by Golda Poretsky, H.H.C.
www.bodylovewellness.com

Listen to the podcast of this post here:

It feels inevitable. December is all about holidays and parties and joy and togetherness. There are bright lights and gifts and delicious food and hundreds of tubas playing carols. At least, that’s the hope. It’s a time of year when we try, as best we can, to connect with our abundance and our joy.

Cupid Is Taking Back January From Father Time (it's one interpretation) (image courtesy of graphicsfairy)

Then, suddenly, January 2nd rolls around, and we’re asked to drop all of that merriment and get real. We’re supposed to take note of our flaws and resolve to be better — to eat better, to exercise more, to party less, to stop having such a darn good time and get down to work, usually on ourselves.

I just hate it. I hate this pattern that we’re told to recreate every year. I hate this pattern of flagellating ourselves for our fun, or joy, our willingness to let go of some rules and just have fun. I’m tired of the pendulum swing, the “or” and not the “and.”

So here’s what I propose. Let’s (quite literally) have our cake and eat it too. Let’s savor the cake and the kale. Let’s get more exercise by dancing more with friends. Let’s love our bodies because they’re ours, because they’re a gift, and not have our self approval depend on how well they meet some totally arbitrary societal standard.

I’m dead serious about this. So if you’re ready to join me in taking back January, check out my 2011-2012 Transition & Manifestation Book (today’s the last day that you can download it for free) and join me for the 2nd Annual Body Love Revolutionaries Telesummit, where I’ll be interviewing 20 outrageously fabulous people at the forefront of Health At Every Size® and body acceptance. Together, we can make this January way more fun and fulfilling.

Golda is a certified holistic health counselor and founder of Body Love Wellness, a program designed for plus-sized women who are fed up with dieting and want support to stop obsessing about food and weight. Go to http://www.bodylovewellness.com/free to get your free download — Golda’s Top Ten Tips For Divine Dining!

My New Year’s Resolution — Take Back January! originally appeared on Body Love Wellness on January 2, 2012.

by Golda Poretsky, H.H.C.
www.bodylovewellness.com

Listen to the podcast of this post here:

Do not adjust your monitors. The image below is not some work of photoshop magic. It is merely a scan of photos that are now irreparably stuck together because they were left on a radiator.

Totally ruined vacation pics

Why would anyone leave perfectly good pictures of a vacation to a tropical paradise atop a hot radiator? That is an excellent question. Well, that picture at the top of the stack was the only picture of myself in the whole stack, and, at the time, I hated it. I couldn’t stand how I looked. Back in 2005, before I had heard of fat acceptance, this picture confirmed for me how fat I was (and yes, I’m definitely fatter now). To my mind at the time, fat equaled bad. Consequently, I never put the photos into an album, and “unintentionally” left them on a radiator, where they melded together. I had taken them with a disposable camera (my digital camera died in the middle of my trip), have no idea where the negatives are, and consequently lost all photographic evidence of this trip, save for this melted pile.

As a result of this picture and pressure from people in my life who were doing Weight Watchers, I embarked on my last diet.  To make a long story short, I lost a bunch of weight, started gaining it back (like everyone else), found HAES(R) and fat acceptance and eventually gained it all back, plus more.

For the first time since that trip, I’m going on vacation to a tropical local (with my fabulous friend Anne).  In the past, I would have avoided any pictures of myself.  The fact that I only had one picture of myself from a 5-day trip speaks volumes about my nearly lifelong avoidance of pictures.  I never felt good looking at pictures — they weren’t reminders of lovely trips and time with friends, they were reminders that I never looked as good or “acceptable” as I thought I did.  They just made me depressed.

Even as I got deeper into body acceptance, pictures were still hard for me.  I could wrap my head around the idea that fat didn’t equal bad, but I always seemed to have more fat than I thought.  I always had a bigger double chin, a bigger belly, etc. than I thought.

In the last few years, I’ve done some great experimenting with photography.  I think it all started when I took Lesleigh J. Owen‘s class at the NAAFA Convention, where she encouraged us to take “bad” pictures of ourselves.  Being encouraged to do that was really liberating.  I also started to seek out more images of fat people in general, whether they were artfully done like Adipositivity or just regular pictures of regular folks.  I realized that I needed to change my perception of what was “normal” or “good” when it came to pictures.  I didn’t want looking skinnier than usual to be my only criterion for a good picture.

