by Golda Poretsky, H.H.C.
www.bodylovewellness.com

Listen to the podcast of this post here:

It feels inevitable. December is all about holidays and parties and joy and togetherness. There are bright lights and gifts and delicious food and hundreds of tubas playing carols. At least, that’s the hope. It’s a time of year when we try, as best we can, to connect with our abundance and our joy.

Cupid Is Taking Back January From Father Time (it's one interpretation) (image courtesy of graphicsfairy)

Then, suddenly, January 2nd rolls around, and we’re asked to drop all of that merriment and get real. We’re supposed to take note of our flaws and resolve to be better — to eat better, to exercise more, to party less, to stop having such a darn good time and get down to work, usually on ourselves.

I just hate it. I hate this pattern that we’re told to recreate every year. I hate this pattern of flagellating ourselves for our fun, or joy, our willingness to let go of some rules and just have fun. I’m tired of the pendulum swing, the “or” and not the “and.”

So here’s what I propose. Let’s (quite literally) have our cake and eat it too. Let’s savor the cake and the kale. Let’s get more exercise by dancing more with friends. Let’s love our bodies because they’re ours, because they’re a gift, and not have our self approval depend on how well they meet some totally arbitrary societal standard.

I’m dead serious about this. So if you’re ready to join me in taking back January, check out my 2011-2012 Transition & Manifestation Book (today’s the last day that you can download it for free) and join me for the 2nd Annual Body Love Revolutionaries Telesummit, where I’ll be interviewing 20 outrageously fabulous people at the forefront of Health At Every Size® and body acceptance. Together, we can make this January way more fun and fulfilling.

Golda is a certified holistic health counselor and founder of Body Love Wellness, a program designed for plus-sized women who are fed up with dieting and want support to stop obsessing about food and weight. Go to http://www.bodylovewellness.com/free to get your free download — Golda’s Top Ten Tips For Divine Dining!

My New Year’s Resolution — Take Back January! originally appeared on Body Love Wellness on January 2, 2012.

by Golda Poretsky, H.H.C.
www.bodylovewellness.com

Listen to the podcast of this post here:

Do not adjust your monitors. The image below is not some work of photoshop magic. It is merely a scan of photos that are now irreparably stuck together because they were left on a radiator.

Totally ruined vacation pics

Why would anyone leave perfectly good pictures of a vacation to a tropical paradise atop a hot radiator? That is an excellent question. Well, that picture at the top of the stack was the only picture of myself in the whole stack, and, at the time, I hated it. I couldn’t stand how I looked. Back in 2005, before I had heard of fat acceptance, this picture confirmed for me how fat I was (and yes, I’m definitely fatter now). To my mind at the time, fat equaled bad. Consequently, I never put the photos into an album, and “unintentionally” left them on a radiator, where they melded together. I had taken them with a disposable camera (my digital camera died in the middle of my trip), have no idea where the negatives are, and consequently lost all photographic evidence of this trip, save for this melted pile.

As a result of this picture and pressure from people in my life who were doing Weight Watchers, I embarked on my last diet.  To make a long story short, I lost a bunch of weight, started gaining it back (like everyone else), found HAES(R) and fat acceptance and eventually gained it all back, plus more.

For the first time since that trip, I’m going on vacation to a tropical local (with my fabulous friend Anne).  In the past, I would have avoided any pictures of myself.  The fact that I only had one picture of myself from a 5-day trip speaks volumes about my nearly lifelong avoidance of pictures.  I never felt good looking at pictures — they weren’t reminders of lovely trips and time with friends, they were reminders that I never looked as good or “acceptable” as I thought I did.  They just made me depressed.

Even as I got deeper into body acceptance, pictures were still hard for me.  I could wrap my head around the idea that fat didn’t equal bad, but I always seemed to have more fat than I thought.  I always had a bigger double chin, a bigger belly, etc. than I thought.

In the last few years, I’ve done some great experimenting with photography.  I think it all started when I took Lesleigh J. Owen‘s class at the NAAFA Convention, where she encouraged us to take “bad” pictures of ourselves.  Being encouraged to do that was really liberating.  I also started to seek out more images of fat people in general, whether they were artfully done like Adipositivity or just regular pictures of regular folks.  I realized that I needed to change my perception of what was “normal” or “good” when it came to pictures.  I didn’t want looking skinnier than usual to be my only criterion for a good picture.

