by Golda Poretsky, H.H.C.
www.bodylovewellness.com

Listen to the podcast here:

So for some reason, I’ve been writing a lot about my “no-poo” hair experiment lately.  And now I’ve gone even deeper into this experiment, as I’ve begun doing something called water-only washing.  In essence, I’ve completely stopped using any thing on my hair other than water, baking soda, eggs, and apple cider vinegar.

Big deal, right?  It’s just hair.  But by making this change, I’ve noticed some other things start to change as well.

Snuggly Bunnies (Image from herwordskill, Flickr Creative Commons)

Mostly, the way I’ve always treated my skin suddenly feels sort of harsh.  Hot showers suddenly feel way to hot.  The Neutrogena foaming face wash that I’ve used for years suddenly seems overly drying.  The Body Shop body washes that I used to love just feel like they have one too many chemicals.   Now that my scalp is being treated differently, the rest of my skin seems to be calling out for something different too.  I’ve been playing around with the most natural soaps I can find, and using natural oils like jojoba and lovely essential oils as well.

I feel like my skin is calling on me to be more gentle with it, and I’m finding that the more I heed the call, the better my skin feels, and the better I feel. It’s like the old Hermetic, mystical saying, of “as above, so below” and “as within, so without.”  The gentler I treat my skin, the more I seem to find gentleness within.

There is such a beauty in gentleness, and I think it’s a quality that we often forget.  Who are we gentle with, other than babies, and maybe ourselves and others when we’re injured or quite ill?  Wouldn’t it be beautiful if we could cultivate more gentleness in our everyday lives?

Imagine being gentle with yourself when you’re late for work.  How might you feel differently or plan differently for next time?  Imagine being gentle with yourself when you overeat at dinner.   What might you learn from that experience, and how might you treat yourself later that night or the next day if you were gentler with yourself?  What if you were gentler with your friends, your kids, your coworkers, your partners?  How might things shift and change in your relationships and within you?

I see a strength in gentleness.  It takes strength to be kind to yourself and others, to listen, to flow with what is rather than resent that what is isn’t what it should be.  Cultivating gentleness, to me, doesn’t mean ignoring other, potentially less gentle emotions.  It just means deciding, when possible, to go a little easier on ourselves and others than we might otherwise.

Does this concept of gentleness appeal to you?  Is there a place in your life that is calling out for more gentleness? Let me know what you try and how it went on my facebook page!

Golda is a certified holistic health counselor and founder of Body Love Wellness, a program designed for plus-sized women who are fed up with dieting and want support to stop obsessing about food and weight. Go to http://www.bodylovewellness.com/free to get your free download — Golda’s Top Ten Tips For Divine Dining!

Finding Strength In Gentleness originally appeared on Body Love Wellness on October 24, 2011.

by Golda Poretsky, H.H.C.
www.bodylovewellness.com

Listen to the podcast here:

I have a confession to make.

In the last few weeks, I’ve only shampooed my hair once (and that was actually kind of an accident).

Some of you are probably thinking, “That’s gross!” Some of you are probably thinking, “I’ve been there.”  And some of you are thinking, “Golda’s gone no-poo!”

Actually, you’re all kind of right.  I’ve decided to try out “no-pooing.”  If you’re curious about this at all, I wrote a kind of extensive post about it here for Persephone Magazine. I decided to do it for a number of reasons, but mostly because it’s supposed to reset your scalp and make it less oily, my hair color will probably last longer, and it’s an environmentally friendly thing to do.

A "No-Poo" Exemplar? (Edgar Degas "Woman Washing", public domain)

I decided to do this on a whim, but not shampooing my hair has actually been weirdly difficult for me.  I’ve been washing my hair every day since junior high, mostly because I was deathly afraid of having greasy hair.  My hair is both oily and fine, so I washed it every day without fail because I thought it looked even finer when it wasn’t washed.

But when I really connect to the emotions behind this, I think it also had to do with the body hatred and the particularly awkward stage I went through in 6th grade.  I was chronically unhappy with my body, and puberty was exacerbating all of that.  I was dieting all the time and struggling to be thin (with very low levels of success), so I thought that at the very least I could have the best hair that I possibly could.  Washing and styling my hair every day was something within my control.   Having perfectly squeaky clean hair was both socially acceptable and a form of body denial.  As Kate Harding and Marianne Kirby noted in Lessons From The Fatosphere, fat is such a charged word because it’s often meant to stand in for a variety of adjectives, including “smelly [and] undisciplined.”  So it was important to me as a fat kid to be able to deny those other ascriptions.