So, I’m hoping to do this vacation a little differently, and end up with some beautiful pictures, including ones of me.

Do any of you have this picture phobia?  I hope you’ll share in the comments below.

Golda is a certified holistic health counselor and founder of Body Love Wellness, a program designed for plus-sized women who are fed up with dieting and want support to stop obsessing about food and weight. Go to http://www.bodylovewellness.com/free to get your free download — Golda’s Top Ten Tips For Divine Dining!

The Dreaded Curse Of “Bad” Photos originally appeared on Body Love Wellness on December 12, 2011.

by Golda Poretsky, H.H.C.
www.bodylovewellness.com

Listen to the podcast here:

(Note from Golda: This post first appeared on the lovely blog, Roots of She. I realize it’s a little different than what I write for this blog, but I hope you dig it!)

"Abundantia," by Peter Paul Rubens (courtesy of wikipedia)

Nearly every woman I know has a screwed up relationship with food.  I think the way to heal this is not more of the same, it’s eating like a goddess.

Right now, we’re living in a cultural moment that tells us that the masculine paradigm is better than the feminine.*  This paradigm honors logic over intuition, outer rules over internal guidance, avoidance of pain rather than attraction to pleasure, and fear of scarcity over acknowledgement of abundance.  And this lack of balance between the masculine and feminine shows up again and again in the way we eat.

But our goddess selves know that none of that feels right.  Your goddess self doesn’t believe in diets, or rules, or calories or Weight Watchers’ points.  Your goddess self knows that food is a blessing, that slowing down a bit feels good, that your body knows what food you need and what you don’t.  Your goddess self knows that your body is beautiful, and doesn’t understand why you would control your food as a way to control the size and shape of your body.

In order to heal the way that we relate to food, we have to return to our wilder selves.  We have to let go of the rules, and delve into our true desires.

For many of you, this concept may be just at the edge of your comfort zone.  You’ve been taught to create meal plans, follow rigid rules, count calories, count fat, weigh and measure your food, etc. etc., so when I say to you that all of that should be tossed out the window, it may feel really scary.  Perhaps you even tried to throw it all out the window and things got kind of weird.  Perhaps you found yourself bingeing, and it freaked you out so much that after a while, you looked for your next diet.  You saw that out of control behavior as proof that you need rules and strictures and meal plans and counting.

But you had it all wrong.  Because you were eating at that time as a reaction to diets, and not as acknowledgement of your goddess self.  And the way to do that is to connect with your true abundance.

You see, you’ve got to get past the reaction of “I can eat whatever I want!  Screw you Jenny Craig!  I’m going to eat everything in sight!”  Because when you eat from that place, you’re not eating from a place of abundance, you’re just reacting to the rules and strictures of the masculine paradigm.  And while it may feel good to do that for a while, it can start feeling bad pretty quickly.  It can start feeling really out of control and just as unaligned with your true desires as a diet plan.  So the next move is to truly connect with your abundance, intuition and pleasure.

So here are 3 powerful tips for healing your relationship with food by eating like a goddess:

1) Connect With Your Abundance — Imagine for a moment that you can eat whatever you want whenever you’re hungry.  Imagine that you have a fridge and a pantry full of food that you really love, and that when your body says it’s hungry, you have your pick of really delectable offerings.  And here’s the key, it’s all going to be there tomorrow, and the next day, and the next day.  Whenever you’re hungry, you may eat.  You don’t have to worry about getting enough, because there is always enough.  Diets and restrictions don’t exist in your world.  You can trust that your bodily hunger will always be respected. You don’t have to worry about over-eating either, because there’s no reason to overeat.  Why have more cake tonight, and stuff yourself, when there will be plenty of cake tomorrow?