So, I’m hoping to do this vacation a little differently, and end up with some beautiful pictures, including ones of me.

Do any of you have this picture phobia?  I hope you’ll share in the comments below.

Golda is a certified holistic health counselor and founder of Body Love Wellness, a program designed for plus-sized women who are fed up with dieting and want support to stop obsessing about food and weight. Go to http://www.bodylovewellness.com/free to get your free download — Golda’s Top Ten Tips For Divine Dining!

The Dreaded Curse Of “Bad” Photos originally appeared on Body Love Wellness on December 12, 2011.

by Golda Poretsky, H.H.C.
www.bodylovewellness.com

Listen to the podcast of this post here:

(I’m bringing an oldie but goodie from 2 years ago back this week.  New stuff next week.  Enjoy!)

How often have you heard the aphorism, “it’s better to give than to receive?”

Well, I’ve heard it a lot, and I must beg to differ. I think they are equally wonderful, but receiving has gotten too bad of a rap.

(Image courtesy of The Graphics Fairy)

Many of us have become accustomed to over-giving. We over-give of our time, our brainpower, our emotional energy. We do this all year long, and then heighten our over-giving for the holidays, where we buy more presents for others than our budgets really allow, we make food that we don’t really like in order to please others, we endure lots of parties we don’t want to attend, etc. etc. etc. It’s as if we’re all suffering from “Over-Giving Syndrome.” Amazingly, we do this at the time of year when the nights are the longest, when our bodies are telling us to rest more, to dream more, to restore our energy.

Giving, when done out of a true desire to give, is indeed beautiful and wonderful. But you can’t get to that point of pleasurable giving until you’ve really received.

In other words, you can’t pour eggnog from an empty container of eggnog.

(Mmmm… eggnog….)

But I digress. In this season of giving, I want to talk a little about the art of receiving as a cure for Over-Giving Syndrome. How is it done? How do you replenish your energy? How do you refill the eggnog container?

(Mmmm… eggnog…)

I think receiving can be as simple as strategically employing a few simple words.

1) Say “No” More Often — “No” is such simple word, yet so hard to say when you’re unaccustomed to it. “No” is one of the best words to use when you feel your energy waning and know that you need to protect it. Practice saying “no” to small things first, just to get used to it. If you typically have trouble saying “no”, remember that “no” is a more loving word than it’s given credit for. When you say “no” to something you don’t want, you are being loving to yourself, your desires, and your needs. In addition, you’re being loving to the person who is requesting something of you, because they know where you stand and won’t suffer through your resentment for “making you” do something you don’t want to do.

2) Say “Yes” More Often — How often do you say “no” to things you want and say “yes” (or acquiesce) to things you don’t want? In order to receive joyously, you also have to learn to say “yes” to the things you want. Just like saying “no” to the things you don’t want, saying “yes” to things you do want can take some negotiation. Say “yes” to lunch invitations, phone calls from friends, curling up with your favorite new novel, and other things that make you happy. If you want to refill your proverbial cup of eggnog, you’ll have to start saying “Yes” when someone cute at the deli accidentally drops it in your cart.

(Did someone say eggnog?)

3) Say “Thank You” (Without Caveats) More Often – Way back when, whenever someone complimented me on my outfit, I would immediately blurt out something like “It was so on sale!” or “Really? It’s so old!” or any number of horrendous things that deflected the compliment and made the complimenter sorry she ever said anything. (Okay, so I still do this 10% of the time. I admit it.) I had no idea that I could just say, “Thank you!” I also had no idea that simply saying “thank you” would have the desired effects of (a) allowing me to receive the compliment, (b) making me feel good, and (c) making the complimenter feel good about complimenting me. When someone gives you a gift or a compliment (which is also a gift), saying things like “you shouldn’t have” or “oh, no, I look terrible” has the completely undesired effects of (a) deflecting the compliment so that it doesn’t sink in and get received, (b) makes you feel bad, and (c) makes the complimenter feel bad because they were just told that their gift was not appreciated or accepted and that they were wrong for giving it.