Now more than 20 years later, I’ve let go of so many “have to’s” about my body, the biggest one being the idea that I have to lose weight before I can do, be and have a variety of things.  I don’t see losing weight as a precondition to happiness anymore, which has been hugely transformative.  And yet, I find it interesting when these other “have to’s” come up.  Things like letting go of the “have to” of washing my hair every day has actually deepened my appreciation and approval of my body. I know that if I work through the resistance and let go of the “have to” big things happen.  Sometimes the littlest action yield big results.

So I’d like to challenge you to let go of one of your appearance-related “have to’s.”  This can be really challenging, so I would recommend trying it out for even half a day first.  Just notice how you feel, what feels different, what fears come up.  This can be really magical.  And I’m not suggesting anything I haven’t tried myself.  (And I know that for some of you, these things will not be challenging at all or are just part of your daily life, while for others this will be much more difficult.) Here are a couple of suggestions, just to start you off:

1) Go out wearing no makeup (or a lot less makeup than you usually do).
2) Try a no-poo option for a few days.
3) Go out without wearing a bra or with a much less constructed bra than usual.
4) Go “commando.”
5) Go much longer without shaving your legs or underarms.
6) Stop wearing deodorant.
7) Wear an outfit that is more form fitting than you’re used to.
8) Wear an outfit that is baggier/looser than you’re used to.
9) Wear an outfit that draws attention to a body part that you normally hide.
10)  If you normally straighten you hair, try letting it be curly, or vice versa.

These relatively simple action steps can feel like a huge deal, but they can also yield big reward and be extremely freeing.  Let me know what you try and how it went on my facebook page!

Golda is a certified holistic health counselor and founder of Body Love Wellness, a program designed for plus-sized women who are fed up with dieting and want support to stop obsessing about food and weight. Go to http://www.bodylovewellness.com/free to get your free download — Golda’s Top Ten Tips For Divine Dining!

Adventures In Body Acceptance: Letting Go Of The “Have To’s” originally appeared on Body Love Wellness on October 17, 2011.

by Golda Poretsky, H.H.C.
www.bodylovewellness.com

Listen to the podcast of this post here!

Yum! Capuccino Date. (Image Courtesy Of Flickr)

I’m bringing back one of my favorite posts this week.  Read the magic of dating yourself as a way of upping your self care and amplifying your attraction factor. Enjoy!

Recently, I had the pleasure of going to a lovely dinner with my friend (let’s call her Amanda). The subject turned to the topic of dating. She told me how, about a year ago, she had wanted to meet a guy but wasn’t meeting anyone who piqued her interest, so she decided to start dating herself. In essence, she decided to be her own lover. She would take herself out to restaurants that she had been dying to go to, she would buy herself flowers, write herself love letters, make beautiful dinners for herself, and enjoy sensual time with herself. She so enjoyed dating herself that she ended up attracting a really great relationship in a matter of months. She joked that she was in a polyamorous relationship — her primary relationship was with herself and her secondary relationship was with her boyfriend.

What I loved about Amanda’s story was that she kept dating herself even though she now had a boyfriend because the benefits of dating herself were so great.

So what are some of the benefits of dating yourself?

• Dating yourself allows you to get in touch with what you really want in relationships. It allows you to connect with how you want to be loved, how you want to be touched, how much space you need, etc.
• Dating yourself allows you to see how much you have and how much you are able to fulfill your own desires, without relying on someone else to do it for you. In essence, you realize your completeness.
• Dating yourself allows you to assert boundaries in your relationships in an easy and loving way. Sometimes it’s easier to say, “I need to go on a date with myself” than “I need to be left alone”.
• Dating yourself allows you to spend time enjoying the sensual pleasure of your body, which is so healing in terms of body acceptance (and so wonderful nonetheless)!
• If you are looking for a relationship, dating yourself gives yourself a reminder of how it feels to be dating. And, as you may have found, people often get more attention from potential lovers when they’re already in a relationship. Therefore, dating yourself can actually make you more attractive because you’re already in a relationship.