2) Connect With Your Intuition — Your intuition is a powerful tool that connects you to your body, your wisdom, and a greater knowing.  If you want to start eating more intuitively, then you need to build your intuitive skills.  The way to start building your intuition is by trusting it, even if you think it might be wrong.  You start by paying attention.  If your inner wisdom tells you to take a different route to work, you listen to it, even if it doesn’t make logical sense.  If your inner wisdom says, “I’m hungry, let’s have seconds!” you have seconds, even if you don’t have any weight watchers points left for that day.  If your inner wisdom tells you to say yes to going out for drinks even when you feel like going home and watching TV, go with your inner wisdom.  It’s important to rebuild this trust in your intuition in order to heal your relationship with food.

3) Connect With Your Desire — People often conflate hunger for things other than food with our hunger for food.  Hunger could be for anything from a new job to a new lover to better boundaries with a friend.  But if you don’t take the time to identify your desires, you’re more likely to turn to food to try to satisfy them.  So I’m going to ask you to start listing your desires, and keep adding to that list.  No desire is too big or too small.  Whether you desire a free iced coffee or to own a villa on the Italian coast, add it to your list.  Be specific.  Be bold.  There is no desire too big for a goddess.  Challenge yourself to think bigger than you ever had in your life.  And if you notice a few days from now that a desire has come true, check it off and write “Thank you, goddess!” next to it.  Just remember that these are not goals, they’re desires.  They’re meant to be enjoyed.

*I realize that the terms “masculine” and “feminine” may be problematic.  I’m using these terms to describe a duality of guiding principles for how people look at the world.  In no way do I mean that all men are one way and all women another, or that they should be one way or another.  It has nothing to do with anyone’s gender or identity.  It’s more to do with how an overabundance of one paradigm and a negating of the other is damaging to all of us.

Golda is a certified holistic health counselor and founder of Body Love Wellness, a program designed for plus-sized women who are fed up with dieting and want support to stop obsessing about food and weight. Go to http://www.bodylovewellness.com/free to get your free download — Golda’s Top Ten Tips For Divine Dining!

Eating Like A Goddess originally appeared on Body Love Wellness on November 21, 2011.

by Golda Poretsky, H.H.C.
www.bodylovewellness.com

Listen to the podcast here:

When it comes to being stared at, I consider myself lucky.  I don’t find people staring at me very much.  Maybe it’s because I’ve retained a bit of what my college friends called “The Golda Walk” where you basically walk around NYC looking like a badass when you’re really just a total nerd who happens to have broad shoulders.

But anyway, back to staring.  I’m not used to it.  So it was particularly weird when, one brisk October morning last week, I met up with a fellow coach at a cafe in Williamsburg, Brooklyn, and proceeded to get stared at by nearly everyone who came in or out of there.

Bela Lugosi STARING In Dracula (image courtesy of wikipedia)

Granted, it was Williamsburg, hipster hub of $300 skinny jeans designed to look like you got them from a thrift store.  And granted, I may have been the fattest person to ever show up at that cafe (I didn’t see one woman larger than a size 6 US in the 90 minutes that I was there).  But after a trip to the bathroom I was able to confirm that I didn’t have cappuccino foam on my nose or a horn inadvertently growing out of my head, so what, exactly, was the deal?

The only thing I can figure was that my mere presence as a fat woman in that particular cafe, for the half-asleep folks on their way to work, seemed like a blip in the matrix.  And Laurence Fishburne was not there to explain to them what was going on.

Unfortunately, this stuff doesn’t only affect fat people.  I think being stared at is something that nearly everyone who has an appearance that is at all non-normative experiences from time to time.  So I’d like to share a few tips for how to deal with being stared at.

How To Deal With Stares:

1) Assume That People Are Staring At You Due To Your Awesomeness. This is really the best way to deal with stares. When you assume that people are looking at you because you’re a hot fatty who looks awesome, you just don’t care. You almost expect stares to result from your blinding awesomeness.

It doesn’t do you any good to believe anything else. In truth, I think that about 70% of the stares I get are due to malevolent feelings about my fat, 20% are from people who think I look cool or have a good vibe and want to know my secret, and 10% just want to get with me. But when I’m out and about, I just assume that everyone is in the latter two categories. In reality, they may all hate my fat ass — but I DON’T KNOW. I have no idea what they’re thinking when they stare at me. So the choice is up to me, do I assume they think I’m awesome and/or hot, or assume that they hate me for my fat? If I want to be at all happy in my life, I must choose something positive when the truth is that I don’t know.