Who knew it was so easy to receive? A few strategic “yesses”, “noes” and “thank you’s” and you’ll be feeling replenished in no time. Try it and comment to let me know how it goes.

Wishing you a very happy holiday! Have some eggnog for me, will ya?

Golda is a certified holistic health counselor and founder of Body Love Wellness, a program designed for plus-sized women who are fed up with dieting and want support to stop obsessing about food and weight. Go to http://www.bodylovewellness.com/free to get your free download — Golda’s Top Ten Tips For Divine Dining!

The Gift Of Receiving originally appeared on Body Love Wellness on December 5, 2011.

Happy Thanksgiving! originally appeared on Body Love Wellness on November 23, 2011.

The holidays can bring up a lot of . . . stuff.  Whether you look forward to the holidays or not, being with family can mean being scrutinized about your weight, your food choices, and even bigger life choices. 

Whether you come from a family of constant dieters or one where cleaning your plate is the best way to show love, navigating your way through the holiday season can feel more pressured and stressful than anything else.  In the end, you may find that you’re overeating or undereating just to please members of your family.

Wouldn’t it be fabulous to have more fun this holiday?  Wouldn’t it be lovely to have the tools you need so that you can have a really joyous holiday season?

In this free teleclass, Golda Poretsky, H.H.C. (founder of Body Love Wellness and author of Stop Dieting Now: 25 Reasons To Stop, 25 Ways To Heal) will share her top techniques for feeling great during the holidays– the same ones she shares with her private coaching clients.

You’ll walk away from this call with surprisingly powerful, yet simple techniques for keeping an even keel with food during the holidays.

Here’s what you’ll learn:

• An amazingly simple technique for saying “no” and setting boundaries in a loving, positive way.
• Easy ways to enjoy your favorite foods without feeling like you overdid it.
• The top mistake that we make when trying to deal with the stress of the holidays.
• Helpful tips for having fun and enjoying your friends and family while staying true to your needs.
• More tried and true secrets….

Whether you’ve been working on dealing better with your family or not, you’ll get at least 3 BIG insights into how to have a happier and healthier holiday that you’ll be able to use immediately!

Note: Everyone who registers will receive a link to listen to the recording of the class, so you should still register if you can’t make it live!

Just enter your info in the boxes below, and you’ll receive the complete call details via email.

New FREE Teleclass! HAES For The Holidays: How To Navigate Food, Family & Fatness Better This Holiday Season originally appeared on Body Love Wellness on November 2, 2011.

Hi all,

Happy Halloween!

You've probably seen this, but I love it (Image courtesy of bigfunnysite.com)

I’m feeling a little tapped out this week, so I this post may feel a bit patched together.  I didn’t even do a podcast.  Perhaps I’m being too gentle with myself this week. :)

So, I’ve been mildly obsessed with going “no-poo,” and I’ve written some goofy posts about it over at Persephone Magazine.  If this is something you’re into or want to know more, check it out!

I would also love for you to comment below and let me know what sorts of things you’ve been thinking about in terms of fat pride/acceptance, body image, Health At Every Size, intuitive eating, disordered eating, and all that.  Where are you getting stuck?  What are some things that you feel that no one is writing about that need to be addressed?  Feel free to tell me.  My practice has been so full lately that I’m having trouble responding to comments, but I will make sure to respond to these.

I also have a very exciting FREE teleclass coming up on November 17th on being HAES For The Holidays.  Save the date, and I’ll announce registration info very shortly.  As always, if you sign up for the newsletter on the top right hand side of the screen, you’ll get all the info as soon as it comes out.

Thanks as always for reading and have a fabulous Halloween!

xo,

Golda

Happy Halloween! originally appeared on Body Love Wellness on October 31, 2011.

by Golda Poretsky, H.H.C.
www.bodylovewellness.com

Listen to the podcast for this post here:

In the Jewish tradition, the period between the high holidays of Rosh Hashanah (which starts Wednesday night) and Yom Kippur (which starts Friday night, October 7th) is a time when we seek to make amends with people we may have wronged.  Essentially, it’s a time of seeking forgiveness and repairing relationships.

