Image of Mae West by Salvador Dali

by Golda Poretsky, H.H.C.
www.bodylovewellness.com

Listen to the podcast of this post here:

I’ve been thinking a lot about body shapes and “figure flaws” this week.  It seemed like a running theme with my clients, then I wrote a post about how having my particular body structure made yoga difficult sometimes, and then Definatalie posted this piece about how wearing only “flattering” things is another form of body shame.

Whew!

In a lot of ways, I have the body shape that “obesity experts” wring their hands over.  I have a thick waist and narrow hips, such that my waist to hip ratio is nearly at 1.  I tend to gain weight around my midsection.  I know, the horror!  Apparently, per the “obesity experts” I should not only lose weight, I should make the fat move to my hips and thighs because it’s “healthier!”

By the way, this unhealthy belly fat thing is all bullshit.

Also, I’ve never heard a viable, scientific way to make your body move fat from one part of your body to another, so why the hell should anyone worry about this?

Also, worrying about your belly fat could increase your cortisol levels, which could make you store more belly fat.  So, if someone (a doctor,  for example) was really worried about your belly fat, he or she shouldn’t admonish you for it, because that admonishment could stress you out and just cause more belly fat and more alleged belly fat-related problems. The horrors continue!

Yeesh.

I used to worry about this crap a lot.  I used to think if I could just have a more hourglass shape, even a fat hourglass shape, things would be better. It’s sort of like a variant of the fantasy of being thin paradigm.  I thought if I were a sexy hourglass instead of an upside-down triangle/apple, then clothes would fit better/guys would like me more/I’d win the lottery/etc. etc.

It wasn’t until I started doing an exercise program called T-Tapp back in 2006 that I learned about different body structures.  I realized then that people built like me, with torsos that are so short that their rib cages nearly touch their hip bones, always have big waists compared to the rest of their bodies. And by the way, I’m not saying that you need an excuse to be whatever size you are.  I’m just saying that realizing that my body shape and structure weren’t weird or bad or whatever helped me get out of the idea that I should be trying to change it.  It made me realize that there is no one right body shape, no body shape that is “better” or “worse.” There is no such thing as “figure flaws.” Rather than striving for a different body, I finally realized that my body was what I’ve got, so I might as well enjoy it.

So my tip for this week is, practice enjoying the body you have.  Let go of comparing your body to others, or worrying about its shape.  Be gentle with yourself as you embrace this concept, and be conscious of the negative voice that will likely come up. (By the way, I’m not saying this easy, just practice it and be open to it for now.)  As always, let me know how it goes in the comment section below.

Want some extra support in feeling good in the body that you have?  Then join me for my latest FREE Teleclass — How To Feel Good In Your Skin!  For details and to register, click here.  Can’t wait to “see” you there!

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Golda Poretsky, H.H.C. is a certified holistic health counselor who specializes in transforming your relationship with food and your body. Go to http://www.bodylovewellness.com/stay-in-touch/ to sign up for her newsletter and get your free download — Golda’s Top Ten Tips For Divine Dining!

Have you picked up Golda’s book yet?  Get your copy of Stop Dieting Now: 25 Reasons To Stop, 25 Ways To Heal today!

© 2010 Golda Poretsky.  All rights reserved.

by Golda Poretsky, H.H.C.
www.bodylovewellness.com

Listen to the podcast of this post here:

I’ve been noticing my own imperfections a lot lately.  Right now, I’m working with a really wonderful business coach, who recently asked me to take a look at the way I spend my time during my workday.

As I started to look at my life in half-hour blocks, I had two reactions. One — it reminded me, in a really negative way, of the way I used to bill my time as a lawyer.  I used to bill in tenths of an hour (6 minute increments), often working on 15-25 matters at a time.  All of that timekeeping and noting every bit of work that I did made it difficult to just relax during my off hours.  I used to be aware of time in a constant and terrible way.

My other reaction was one of self-judgment.  I looked at my day, which was a mixture of  hard work and fun, and judged myself for not being the perfect machine that I thought I was being asked to be.

I’ve spent a lot of time figuring out how to build pleasure into my workday.  I take dance breaks, walking breaks and meeting-friends-for-coffee breaks.  I know from experience that when I don’t take this time for myself throughout the day, I feel grumpy, unhappy, and really unproductive.

When I finally took a break from this self-judgment, I was able to remember all of that.  I remembered that taking time for pleasure during my day actually improves my mood, my productivity, and my interactions with clients. It’s the way that I work best, and it’s perfect for me.

Perfectionism is a really common problem, especially among those of us who have trouble accepting ourselves.  When we can’t accept ourselves, we look to others for approval, and we determined at some point in our lives that being perfect would help us get that approval.

But the problem with perfection is that we can’t really achieve it.  We’re human, and we’re imperfect.  So when we strive for perfection, we just end up with a bunch of guilt and shame about our (very human) imperfection.

As part of my Body Love Breakthrough Session, I always ask prospective clients, “If I could wave a magic wand, how would you like your relationship with food and your body to be?”  The amazing thing is, 99% of the time, I’m not hearing about a desire to be perfect.  Even the clients who tell me initially that they want to eat more perfectly or look perfect, don’t say that when I ask them head on about their desires.  When I ask them what they truly want, they tell me things like, “I want to eat without feeling guilty,” and “I want to look at myself in the mirror and feel attractive.”

In other words, their deepest desires are not about perfection.  Their deepest desires are about peace.  Peace in knowing that they know how to eat and how much to eat.  Peace in knowing that they are attractive.  Peace in feeling worthy enough to make choices that might not seem so perfect to others.

For this week’s tip, be more mindful of any perfectionist tendencies you may have.  Where might more acceptance of who you are provide you with more peace?
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Want to get your own Free Body Love Breakthrough Session?  Just click here: http://www.bodylovewellness.com/bodylovebreakthrough/.