2) Wink. If you want to get really cheeky about things, just wink at people who are staring at you. It takes the pressure off and makes them uncomfortable.

3) Have A Chat. This is something I rarely do, but I tend to lean toward the non-confrontational side of things. But if you feel comfortable, there’s nothing wrong with saying, “I noticed you staring at me. Why is that?” You may actually get into an interesting conversation. Heck, the starer may indeed think you’re awesome and/or want to get with you. And if they’re really rude, please refer to the snappy comebacks section of Fat!So?

Have you ever been stared at?  How did you handle it?  Please share your thoughts below or at our facebook page.

Golda is a certified holistic health counselor and founder of Body Love Wellness, a program designed for plus-sized women who are fed up with dieting and want support to stop obsessing about food and weight. Go to http://www.bodylovewellness.com/free to get your free download — Golda’s Top Ten Tips For Divine Dining!

Big Fat STARES And How To Deal With Them originally appeared on Body Love Wellness on October 10, 2011.

After Beth Ditto is done holding her boobs, she's totally going to lift weights.

Golda Poretsky, HHC
http://www.bodylovewellness.com

Listen to the podcast here:

(This is an oldie but goodie, but it’s really a goodie!  I’ll be back next week with an all new post!)

Until really recently, I had had a strict “no joining gyms” policy.  This policy was based upon good solid reason and logic — in the past, I would join a gym, go religiously for a few months, get sick and not go for about a week, and then never go back again.  Ever.  Plus, I wouldn’t even work out at home because it would remind me of how guilty I felt about not getting to the gym.

I know, it’s crazy.  But I know from friends and clients that I’m not the only one who does this.

Once I learned about Health At Every Size and took the pressure off myself about losing weight, not joining a gym was really great for me.  I would take long walks, do aerobics or yoga DVD’s, and I would do it pretty regularly.

But lately, I started feeling the pull to join my local Y.  They have a pool, daily water aerobics, really new weight and cardio machines, and a generally pleasant, laid back vibe.  I took a tour with my friend Girthful Girl and we both loved it. And since joining, I’ve been going about five times a week, mostly to do water aerobics but also to use the elliptical.  I absolutely love it, and I feel really good.

So how did I get to this peaceful, happy place with working out and exercising?

Well, there are methods to my madness.  So if you’re feeling kind of stuck when it comes to fitness or not sure how to do it without over-exercising/guilting yourself/obsessing about weight loss etc., I’d like to give you a couple of tips how to do it in an emotionally healthy way.

So here are my top five tips on how to exercise without making yourself crazy.

1. Do What You Find Fun.   Just because your best friend swears by hot yoga, it doesn’t mean that you have to do it.  It doesn’t have to be difficult or unpleasant to be really good for you.

Why? Because if you like it, you’ll want to do it, and if you don’t like it, you won’t want to do it.  It’s really that simple.  It’s not like phys. ed. class in school, where you had to do whatever the class is doing.  If you like dancing around your apartment — fantastic.  Great.  Do that.  If you like water aerobics, find a place that has it and do it.  It is worth the money if you like it and it makes you feel good.  When you exercise in a way that you actually enjoy, you still get tons of benefits, and it’s SO MUCH EASIER to do because you actually want to do it!

2. Be Open Minded & Try Different Things. Experiment with different kinds of exercise and see what appeals to you.  Be willing to try something new and revise your opinions.

Why? Because when you’re open minded, you may find that what was once true for you isn’t true anymore.  For example, even if you always thought you had two left feet, you might really enjoy a dance class.  Or, even if you always found the weight room intimidating in high school, you may not feel that way now, as an adult.  If you’re checking out gyms, try to get a free week or day at different gyms, and see where you feel most comfortable.  You don’t have to make a decision right away, and you may be surprised by which place you like the most.  (I also really recommend YMCA’s and YMHA’s because they’re usually less “hard selling” than commercial gyms.)

3. Don’t Keep Statistics.  I mean it.  Don’t track anything about the way you exercise.  Don’t track how many minutes of cardio, calories burned, or your weight or your measurements.