"The Platonic Kiss" by William H. Rau (image courtesy of the Library of Congress)

A few years ago, I started to think about this time as a time to repair my relationship with my body just as I try to repair my relationships with others.  I started to think about the ways that I may have wronged my body.  Had I pushed it to the limit working late night after night?  Had I expressed my hatred for it when my favorite pants felt tight?  Had I resisted movement that would have made it felt good?  Had I yearned for it to be anything different than it was?

So much of the time, we treat our bodies as if they weren’t a part of us.  We take out our frustrations on them.  We seek to change our bodies through dieting and over-exercising when they don’t meet with our approval.  And even if it’s our norm, it needn’t be our norm forever.

Even if you’re not Jewish, you can see this time of the Jewish New Year as a time to make amends with your body. Try this meditation when you have a few minutes (to be guided through the meditation, listen to the podcast above or in itunes):

Get into a comfortable position, either sitting, with your feet flat on the floor, or lying down.  Take a few deep breaths, allowing yourself to feel calm and centered.  Now think back over the past twelve months, and think of the times when you’ve felt ashamed of your body, denigrated it, made fun of it, or otherwise harmed it.  Take a few moments to feel what you feel in your body when you think back on those memories and experiences.  After you’ve spent some time feeling what that feels like, tell your body (either aloud or in your mind) that you would like it to forgive you.  Ask your body what it needs from you to forgive you, and promise to take those action steps.  Begin to feel that feeling of forgiveness within you.  Take a few deep breaths and begin to move your body to come out of the meditation.

As you can see, this not a typical New Year’s resolution which gets forgotten a month later.  This is much deeper.  This is an attempt to heal a rift within you by listening to your body and asking for its forgiveness.

I hope you’ll try it and let me know how it goes in the comments section below or on my facebook page.  And happy holidays to those celebrating!

Golda is a certified holistic health counselor and founder of Body Love Wellness, a program designed for plus-sized women who are fed up with dieting and want support to stop obsessing about food and weight. Go to http://www.bodylovewellness.com/free to get your free download — Golda’s Top Ten Tips For Divine Dining!

Making Amends With Your Body originally appeared on Body Love Wellness on September 26, 2011.

I’m sorry, this free offer is no longer available, but you can get your own fully-optimized copy on Amazon (kindle) and Barnes & Noble (Nook, epub) for only $6.97!

This book will support you in:

• Healing from the dieting/bingeing cycle.
• Understanding why diets never seem to work in the long term.
• Simple techniques for freeing yourself from negative body image.
• Easy ways to lower your stress levels when it comes to food.
• How to know when you’re hungry and full and act on that information.

And so much more!

Happy diet-free eating for your beautiful body!

(c) Golda Poretsky 2011

THIS WEEKEND ONLY: Free E-Book Download In Honor Of Be Body Positive Day! originally appeared on Body Love Wellness on August 6, 2011.

by Golda Poretsky, HHC
http://www.bodylovewellness.com

Listen to the podcast here:

Recently, I was interviewed for an article about HAES(SM), and the interviewer asked, “What was your earliest experience with dieting?”

I felt a little funny telling her that I did my first diet when I was 4 years old. Even though I include that fact in my bio and I hear similar stories all day long in my practice, it still  felt funny to say it.

My mom is a big Sophia Loren fan (as am I) so I figured I'd put up this lovely picture of her with her kid.

I actually remember quite a lot about that first diet. I don’t remember what I ate or how I went about it, but I remember telling my Mom that the kids at nursery school were calling me fat. After some discussion (I was a really talkative kid) we decided that I would go on some sort of diet, and I would get a gold star on the calendar every day that I stuck to it. After a certain number of gold stars accumulated, I would get a toy.

As you might imagine, I think that this set me up for a lot things that some of you may have experienced too. For years, I had underlying beliefs like:  it’s important to focus on weight and food, it’s important to please people in order to get something (a toy, approval), I need to change how I look to be accepted, and in some ways, a belief that the bullies were right.