In the work that I do, I often find that different techniques work for different people when it comes to increasing their sense of self love and well being. If dating yourself sounds like fun to you, I encourage you to do it! In order to support you, answer these questions and start acting on your answers. Your lover is waiting!

• What kinds of communication would you like to get from the person you’re dating? (Consider: sexy text messages, love letters, loving voice mails.)
• Where would you like to go on dates? (Consider: restaurants, movies, museums, parks, boatrides, at home.)
• What kind of gifts would you like to get from a lover? (Consider: flowers, books, clothes, jewelry.)
• What kind of sensual experiences would you like to have with a lover? (Experiment with exploring your body. There are some great books on this topic.)
• What would you like to wear on these dates? (Consider: dressing up, lingerie, perfume, makeup, hair.)
• How do you like to set the mood for myself? (Consider: music, baths, self massage.)

Have fun with this. Do the things that sound pleasurable to you and forget about the things that don’t. And remember, the first rule of the Body Love Club is it’s all research.

Finally, the idea of fulfilling your own desires doesn’t have to be limited to dating yourself. Pick a desire that you feel you need someone else to fulfill, and try to fulfill it yourself, even in a small way. For example, if you’re looking for a new job, perhaps you want to pay yourself for a task that you do, just to get the feeling into your body of being paid for different work.

As always, let me know how it goes!

And… please join me for my FREE TELECLASS THIS WEDNESDAY: The Rules Of FATtraction:  Body Love For Better Dating!  I’ll be sharing even more flirtation tips, ways to change how you feel about your body, and so much more!  To check it out or register, click here: http://www.bodylovewellness.com/2011/07/10/the-rules-of-fattraction-body-love-for-better-dating-new-free-teleclass/

Looking for more support with intuitive eating and getting off diets? Click here to sign up for your FREE Body Love Wellness Consultation.

I’m Dating Myself Again . . . Literally originally appeared on Body Love Wellness on July 18, 2011.

by Golda Poretsky, H.H.C.
www.bodylovewellness.com

Listen to the podcast of this post here:

I’m bringing back and oldie and goodie this week.  Enjoy!

I think many of us walk around with the feeling that we’re not measuring up in terms of having “healthy habits.”  Consciously or not, we think that if we could just work out all day, eat “perfectly” (whatever that might mean for you), meditate consistently, etc., that we would be “in perfect health”, never get sick, be the “perfect” weight and have “perfect” lives.

Does this sound anything like you?  If it does, then you probably also spend a good deal of time wishing you could be more perfect and feeling that you’re not. And that’s no way to live.

When you’ve spent as much time studying holistic health and nutrition as I have, then you encounter a lot of people who probably live as close to the ideal as possible.  And let me tell you, they still get sick.    They still get obsessive about food and health and exercise and meditation.  They still have problems at work and get mad at their kids.

In other words, perfection ain’t so great.

One of my client’s is a novel writer with a day job as an administrative assistant.  At least two nights a week, she finds herself staying up until two or three in the morning, working on her novel.  She told me that she really wanted to change this habit, because she had read about how staying up late can throw off your cortisol levels and mess with blood sugar.  She told me that after she stays up late to work on her novel, she still feels fine the next morning at work, often feeling more energized because she feels good for having worked on her book the night before.  Yet, she was adamant about going to bed earlier.  I worked with her on some relaxation techniques so that she could try going to bed at 11PM, even on those nights where she felt compelled to work on her novel.

At our next session, I asked her how her going to bed early had worked for her.

“Golda, it was terrible,” she told me.  “Most of the time, I would stay in bed thinking about my novel until 2 or 3 in the morning, but not working on it.  Once I was able to fall asleep at 11pm or so, but I still felt off the next day.  I tried to write earlier in the day but it just wouldn’t flow.  I haven’t made any progress on my book.”  She paused and took a deep breath.  “I think I’m just going to do my usual thing from now.  I feel better that way anyway.”

That’s the thing about trying to be perfectly healthy.  Sure, staying up too late all the time can mess with cortisol, but not staying up when she was dying to write was messing with her soul.

