saying about feeling like an other, and he stated that he wanted to be a “thin ally.”  He didn’t know if there was such a thing, but he wanted to be one!  It felt amazing to have his support.

After the talk I got questions of the “what about health???” variety, but it led to a really open conversation where people seemed to really understand the problem with that whole question.  And for the rest of the day I mainly got lots of hugs along with words of support.  Plus, there was no more anti-fat talk!  It had become a safer space again for fat people again.

My point in writing this is not to say that it’s easy to speak up in an anti-fat environment, because it really isn’t.  I was really lucky to have a conference leader who got what I was talking about, and the support of Anne and Marilyn.  If all those things hadn’t happened, I may not have been able to speak up in the way I did.  But it did remind me that imperfect action feels really good.  It felt really good to take the stage and look at that group of 150 people and say, “Fuck it.  Let’s do this.”

Or, ahem, “Let’s take imperfect action.”

So when have you taken imperfect action and it worked? Let me know in the comments section below.

Are you curious about the Divine Feminine and how it might help you heal from food and body image issues? Then join me for my next free teleclass: Using The Secrets Of The Divine Feminine To Heal From Food And Body Image Issues. It’s coming up this week! Click here to register.

*By the way, if you were looking for the podcast on itunes this week, it isn’t there because my podcast server, podbean, totally bites! So I’m in the process of transferring 70 files to my site and getting itunes to find their way over here, so bear with me for a bit while I get this podcast thing figured out! Thanks!

© Golda Poretsky 2011

Golda Poretsky, H.H.C. is a certified holistic health counselor who specializes in transforming your relationship with food and your body. Go to http://www.bodylovewellness.com/stay-in-touch/ to get your free download — Golda’s Top Ten Tips For Divine Dining and sign up for her newsletter!

The Power of “Let’s Do This.” originally appeared on Body Love Wellness on April 4, 2011.

by Golda Poretsky, HHC
http://www.bodylovewellness.com

Mazel Tov Means "Good Luck" in Yiddish and These Looked Tasty, Hence, I Used This Image

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I have a question for you.  How much of your health is really just luck?

I found myself asking myself this question recently when my skin broke out all of a sudden and all over my face.  I figured it was an allergic reaction to something, but I couldn’t figure out what it might be.  Then I started to think it might be the beginnings of acne rosacea, which runs in my family.

Even though I do positive body image work for a living, I wasn’t exactly excited to have the worst acne I had ever had in my life.

I was attending a conference that weekend, which meant that I was pretty much eating whatever the other conference attendees were eating, so I couldn’t make any major food changes without an effort that I wasn’t really willing to make.  I took some milk thistle (a gentle, liver supporting herb) in case my body was trying to deal with a toxin and in case this was the start of rosacea.  I upped other vitamin supplements, including a B complex, C, grape seed extract, and whatever other ones may have come to my attention at that point.  I used a more intense face wash than I usually use, which seemed to only make it worse.  I dabbed my skin with witch hazel to keep it clean, which didn’t seem to do anything. And I wore more makeup than usual.  That’s about it.

A few days later, the new acne and redness was pretty much gone.  Hooray for milk thistle!

Or was it the extra anti-oxidants?  Or was it sleep?  Or was I stressed out about something and the stress was now gone?  Or was it genes?  Or was it a particular type of pollen whose levels had gone down?  Or was it…

In other words, I have no idea why this skin issue went away.  I don’t know if it was one of the gazillion things that I did, or a bunch of them, or none of them at all.

I think in our culture, when someone is sick, we often look for something to blame. Fat people know this all to well.  Everything from achy joints, to colds, to cancer gets blamed on fat.  We hear things like, “Of course she got diabetes, she was fat!”  Or, “Of course he had a heart attack. He eats badly!”  But the reality is, thin people also get diabetes.  The reality is, fat people who get diabetes may be fat because of the diabetes, rather than the other way around.  The reality is, plenty of people who eat healthfully have heart problems and plenty of people who eat poorly never have a heart attack.

We live in a culture of cause and effect.  We live in a culture of logic, of if-then statements.  If you’re this, then this happens.

But in reality, cause and effect are rarely clear in any circumstance.  A thousand causes, in a chain or simultaneously, could lead to a single effect.

Here’s what I think.  I think we should do what we can to support our healing, but that we shouldn’t blame ourselves when luck (i.e., money, genetics, and a gazillion other things we might not be able to account for) isn’t on our side. Blame is really counterproductive.  It makes you feel bad and guilty, which just creates more stress. I think we should love our bodies, and do our best to feed ourselves nourishing foods and move joyously.  I think we should all have access to good, non-judgmental health care, alternative and not, when we want it (this part is also hard to control, for many of us).

So what are you still blaming yourself for? Let me know in the comments section below.

Are you curious about the Divine Feminine and how it might help you heal from food and body image issues? Then join me for my next free teleclass: Using The Secrets Of The Divine Feminine To Heal From Food And Body Image Issues. It’s coming up this week! Click here to register.

Golda Poretsky, H.H.C. is a certified holistic health counselor who specializes in transforming your relationship with food and your body. Go to http://www.bodylovewellness.com/stay-in-touch/ to get her free download — Golda’s Top Ten Tips For Divine Dining!

© Golda Poretsky 2011

Good Health And Good Luck originally appeared on Body Love Wellness on March 28, 2011.