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I always liked Monica Lewinsky.

Back in 1998, I was 20 years old, just a few years younger than she was at the time. Superficially, I looked a little like her — the plus-sized body (though she was probably smaller than me), the round face, the modified “Friends” haircut. People literally would yell out “Hey, Monica!” to me on my way to class at NYU. She lived just a few blocks away from my dorm at the time.

A lot of people were in love with Bill Clinton then (me included). The 1992 election had been particularly exciting. After 12 years of Republicans, two relative cute, young-ish, progressive guys had taken over and they seemed to actually care about the economy and whether people had jobs that they could actually live on.

So when Monica hooked up with Bill, I think a lot of women thought to themselves that they would probably have done the same thing.

Me in 1999 at the NYU graduation

Me in 1999 at the NYU graduation.

The ensuing “scandal” felt like a witch hunt. The idea that a president could potentially be impeached for oral sex (or, ahem, lying about oral sex) was ridiculous to most rational people. I hated the idea that tax dollars were going to paying for special prosecutor Ken Starr’s investigation.

All that aside, at the time, you could not turn on the TV without hearing a “Monica” joke, which was, at least it seemed to me, almost always about her weight. The joke was the same every time — why would the president, the leader of the free world, who could probably get almost any woman he wanted, hook up with a “fat girl” (or, perhaps even worse, a fat, Jewish girl)?

As a fellow fat, Jewish girl, I thought the media response to Monica was kind of scary. I had spent my life trying to un-fat myself because of the judgment of others, but to hear, again and again, that this slightly fat 20-something was undesirable, disgusting, and reviled was particularly revealing. It was like the unspoken judgment of millions of people suddenly became spoken, loudly, and the consensus was that being fat, even a little fat, was the grossest thing that you could be.

In the meantime, I found myself thinking about the reality of what happened versus the judgment of others. The fact was that the most powerful man in our country, a man who combined an incredible IQ with a real compassion for people (in other words, really sexy) was undoubtedly attracted to a fat woman. As a 20-year-old, I found that interesting and, truthfully, heartening, even if the public response to what happened depressed me.

I had taken a short break from dieting in 1997, but I started up again in 1998. Looking back, I think that the Clinton-Lewinsky scandal may have contributed to that choice. Nobody wanted to be Monica, nobody wanted to be the butt of the joke.

In 1999, I started law school at NYU Law, and special prosecutor Ken Starr was teaching there. I was really hoping to run into him in the hallway so that I could “accidentally” trip him. No such luck though.

(By the way, if you want some insight into how Clinton and Lewinsky’s shared concerns about their fatness and dieting actually led to their relationship, you must read this wonderful book by Paul Campos.)

Did the Clinton-Lewinsky scandal influence your thoughts on your own fat body? Let’s chat about it in the comments below!

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Golda is a certified holistic health counselor and founder of Body Love Wellness, a program designed for plus-sized women who are fed up with dieting and want support to stop obsessing about food and weight. To learn more about Golda and her work, click here.

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So excited to see Ragen Chastain, et. al. talking about her experience on PBS.

Share and like! (And give it a thumbs up on youtube!)

Get great body love tips and more when you subscribe:

Golda is a certified holistic health counselor and founder of Body Love Wellness, a program designed for plus-sized women who are fed up with dieting and want support to stop obsessing about food and weight. To learn more about Golda and her work, click here.

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370x231px HAES for the holidays spring edition banner with click here for more infoEaster and Passover are almost here. Did you ever notice that the holidays can bring up a lot of . . . stuff?

Being with family can mean being scrutinized about your weight, your food choices, and even bigger life choices.

Whether you come from a family of constant dieters or one where cleaning your plate is the best way to show love, navigating your way through the holiday season can feel more pressured and stressful than anything else.

Wouldn’t it be fabulous to have more fun this holiday? Wouldn’t it be lovely to have the tools you need so that you can have a really joyous holiday?

If so, I think you should check out my new, super-affordable e-course, HAES® For The Holidays! I’ve specifically designed an e-course to give you the body positive, loving support you deserve. All of the content is designed to align with Health At Every Size® (HAES®) practices.