Health isn’t about being “perfect” with food or exercise or herbs.  Health is about balancing those things with your desires.  It’s about nourishing your spirit as well as your body.

If you want to change health-related habits, that’s fine, but do so without judgment.  Let yourself balance your desire to be more healthful with your other desires and goals in life.  Remember your real goal — it’s not perfection, it’s happiness.

Golda Poretsky, H.H.C. is a certified holistic health counselor who specializes in transforming your relationship with food and your body. Go to http://www.bodylovewellness.com/stay-in-touch/ to sign up for her newsletter and get your free download — Golda’s Top Ten Tips For Divine Dining!

Your Imperfect Health! originally appeared on Body Love Wellness on May 23, 2011.

by Golda Poretsky, HHC
http://www.bodylovewellness.com

Listen to the podcast here:

I had a really awesome day yesterday.  I had brunch with a friend, then was interviewed for a really cool blog (more on that to come) and then I returned 3 of the 4 things I had ordered from Macy’s and got a dress that I actually liked.

I probably spend as much time returning as I do shopping.  And that’s because I won’t settle for clothes that are just okay.  I’d rather have a nearly bare closet with a few clothes that I really love than a closet filled with stuff that’s okay or acceptable.

Acceptable, when it comes to clothes, is just not good enough.

I used to just buy stuff that fit and was appropriate for whatever I was doing.  When I was a student, I pretty much wore jeans and black tops all the time.  For work I’d just wear pants and sweater sets.  I just wanted to be appropriate, to blend in, to not stand out.

I never really thought about wearing clothes that made me feel really good, and I had a limited notion of what I could wear. Then, in 2006, I just decided to try dresses.  Maybe it was because I saw someone with my shape do it on What Not To Wear, or maybe I just got sick of my “work uniform” as I called it.  But I started to experiment with dresses, and I found that I actually liked wearing them.  I had worried that I would either look too frumpy or too sexy, I worried about not being appropriate, I worried that my legs were the wrong shape, that I didn’t have enough hips to pull it off, etc. etc.

But in the end, I liked wearing dresses.  I liked that if I went out after work that I liked what I was wearing.  I felt sexier, I felt more attractive, and I started to like my body more.

I think it’s a mistake to divorce body image from clothing. It’s true that the more you like your body, the more you’re going to like more kinds of clothes on your body, but it works the other way around too.  The more you like your clothes, the more excited you are to step out your door in the morning, and the more you’re going to enjoy having the body that you have right now.

If you’re waiting to lose X number of pounds before you buy clothes, stop waiting. If you’re waiting to love your body more before you buy new clothes, stop waiting.

Even if you have only a small budget or no budget for clothes, you can start to change your wardrobe and get pieces that you like.  Here are my top 8 suggestions for creating a wardrobe you love!

1) Go Through Your Closet – Pull out everything that doesn’t fit, doesn’t look good, doesn’t turn you on.  Make 3 piles — (1) things that are falling apart, (2) clothes that are still in good shape but probably don’t have much resale value, (3) anything that still has tags, was only worn once, or was more expensive to start with.  Throw out pile #1, donate pile #2, and as for pile #3…

2) Sell Stuff With Resale Value – If you have a consignment shop like Re/Dress NYC near you, you’re golden.  Go there and get your store credit!  If not, you’d be surprised at what sells well on Ebay.  Start the bidding low and see what happens.  Even if you sell something for $20 that you bought for $80, that $20 will do you more good than having that item taking up real estate in your closet.

3) Have, Go To, Or Create A Clothing Swap — If you have similarly sized friends, have a clothing swap party.  Bring pile #3, get down to your skivvies and try on each other’s clothes.  This is a fun and free way to get new clothes and have the satisfaction of seeing your clothes go to someone who will love them!

4) Return Stuff You’re Not In Love With – If it still has tags and you still have the receipt, certain stores will take that stuff back even a year later.  Most stores will give you store credit for items with tags even if you don’t have the receipt.  (And again, even if it’s less than what you paid for it, you’re still getting credit that you can use for new stuff!)

5) Buy Off Season – I’ve bought winter coats in August and and sandals in November.  I just bought a spring/summer dress on clearance at the Avenue for about $10, and I’m already wearing it with sweaters.  It’s true that you don”t always get the satisfaction of wearing these things right away, but if you love them when you buy them you will likely love them later.