Maybe in reading this, you’re thinking, “I would never put my kid on a diet at such a young age.” And perhaps, you wouldn’t. But when I think about my Mom’s experience of life, how she was the chubby one among her thin siblings, how her Mom (my Grandmother) worried about her weight and my Mom’s weight, how she had gone through life thinking she was fat, starving herself to fit in, etc., then it doesn’t seem so weird. In fact, it makes perfect sense. My Mom was trying to avoid the pain that she had experienced as a fat kid.

Antique French Postcard (Graphics Fairy)

When I write in my gratitude journal, I often find myself writing about my Mom. I feel grateful to her for so many things, but I’ve also come to a place where I’m really grateful that she put me on that diet at age 4. That diet, and the diets that followed, were part of my journey to where I am now. I would never have been the anti-diet crusader, the fat activist, and the healer that I am today if I hadn’t gone through the intense torment of repeated dieting. I wouldn’t wish it on another kid, but I see that journey coming to fruition in the fat activists around me, and I think there will be legions more of us in the years to come since childhood obesity has become such a lightning rod issue (phony as it is).

I inherited so much from my Mom. I have her wavy hair, her love of learning, her zeal for social justice, her love of humor, her love of creature comforts and beautiful things.  I know she blames herself for my inherited weight, even though I would love for her to let go of that.  I think that would be a great Mother’s Day present to herself, even though my Mom hates Mother’s Day and thinks it’s a commercialized, fake holiday.  (I guess my Mom’s hatred of fake holidays is another thing I inherited, though I solemnly and devoutly celebrate International No Diet Day every year (and every day, really).)

Antique Postcard (Graphics Fairy)

So here’s a tip for finding some healing from the guilt and blame cycle.  Take a moment to picture your mom (or whomever was like a mom to you) in different stages of her life.  Picture her as a young child, a preteen, a teenager, and a young adult.  For each of these stages, ask yourself, “What were her dreams for her life? What were her fears and insecurities?”  Doing this exercise may help you understand your mom a bit better.

It’s a good reminder that, as Louise Hay says, “our parents were doing the best they could with the understanding, awareness, and knowledge that they had” at the time.   (And by the way, if you’re not there yet in acknowledging your parents’ journey, that’s okay too.)

Please share your insights in the comments section below.

[PSSST.  HEY, YOU.  IF YOU'VE BEEN THINKING THAT YOU WANT TO WORK WITH ME, GET SUPPORT IN HEALING FROM THE STRESS OF DISORDERED EATING AND BODY HATRED, THEN YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT REGISTRATION FOR MY TRULY AMAZING GROUP PROGRAM ENDS THIS WEEK.   IF YOU'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT IT, NOW IS THE TIME.  CLICK HERE FOR MORE INFO.  I HOPE TO SEE YOU THERE!]

Golda Poretsky, H.H.C. is a certified holistic health counselor who specializes in transforming your relationship with food and your body. Go to http://www.bodylovewellness.com/stay-in-touch/ to get your free download — Golda’s Top Ten Tips For Divine Dining.

In Honor Of Mother’s Day: Taking A Break From The Guilt/Blame Cycle originally appeared on Body Love Wellness on May 9, 2011.

This free offer is no longer available, but you can get your own fully-optimized copy on Amazon (kindle) and Barnes & Noble (Nook, epub) for only $6.97!

by Golda Poretsky, H.H.C.
www.bodylovewellness.com

HAPPY INTERNATIONAL NO DIET DAY!

All dieting is null and void today, so take a break today from dieting (or a longer one… I’m a big fan of it).

In honor of this most important annual holiday, I’m offering you a FREE PDF copy of my book, Stop Dieting Now: 25 Reasons To Stop, 25 Ways To Heal.

It’s FREE today only!

This book will support you in:

• Healing from the dieting/bingeing cycle.
• Understanding why diets never seem to work in the long term.
• Simple techniques for freeing yourself from negative body image.
• Easy ways to lower your stress levels when it comes to food.
• How to know when you’re hungry and full and act on that information.

And so much more!

(c) Golda Poretsky 2011

TODAY ONLY: Free E-Book Download In Honor Of International No Diet Day! originally appeared on Body Love Wellness on May 6, 2011.