Why? You don’t need it, and it can make you crazy. You know when you’ve been working out regularly and when you haven’t. Your body tells you. You notice when your endurance has gotten better when you get less tired walking to the train. You notice when your muscles have gotten stronger when you lift a bag of groceries with less effort. The point of exercise is not to constantly compare (and judge yourself) against a standard from last week or last year or 20 years ago. The point is noticing how your body feels. And if today your body feels tired and you only do a little, that is fantastic too because it means you’re listening.

4. Schedule Your Workouts. Block out time in your schedule for classes you want to take or working out at home.  Make that time as sacred as possible by not scheduling anything else during that time.  Be realistic about the time you need, including time to stretch, shower, etc.

Why? Exercising really is “me time.”  It’s time that you are putting aside, just for you, to make you feel good.  Putting your favorite classes or home workouts in your schedule is a signal to yourself that your health, well-being, and personal time is really important.  I literally schedule my water aerobics class (and travel time and shower time) into my schedule and don’t schedule clients during that time.  I know that no matter how crazy my day is, I have that time blocked out just for me and I can look forward to it.

5. Invest In Workout Clothes, Sneakers, Etc. That Are Right For You, Fit You And Make You Feel Good. When you have sneakers that fit right, clothes that fit, etc., exercising is so much easier and more enjoyable.

Why? It’s really hard to concentrate on exercising when you’re worried that your bathing suit is too tight or your sneakers are worn out.  Wear clothes that make you feel good –  even put on some makeup if it helps.  Truly, it’s better to wear one outfit that you like over and over again, than wear really old clothes that make you feel embarrassed.  I notice when I have things that support my workout, (like these prescription goggles that I bought recently) then I’m more likely to workout and really enjoy it.

Alright, hotties, let’s get cookin’!  Let me know if you use these tips (and feel free to share your own) in the comments section below or on Facebook!

Golda is a certified holistic health counselor and founder of Body Love Wellness, a program designed for plus-sized women who are fed up with dieting and want support to stop obsessing about food and weight. Go to http://www.bodylovewellness.com/free to get your free download — Golda’s Top Ten Tips For Divine Dining!
© Golda Poretsky 2010-2011

How To Exercise Without Making Yourself Crazy originally appeared on Body Love Wellness on September 12, 2011.

by Golda Poretsky, H.H.C.
www.bodylovewellness.com

Listen to the podcast of this post here:

I tried to write this post about 10 times this week, and every time, I just couldn’t do it.

I had ideas but I didn’t like them enough.  I sat down to write and then found every distraction I could find (hello, Facebook!).

I used every trick in the book.

Affirmations! — “I’m an excellent writer who writes my blog easily!”

Time Management Skills! — I will set a timer for exactly 50 minutes, and it will be done in that time.  Everyone knows that work always fits the time allotted to it. It’s Parkinson’s Law in action!

Free Writing! — I know that if I write about whatever eventually it will be something interesting and then it will all come together in a genius blog post yes that will happen I know it when is it going to happen?

Relocation!  — Maybe if I just get out of my office and go to a coffee shop I’ll be inspired by the energy of those around me!

None of it worked.  Not one bit.  And as a coach who helps people move through resistance all the time, it was kind of a bummer that I couldn’t do it for myself this time.

Maybe you’ve experienced something similar.  Have you ever had a project with a deadline, where you knew you could do it but just couldn’t make it happen?  I can’t be the only one.

So I decided to write about that struggle today.  That struggle of making something happen versus getting into agreement with the idea that it may not.

It was only when I got into agreement with the idea that maybe, just maybe, I wasn’t going to get my blog in by the deadline, that I was able to write this post.  I told myself that it was okay, that I could re-use an old post that a lot of new readers haven’t seen yet rather than come up with something new.  Going with the flow and acknowledging that I was stuck actually got me unstuck!

And then I just decided to write about not being able to write a post.  I’m now about 10 minutes into it, and I think I’m going to stop while the gettin’s good.

In a weird way, my struggle with writing my blog today is a lot like the struggle that many of us face when we try to change our bodies through dieting, over-exercising and other behaviors.  We often get to a point where our bodies rebel — we eat more than we “should”, we get injured and have to slow down, or we just get tired of fighting with ourselves. By accepting our bodies and our imperfection, we can actually relax and trust our bodies are really okay.  By giving up the struggle, we can just be and let things unfold.