6) Coupons Are Your Friend — I may be preaching to the choir here, but before you order anything online, always google the store and “coupon code” or “promo code.”  Free shipping, percentages off… it’s all there to be googled!

7) If You Don’t Like Shopping, Shop With A Body Positive Friend – Shopping is so much more fun when you have a friend who is supportive and loves to shop.  If you have one of these friends, don’t be afraid to ask him/her for advice and bring him/her with you!

8) You Need A Shopping Mantra — You must use a body positive mantra when you shop.  Here are some of my favorites:

When Nothing Is Fitting Correctly:  “It’s not me, it’s the clothes!”
When You’re Feeling Disapproving Of Your Body:  “I have a gorgeous, fabulous body!”
When You’re Shopping For A Particular Event:  “I always find the most perfect outfit no matter what the occasion.”

If you try these tips, you will start feeling better about your body.  So let me know what you tried, or share some of your favorite tips in the comments!

If you’re in NYC for the 2011 Fat Girl Flea Market, don’t forget to stop by Golda’s table to get a signed copy of her book, Stop Dieting Now, and other goodies!

Golda Poretsky, H.H.C. is a certified holistic health counselor who specializes in transforming your relationship with food and your body. Go to http://www.bodylovewellness.com/stay-in-touch/ to sign up for her newsletter and get your free download — Golda’s Top Ten Tips For Divine Dining!

© Golda Poretsky 2011

How To Buy Clothes For A Better Body Image! originally appeared on Body Love Wellness on February 28, 2011.

Golda Poretsky, HHC
http://www.bodylovewellness.com

Listen to the podcast here:

This has been one of the most bizarre election seasons in U.S. history.  With a senatorial candidate threatening that people will “use their Second Amendment remedies” if Congress doesn’t change, a variety of candidates advocating the repeal of a number of constitutional amendments, a head-stomping at a political rally where the person committing the assault wants an apology, and on and on and on, it seems like reason, and any hope for a functioning political process, may be out the window.

And I know that things look really dire.  And I know that there are no simple answers.  But in this time of political and social turmoil, I think we need to remember the importance of asking for what we want.

It’s true that the personal is political, but the political is also personal.  Just like you need to ask your political representatives for what you want (by voting, peacefully protesting, emails, calls, etc.) you also need to ask those around you for what you want.  If you never ask, you never know what could have been.

If the folks who put together the Kiss-In‘s in NYC, Philly, and San Francisco never asked anyone to show up and take a stand against fat hatred and bigotry, then those amazing events never would have happened.  In the same way, if you never ask for a raise from your boss, or a hug from your best friend, or for your boyfriend to do the dishes,  than those things are probably not going to happen.

None of us were meant to be completely self-sufficient.  When we ask for help and ask for what we need, we get to feel cared for, supported and part of something bigger than ourselves.  Even if the answer we get is “no,” at least we’ve had a conversation.  At least we asked.

So, I’m writing this to remind you that it’s important to ask for you what you want.  And if you’re registered to vote in the U.S., please remember to vote tomorrow (Tuesday, November 2nd)!

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Struggling with food and body image issues? Looking to transform your relationship with food and your body? Then sign up for your free Body Love Breakthrough Session by clicking here.

Golda Poretsky, H.H.C. is a certified holistic health counselor who specializes in transforming your relationship with food and your body. Go to http://www.bodylovewellness.com/stay-in-touch/ to sign up for her newsletter and get your free download — Golda’s Top Ten Tips For Divine Dining!

© Golda Poretsky 2010

You Have To Ask originally appeared on Body Love Wellness on November 1, 2010.

by Golda Poretsky, H.H.C.
www.bodylovewellness.com

Listen to the podcast of this post here:

To give you a little taste of Stop Dieting Now: 25 Reasons To Stop, 25 Ways To Heal, I’ve excerpted Reason #5: Diet Foods Are Full Of Chemicals & Tip #5: The Real Nutrition Facts for your viewing pleasure!