We get started really soon, so don’t delay!

For full details, click here!

Happy HAES® Holidays!

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I’m so excited that another wonderful fat activist has shared her wisdom via a TEDx talk!

Check out Jill Andrew’s powerful, brilliant, evocative talk. (You may know her from her awesome blog, Fat In The City.)

Make sure to like it on youtube too. You know the trolls will get hold of this eventually, so let’s give it tons of likes!

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Yum! Capuccino Date. (Image Courtesy Of Flickr)

I’m bringing back one of my favorite posts this week.  Read the magic of dating yourself as a way of upping your self care and amplifying your attraction factor. Enjoy!

Recently, I had the pleasure of going to a lovely dinner with my friend (let’s call her Amanda). The subject turned to the topic of dating. She told me how, about a year ago, she had wanted to meet a guy but wasn’t meeting anyone who piqued her interest, so she decided to start dating herself. In essence, she decided to be her own lover. She would take herself out to restaurants that she had been dying to go to, she would buy herself flowers, write herself love letters, make beautiful dinners for herself, and enjoy sensual time with herself. She so enjoyed dating herself that she ended up attracting a really great relationship in a matter of months. She joked that she was in a polyamorous relationship — her primary relationship was with herself and her secondary relationship was with her boyfriend.

What I loved about Amanda’s story was that she kept dating herself even though she now had a boyfriend because the benefits of dating herself were so great.

So what are some of the benefits of dating yourself?

  • Dating yourself allows you to get in touch with what you really want in relationships. It allows you to connect with how you want to be loved, how you want to be touched, how much space you need, etc.
  • Dating yourself allows you to see how much you have and how much you are able to fulfill your own desires, without relying on someone else to do it for you. In essence, you realize your completeness.
  • Dating yourself allows you to assert boundaries in your relationships in an easy and loving way. Sometimes it’s easier to say, “I need to go on a date with myself” than “I need to be left alone”.
  • Dating yourself allows you to spend time enjoying the sensual pleasure of your body, which is so healing in terms of body acceptance (and so wonderful nonetheless)!
  • If you are looking for a relationship, dating yourself gives yourself a reminder of how it feels to be dating. And, as you may have found, people often get more attention from potential lovers when they’re already in a relationship. Therefore, dating yourself can actually make you more attractive because you’re already in a relationship.

In the work that I do, I often find that different techniques work for different people when it comes to increasing their sense of self love and well being. If dating yourself sounds like fun to you, I encourage you to do it! In order to support you, answer these questions and start acting on your answers. Your lover is waiting!

  • What kinds of communication would you like to get from the person you’re dating? (Consider: sexy text messages, love letters, loving voice mails.)
  • Where would you like to go on dates? (Consider: restaurants, movies, museums, parks, boatrides, at home.)
  • What kind of gifts would you like to get from a lover? (Consider: flowers, books, clothes, jewelry.)
  • What kind of sensual experiences would you like to have with a lover? (Experiment with exploring your body. There are some great books on this topic.)
  • What would you like to wear on these dates? (Consider: dressing up, lingerie, perfume, makeup, hair.)
  • How do you like to set the mood for myself? (Consider: music, baths, self massage.)

Have fun with this. Do the things that sound pleasurable to you and forget about the things that don’t. And remember, the first rule of the Body Love Club is it’s all research.

Finally, the idea of fulfilling your own desires doesn’t have to be limited to dating yourself. Pick a desire that you feel you need someone else to fulfill, and try to fulfill it yourself, even in a small way. For example, if you’re looking for a new job, perhaps you want to pay yourself for a task that you do, just to get the feeling into your body of being paid for different work.

As always, let me know how it goes in the comments section below!

And, if you want some support with loving your self and your body this February . . . check out my new, super affordable e-course, 30 Days Of Body Love, by clicking here.

Golda is a certified holistic health counselor and founder of Body Love Wellness, a program designed for plus-sized women who are fed up with dieting and want support to stop obsessing about food and weight. To learn more about Golda and her work, click here.

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