Have you ever gotten into agreement with something that wasn’t working for you and finally found the solution you were looking for?  Please share it with me here or on Facebook.

Golda Poretsky, H.H.C. is a certified holistic health counselor who specializes in empowering plus sized women to own their bodies and their beauty. Go to http://www.bodylovewellness.com/free to get your free download — Golda’s Top Ten Tips For Divine Dining!

Join Golda for her 21-day Body Love Makeover Attraction Program. It starts tomorrow!

On Total Blog Fails And Going With The Flow (Mercury In Retrograde Edition) originally appeared on Body Love Wellness on August 8, 2011.

by Golda Poretsky, H.H.C.
www.bodylovewellness.com

Listen to the podcast of this post here:

When I wrote this cranky post about the “real women…” phenomenon, I never expected it to resonate with so many women.

Image By Wyanne Thompson www.wyanne.com

It seems that fat, thin, in between, curvy, not curvy, in between, cisgender, trans, various gynecological surgeries or symptoms, or whatever, there’s a lot of crap that makes us feel like not so real women.

For most of my teenage/ adult life I felt like not very much of a real woman due to having polycystic ovarian syndrome (P.C.O.S. for short.)  (This is not something I write about much, but I feel on a deep level that sharing it will be helpful to some of you, so I’m going for it.)  For those of you who don’t know what that it is, it’s basically a cluster of symptoms that people who have it get to varying degrees, including irregular or absent periods, weight gain, hirsutism, acne, anovulation, infertility, ovarian cysts, and insulin resistance (with a higher chance of type 2 diabetes).  Some women get only one or two symptoms and they’re mild and some get nearly all or all of them quite severely.

Back when I was a preteen, P.C.O.S. was not on anyone’s radar.  I went on The Pill as a young teenager to regulate my periods, which worked for a while, but now some researchers think it only makes P.C.O.S. worse.  Over the years, I’ve treated this with everything from hormones to acupuncture to meditation to vitamins and supplements to dietary changes.  (Some of you, I’m sure, are going to comment that I just need to do X, Y, and Z to make it better, and I can assure you that I’ve probably tried X, Y, and Z multiple times.)  I used to blame myself horrendously for my absolute failure to heal the P.C.O.S., and truthfully, a big part of body acceptance for me was accepting that I’m not a horrible person for not being able to get a period regularly. Spending as much time around holistic types as I did, you can sometimes feel shame for not being able to cure something with the right amount of probiotics, Bach’s flower remedies, and meditation.

I also had to come to terms with the idea that I was “not less of a woman” for it. I think a big part of the fact that I mostly had guy friends until my late twenties was that guys don’t complain about menstrual cramps nor talk about how fat they are (although lately, I think that’s changed).  I always dreaded the periods and fat conversations. Having P.C.O.S. always seemed like a failure and something to be ashamed of.  Unlike fatness, it’s something that you can hide pretty well, until your roommate keeps taking your tampons and then notices that you don’t replace them very often.

Over the last few years, I’ve changed my internal discourse around my womanhood.  I’ve realized that I’m not “less of a woman” (whatever that might mean) just because I don’t get the requisite number of periods.  I want to make choices that are as healing as possible for me/my body, but one of those choices is choosing to let go of the stress and striving and worrying about this.

Have you struggled with feeling like a “real woman” due to P.C.O.S. or anything else?  Let me know what you think in the comments section below!

Golda Poretsky, H.H.C. is a certified holistic health counselor who specializes in transforming your relationship with food and your body. Go to http://www.bodylovewellness.com/stay-in-touch/ to sign up for her newsletter and get your free download — Golda’s Top Ten Tips For Divine Dining!

“Real Women,” PCOS & Body Image originally appeared on Body Love Wellness on June 6, 2011.

by Golda Poretsky, H.H.C.
www.bodylovewellness.com

Listen to the podcast of this post here:

I’m bringing back and oldie and goodie this week.  Enjoy!

I think many of us walk around with the feeling that we’re not measuring up in terms of having “healthy habits.”  Consciously or not, we think that if we could just work out all day, eat “perfectly” (whatever that might mean for you), meditate consistently, etc., that we would be “in perfect health”, never get sick, be the “perfect” weight and have “perfect” lives.