Reason #5: Diet Foods Are Full Of Chemicals

Many diets support the use of non-nutritional, highly chemicalized foods like fake fats and fake sugars. These chemicalized foods negatively affect body chemistry, cause low-level under-nourishment, and often encourage overeating when the dieter gets the signal that s/he is not getting nourishment.

As an example, back when I was counting points on Weight Watchers, I developed a horrific gastrointestinal problem the likes of which I had never experienced before. I was spending the day in pain, experiencing incredible bloating and ending up in the bathroom for hours. I was frightened of what might be happening to my body, so I made an appointment with a highly recommended internist. The earliest appointment I could get was a week away.

At some point during that week, I had an inkling that I should stop eating the delicious low-fat cheese product I had been eating regularly due to its low Weight Watchers Point status. I stopped eating the cheese (I was only having a few bites of it a day) and within three days my stomach felt normal again. I had similar experiences with diet foods—a popular ice cream bar and a diet brand name pretzel snack both caused rashes that, once I figured out the cause, disappeared within a few days. I’ve seen this pattern over and over again with my clients too.

Our bodies are not really designed to eat food made up mainly of chemicals. When we are able to connect with the wisdom of our bodies, we know what our bodies really crave—whole foods full of nutrients, vitamins and minerals (with the occasional piece of cake, of course!) Diet programs diminish our ability to make appropriate, real food choices.

Tip #5:  The Real Nutrition Facts

Think back to some of your recent diets. Were there any processed, chemicalized foods that you ate because they were “on your diet plan?” If you have any around, take a look at the ingredients list (not the calories/fats/carbs facts) and see if there is any real food in your diet food! Think about whether you would have eaten these foods if you weren’t on a diet. And, if you’re having gastrointestinal, skin or allergy issues that seemed to come from nowhere, try going off any highly processed diet foods for a few days and see if you notice a difference.

Want to get your copy of Stop Dieting Now: 25 Reasons To Stop, 25 Ways to Heal? Then just click here!

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Golda Poretsky, H.H.C. is a certified holistic health counselor who specializes in transforming your relationship with food and your body. Go to http://www.bodylovewellness.com/stay-in-touch/ to sign up for her newsletter and get your free download — Golda’s Top Ten Tips For Divine Dining!

© 2010 Golda Poretsky All rights reserved.

Don’t Go Into The “Lite!” originally appeared on Body Love Wellness on July 12, 2010.

by Golda Poretsky, H.H.C.
www.bodylovewellness.com

Listen to the podcast of this post here:

I think many of us walk around with the feeling that we’re not measuring up in terms of having “healthy habits.”  Consciously or not, we think that if we could just work out all day, eat “perfectly” (whatever that might mean for you), meditate consistently, etc., that we would be “in perfect health”, never get sick, be the “perfect” weight and have “perfect” lives.

Does this sound anything like you?  If it does, then you probably also spend a good deal of time wishing you could be more perfect and feeling that you’re not.

And that’s no way to live.

When you’ve spent as much time studying holistic health and nutrition as I have, then you encounter a lot of people who probably live as close to the ideal as possible.  And let me tell you, they still get sick.    They still get obsessive about food and health and exercise and meditation.  They still have problems at work and get mad at their kids.

In other words, perfection ain’t so great.

One of my client’s is a novel writer with a day job as an administrative assistant.  At least two nights a week, she finds herself staying up until two or three in the morning, working on her novel.  She told me that she really wanted to change this habit, because she had read about how staying up late can throw off your cortisol levels and mess with blood sugar.  She told me that after she stays up late to work on her novel, she still feels fine the next morning at work, often feeling more energized because she feels good for having worked on her book the night before.  Yet, she was adamant about going to bed earlier.  I worked with her on some relaxation techniques so that she could try going to bed at 11PM, even on those nights where she felt compelled to work on her novel.

At our next session, I asked her how her going to bed early had worked for her.

“Golda, it was terrible,” she told me.  “Most of the time, I would stay in bed thinking about my novel until 2 or 3 in the morning, but not working on it.  Once I was able to fall asleep at 11pm or so, but I still felt off the next day.  I tried to write earlier in the day but it just wouldn’t flow.  I haven’t made any progress on my book.”  She paused and took a deep breath.  “I think I’m just going to do my usual thing from now.  I feel better that way anyway.”