Golda Poretsky, H.H.C. is a certified holistic health counselor who specializes in transforming your relationship with food and your body. Go to http://www.bodylovewellness.com/stay-in-touch/ to sign up for her newsletter and get your free download — Golda’s Top Ten Tips For Divine Dining!

© 2010 Golda Poretsky All rights reserved.

I’m pleased to announce that my book, Stop Dieting Now: 25 Reasons To Stop, 25 Ways To Heal is now available at online retailers in the US, Canada, and the UK!

From an early age, our culture tells us that losing weight and dieting is the key to having it all.  Whether it’s better health, a better body, or a better lover, we all learn that dieting will get us what we want faster than anything else.

Though we all want this to be true, if you’re like most dieters, then you know that dieting does not equal happiness.  Not only that, dieting can result in lots of unintended effects, like weight gain, disordered eating, and low self esteem, just to name a few.

But there is a way out.  In this breakthrough book, I show you why diets don’t work and how you can break free from dieting patterns that are holding you back from happiness.

When you read Stop Dieting Now!, you will come away with breakthrough insights and practical actions that you can take immediately to change your relationship with food and your body.  Here are just a few things that you will learn from this book:

• Why you can’t stick to diets (hint: it’s not about willpower).
• Simple techniques for letting go of food-related guilt and shame.
• Why you always seem to gain back the weight you lose from dieting.
• How old diet rules and habits can negatively interfere with your food choices, long after you stop dieting.
• How to avoid passing on dieting behaviors to your kids.
• The dangers behind “weighting” to be thinner before you make changes in your life.
• Real tools that support you in making peace with your body.
• And so much more . . .

Where to buy:

• Goodreads (If you’re a member, please mark it as to-read!)
• Amazon US
• Amazon Canada
• Amazon UK
• Barnes & Noble
• AbeBooks
• IndieBound

Let me know when you get it!

And stay tuned for info on my upcoming book signing at Re/Dress NYC!

This video gave me chills.

“Pretty” by Katie Makkai.

by Golda Poretsky, H.H.C.
www.bodylovewellness.com

Listen to the podcast of this post here:

The other night, I finally sat down to watch VH1′s Behind The Music about Courtney Love. Watching the Courtney Love interviews felt like visiting with an old friend.  She’s still the same — endearing and maddening at the same time.

At some point late in my sophomore year of high school, I decided on a little side project.  I was on a mission to hear and find out about as many women-fronted rock bands as possible.  This led me to nearly lose my mind over PJ Harvey, Babes In Toyland, The Breeders, Belly, L7, Concrete Blonde, a tape that I magically had of a band called the Slits, and of course, Hole.  I still loved The Smiths, and U2 and the Pixies, and Pearl Jam’s first album, but the women rock stars were the real deal.  They spoke to me in a language that my sad, teenage heart could understand.  They spoke to me because I spoke their language.

In the days before the Internet, before DVR, when VCR timers were still a bit wonky, I would stay up late on Sunday nights, often until 2 AM, watching MTV’s 120 Minutes in the hopes that they would play one of my favorites. I’d read Spin, and maybe NME if I could find it, and I’d buy the Village Voice every Wednesday in the hopes of reading about them.  PJ Harvey was my favorite, her songs were so full of angst and pain and sexual disquiet that she was almost embarrassing to listen to.  The press would show up at her lonely little studio in Dorset, and she’d confess to journalists that she never dated anyone until she was 20.  In those days, she would get on stage wearing all black, her hair pulled back, a tiny person with a huge voice and huger talent.

Courtney Love was different.  She was tall, larger-than-life, fond of arguments, brash, mercurial.  She wore baby doll dresses and tons of red lipstick and played her guitar from between her legs.  Her voice was scratchy, with none of the usual singer niceties, but she screamed a lot, which gave her audiences the license to scream along with her.

And yet for all her brashness and screw-you attitude, the thing that I kept noticing as I watched her on t.v. last week was her face.  Over the years, she’s had a multitude of nose jobs, limp implants, and probably botox and other things.  Courtney’s interview revealed a person who had never been okay with her appearance.  Even in her early 20′s, while playing a pregnant woman in a movie, she was so concerned about looking fat that, every day, she took a little stuffing out of the pillow she was using to look pregnant.

So what, right?  She’s a rockstar who’s in the public eye, lives in Hollywood, etc. etc. etc.  But with Courtney Love, it’s a particular kind of bummer.  She’s written song after song about how much it sucks to be objectified and how much women are just seen for their relative attractiveness and bodies.  She sees all of it, but still internalizes it.  In other words, she writes songs about how much b.s. women in go through in terms of their bodies and body image, but she’s still in a place where she feels the need to drastically alter her face and body.

In essence, she’s in a spot that a lot of you reading this are in the right now.  Perhaps you’ve been reading about HAES and body acceptance and you think, intellectually, that people should accept and love their bodies, but you’re not there yet.  Or, you’re able to get to a place of acceptance and then something — a friend’s comment, something on t.v. — throws you out of it and you’re back where you were, feeling crappy about your body and thinking body acceptance is not for you.

If this is the spot you’re in, I want to hear from you.  Comment below (and make sure to leave your email address) and tell me a little about your struggle with loving your body.  One commenter (chosen at random from commenters who comment by midnight Eastern on July 8th) will receive a FREE 60 Minute Body Love Breakthrough Session with me.

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Golda Poretsky, H.H.C. is a certified holistic health counselor who specializes in transforming your relationship with food and your body. Go to http://www.bodylovewellness.com/stay-in-touch/ to sign up for her newsletter and get your free download — Golda’s Top Ten Tips For Divine Dining!

© 2010 Golda Poretsky All rights reserved.