Does this sound anything like you?  If it does, then you probably also spend a good deal of time wishing you could be more perfect and feeling that you’re not. And that’s no way to live.

When you’ve spent as much time studying holistic health and nutrition as I have, then you encounter a lot of people who probably live as close to the ideal as possible.  And let me tell you, they still get sick.    They still get obsessive about food and health and exercise and meditation.  They still have problems at work and get mad at their kids.

In other words, perfection ain’t so great.

One of my client’s is a novel writer with a day job as an administrative assistant.  At least two nights a week, she finds herself staying up until two or three in the morning, working on her novel.  She told me that she really wanted to change this habit, because she had read about how staying up late can throw off your cortisol levels and mess with blood sugar.  She told me that after she stays up late to work on her novel, she still feels fine the next morning at work, often feeling more energized because she feels good for having worked on her book the night before.  Yet, she was adamant about going to bed earlier.  I worked with her on some relaxation techniques so that she could try going to bed at 11PM, even on those nights where she felt compelled to work on her novel.

At our next session, I asked her how her going to bed early had worked for her.

“Golda, it was terrible,” she told me.  “Most of the time, I would stay in bed thinking about my novel until 2 or 3 in the morning, but not working on it.  Once I was able to fall asleep at 11pm or so, but I still felt off the next day.  I tried to write earlier in the day but it just wouldn’t flow.  I haven’t made any progress on my book.”  She paused and took a deep breath.  “I think I’m just going to do my usual thing from now.  I feel better that way anyway.”

That’s the thing about trying to be perfectly healthy.  Sure, staying up too late all the time can mess with cortisol, but not staying up when she was dying to write was messing with her soul.

Health isn’t about being “perfect” with food or exercise or herbs.  Health is about balancing those things with your desires.  It’s about nourishing your spirit as well as your body.

If you want to change health-related habits, that’s fine, but do so without judgment.  Let yourself balance your desire to be more healthful with your other desires and goals in life.  Remember your real goal — it’s not perfection, it’s happiness.

Golda Poretsky, H.H.C. is a certified holistic health counselor who specializes in transforming your relationship with food and your body. Go to http://www.bodylovewellness.com/stay-in-touch/ to sign up for her newsletter and get your free download — Golda’s Top Ten Tips For Divine Dining!

Your Imperfect Health! originally appeared on Body Love Wellness on May 23, 2011.

by Golda Poretsky, HHC
http://www.bodylovewellness.com

Mazel Tov Means "Good Luck" in Yiddish and These Looked Tasty, Hence, I Used This Image

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I have a question for you.  How much of your health is really just luck?

I found myself asking myself this question recently when my skin broke out all of a sudden and all over my face.  I figured it was an allergic reaction to something, but I couldn’t figure out what it might be.  Then I started to think it might be the beginnings of acne rosacea, which runs in my family.

Even though I do positive body image work for a living, I wasn’t exactly excited to have the worst acne I had ever had in my life.

I was attending a conference that weekend, which meant that I was pretty much eating whatever the other conference attendees were eating, so I couldn’t make any major food changes without an effort that I wasn’t really willing to make.  I took some milk thistle (a gentle, liver supporting herb) in case my body was trying to deal with a toxin and in case this was the start of rosacea.  I upped other vitamin supplements, including a B complex, C, grape seed extract, and whatever other ones may have come to my attention at that point.  I used a more intense face wash than I usually use, which seemed to only make it worse.  I dabbed my skin with witch hazel to keep it clean, which didn’t seem to do anything. And I wore more makeup than usual.  That’s about it.

A few days later, the new acne and redness was pretty much gone.  Hooray for milk thistle!

Or was it the extra anti-oxidants?  Or was it sleep?  Or was I stressed out about something and the stress was now gone?  Or was it genes?  Or was it a particular type of pollen whose levels had gone down?  Or was it…

In other words, I have no idea why this skin issue went away.  I don’t know if it was one of the gazillion things that I did, or a bunch of them, or none of them at all.