That’s the thing about trying to be perfectly healthy.  Sure, staying up too late all the time can mess with cortisol, but not staying up when she was dying to write was messing with her soul.

Health isn’t about being “perfect” with food or exercise or herbs.  Health is about balancing those things with your desires.  It’s about nourishing your spirit as well as your body.

If you want to change health-related habits, that’s fine, but do so without judgment.  Let yourself balance your desire to be more healthful with your other desires and goals in life.  Remember your real goal — it’s not perfection, it’s happiness.

Golda Poretsky, H.H.C. is a certified holistic health counselor who specializes in transforming your relationship with food and your body. Go to http://www.bodylovewellness.com/stay-in-touch/ to sign up for her newsletter and get your free download — Golda’s Top Ten Tips For Divine Dining!

Also, be sure to register for her FREE 90-Minute Teleclass — How To Heal From Emotional Eating.  Click here for more info and to register.

Your Imperfect Health! originally appeared on Body Love Wellness on May 17, 2010.

by Golda Poretsky, H.H.C.
www.bodylovewellness.com

Listen to the podcast of this post here!

Having a great relationship with yourself is easier than you think! So this week, I’m bringing back one of my favorite posts on this topic. Enjoy!

Last week, I had the pleasure of going to a lovely dinner with my friend (let’s call her Amanda). The subject turned to the topic of dating. She told me how, about a year ago, she had wanted to meet a guy but wasn’t meeting anyone who piqued her interest, so she decided to start dating herself. In essence, she decided to be her own lover. She would take herself out to restaurants that she had been dying to go to, she would buy herself flowers, write herself love letters, make beautiful dinners for herself, and enjoy sensual time with herself. She so enjoyed dating herself that she ended up attracting a really great relationship in a matter of months. She joked that she was in a polyamorous relationship — her primary relationship was with herself and her secondary relationship was with her boyfriend.

What I loved about Amanda’s story was that she kept dating herself even though she now had a boyfriend because the benefits of dating herself were so great. So what are some of the benefits of dating yourself?

• Dating yourself allows you to get in touch with what you really want in relationships. It allows you to connect with how you want to be loved, how you want to be touched, how much space you need, etc.
• Dating yourself allows you to see how much you have and how much you are able to fulfill your own desires, without relying on someone else to do it for you. In essence, you realize your completeness.
• Dating yourself allows you to assert boundaries in your relationships in an easy and loving way. Sometimes it’s easier to say, “I need to go on a date with myself” than “I need to be left alone”.
• Dating yourself allows you to spend time enjoying the sensual pleasure of your body, which is so healing in terms of body acceptance (and so wonderful nonetheless)!
• If you are looking for a relationship, dating yourself gives yourself a reminder of how it feels to be dating. And, as you may have found, people often get more attention from potential lovers when they’re already in a relationship. Therefore, dating yourself can actually make you more attractive because you’re already in a relationship.

In the work that I do, I often find that different techniques work for different people when it comes to increasing their sense of self love and well being. If dating yourself sounds like fun to you, I encourage you to do it! In order to support you, answer these questions and start acting on your answers. Your lover is waiting!

• What kinds of communication would you like to get from the person you’re dating? (Consider: sexy text messages, love letters, loving voice mails.)
• Where would you like to go on dates? (Consider: restaurants, movies, museums, parks, boatrides, at home.)
• What kind of gifts would you like to get from a lover? (Consider: flowers, books, clothes, jewelry.)
• What kind of sensual experiences would you like to have with a lover? (Experiment with exploring your body. There are some great books on this topic.)
• What would you like to wear on these dates? (Consider: dressing up, lingerie, perfume, makeup, hair.)
• How do you like to set the mood for myself? (Consider: music, baths, self massage.)

Have fun with this. Do the things that sound pleasurable to you and forget about the things that don’t. And remember, the first rule of the Body Love Club is it’s all research.

Finally, the idea of fulfilling your own desires doesn’t have to be limited to dating yourself. Pick a desire that you feel you need someone else to fulfill, and try to fulfill it yourself, even in a small way. For example, if you’re looking for a new job, perhaps you want to pay yourself for a task that you do, just to get the feeling into your body of being paid for different work.

As always, let me know how it goes!

Want more support in having a great relationship with yourself and others?  Then come to my next Re/Dress NYC workshop: Attracting Love By Loving Your Body, Wednesday, April 7th! I would love to see you there!

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Golda Poretsky, H.H.C. is a certified holistic health counselor who specializes in transforming your relationship with food and your body. Go to http://www.bodylovewellness.com/stay-in-touch/ to sign up for her newsletter and get your free download — Golda’s Top Ten Tips For Divine Dining.

Looking for more support with intuitive eating and getting off diets? Click here to sign up for your FREE Body Love Wellness Consultation.

Have A Better Relationship — With Yourself! originally appeared on Body Love Wellness on April 5, 2010.

by Golda Poretsky, H.H.C.
www.bodylovewellness.com

Listen to the podcast of this post here:

Most of us want to change something about ourselves.  We want to eat more healthfully, get more exercise, procrastinate less, make love more, feel less stressed, feel more confident, etc., etc., etc.  Really, I could go on and on!

Of course, some of these issues are easier to change than others.  You might find a few forms of exercise that you really love, find ways to work it into your schedule, have it become a routine and voila! your “exercise issues” are solved.

But there will always be those issues that are harder to change.  And some may never change at all.  But the worst thing you can do is hate yourself for it.

Why is hating yourself or your ailments or issues so destructive?  Because hate prevents change.  Hate prevents healing.

Somewhere along the line, most of us learned that things were wrong with us, and, as a result, we should strive to overcome those things by denigrating them.

In other words, if you grew up fat, you were supposed to hate your fat, hate yourself for being fat, and forever apologize for your existence until you were able to get to some socially acceptable level of thinness.  Even if you had a little “extra fat”, like thighs that were a little larger than your friends’ thighs, you were supposed to go around thinking or saying “I hate my thighs.”  If you weren’t considered very bright, you were supposed to affirm that you were stupid.  If you had certain health conditions, you may have felt like you had to conceal them.

And all of this hate didn’t change anything.  It may have led to poor choices, or loads of shame, but it could only reinforce the perceived “problem”.

Hate cannot create change because hate stops the conversation.  Hate demonizes what is, so that what is cannot become a source of information.  When you allow yourself to feel love for yourself and your problems, you allow yourself to see your problems for what they are.  You allow yourself to see how you might start to create change.

Energetically, hate cannot create change because it blocks the flow of energy, and the movement of energy is needed to allow for change.

So how do we transmute the energy of hatred?  By using the energy of love.

For this week’s tip, I’m going to show you how the energy of love allows a flow of energy and allows change to happen within you.

Try this with me now (you may want to read it first and then try it).  Take a deep breath, and close your eyes.  Picture, imagine, or feel the flow of love in your body.  Do you feel the way it moves through you, into you and out of you?  Can you feel its energy, and that feeling of possibility that it holds?

Now feel the energy of hatred.  Does it feel heavy? Solid?  Miserable? Burning? Cold?

Now, with your eyes open, did you notice anything about that hateful feeling?  Did it feel like the way you feel about the areas of your life that feel stuck or difficult?

So this week, I want you to try this exercise.  Whenever you feel confronted with one of your issues or problems, take a deep breath, and see if you can picture, imagine or feel the issue or problem in your body, or visualize it outside of you.  Then, allow that feeling of love that we just experimented with to spread through you, enveloping you completely, moving through your veins, arteries, organs, bones.  Then extend that feeling to the issue or problem and see how it transmutes it.  You may get a flash of an action you can take, or you may feel as though the issue is subsiding.  Notice what you see and what you feel.  And as always, I welcome you to share your experiences in the comments.

Stay tuned for next week’s blog post on more easy steps for creating change!

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Golda Poretsky, H.H.C. is a certified holistic health counselor who specializes in transforming your relationship with food and your body.  Go to http://www.bodylovewellness.com/stay-in-touch/ to sign up for her newsletter and get your free download — Golda’s Top Ten Tips For Divine Dining.

Looking for more support with intuitive eating and getting off diets?  Click here to sign up for your FREE Body Love Wellness Consultation.

Love the visualization we just did?  Then try out some of Golda’s other visualizations by clicking here.

Hating Yourself NEVER Works originally appeared on Body Love Wellness on February 1, 2010.