I think in our culture, when someone is sick, we often look for something to blame. Fat people know this all to well.  Everything from achy joints, to colds, to cancer gets blamed on fat.  We hear things like, “Of course she got diabetes, she was fat!”  Or, “Of course he had a heart attack. He eats badly!”  But the reality is, thin people also get diabetes.  The reality is, fat people who get diabetes may be fat because of the diabetes, rather than the other way around.  The reality is, plenty of people who eat healthfully have heart problems and plenty of people who eat poorly never have a heart attack.

We live in a culture of cause and effect.  We live in a culture of logic, of if-then statements.  If you’re this, then this happens.

But in reality, cause and effect are rarely clear in any circumstance.  A thousand causes, in a chain or simultaneously, could lead to a single effect.

Here’s what I think.  I think we should do what we can to support our healing, but that we shouldn’t blame ourselves when luck (i.e., money, genetics, and a gazillion other things we might not be able to account for) isn’t on our side. Blame is really counterproductive.  It makes you feel bad and guilty, which just creates more stress. I think we should love our bodies, and do our best to feed ourselves nourishing foods and move joyously.  I think we should all have access to good, non-judgmental health care, alternative and not, when we want it (this part is also hard to control, for many of us).

So what are you still blaming yourself for? Let me know in the comments section below.

Are you curious about the Divine Feminine and how it might help you heal from food and body image issues? Then join me for my next free teleclass: Using The Secrets Of The Divine Feminine To Heal From Food And Body Image Issues. It’s coming up this week! Click here to register.

Golda Poretsky, H.H.C. is a certified holistic health counselor who specializes in transforming your relationship with food and your body. Go to http://www.bodylovewellness.com/stay-in-touch/ to get her free download — Golda’s Top Ten Tips For Divine Dining!

© Golda Poretsky 2011

Good Health And Good Luck originally appeared on Body Love Wellness on March 28, 2011.

by Golda Poretsky, HHC
http://www.bodylovewellness.com

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Take a moment to connect with one of your deepest desires.   Really connect with that desire right now.

Now, take a moment to think or say aloud: “I deserve ____(that desire)____.”

How did that feel?  Did it feel like the truth?  Did it feel okay to say that you really deserve one of your deepest desires?

If it felt right, if you felt aligned with that statement, then I am so happy for you.  This article may not be for you then.

But if it felt funny, or weird, or wrong, or guilt-inducing to say “I deserve this deep desire” then you should definitely read on.

Most of us think of being deserving from a scarcity perspective.  On some level we think, that if we find ourselves deserving, we’re implying that others are not.  But feeling that we’re deserving has nothing to do with others not being deserving.  Feeling deserving just means that we are willing to honor and take heed of our own needs and desires.  When you don’t feel deserving, you create your own self-imposed obstacle to creating positive change and having what you want.

Deciding that you’re deserving can sometimes feel selfish.  You may feel like, “Well, if I’m deserving of this, isn’t everybody?  Why should I have wonderful food while others go hungry?  Why should I love my body and approve of it when so many people hate theirs?”

But thinking this way does not serve anyone.  If you eat food that you don’t really like because others are hungry, both you and those hungry folks are miserable, right?  If you hate your body because other people don’t know that it’s possible to stop hating theirs, who are you serving?  You are only serving your inner critic. You are only serving the belief in scarcity that keeps you afraid to change and follow your desires.

Feeling deserving is not selfish, it is self-empowering. Deciding that you’re deserving of love, or good food, or joyous movement or a better job is self-empowering.  When you find yourself worthy of what you want, when you become in alignment with what you want, you have the energy to take care of yourself, of your needs, of your wants.  And that energy can change the world for the better. See for yourself how this small mindset shift can create big change.

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There’s still time to join me for the Body Love Revolutionaries Telesummit!  Click here to learn more and register for FREE.

Also, my new emotional eating teleseries just opened up at the early bird rate!  Check it out here.

Golda Poretsky, H.H.C. is a certified holistic health counselor who specializes in transforming your relationship with food and your body. Go to http://www.bodylovewellness.com/stay-in-touch/ to sign up for her newsletter and get your free download — Golda’s Top Ten Tips For Divine Dining!

© Golda Poretsky 2011

Feeling Deserving originally appeared on Body Love Wellness on February 7, 2011.