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The Powerful Practice Of Dating Yourself

by Golda Poretsky, H.H.C. on February 12, 2014

Yum! Capuccino Date. (Image Courtesy Of Flickr)

I’m bringing back one of my favorite posts this week.  Read the magic of dating yourself as a way of upping your self care and amplifying your attraction factor. Enjoy!

Recently, I had the pleasure of going to a lovely dinner with my friend (let’s call her Amanda). The subject turned to the topic of dating. She told me how, about a year ago, she had wanted to meet a guy but wasn’t meeting anyone who piqued her interest, so she decided to start dating herself. In essence, she decided to be her own lover. She would take herself out to restaurants that she had been dying to go to, she would buy herself flowers, write herself love letters, make beautiful dinners for herself, and enjoy sensual time with herself. She so enjoyed dating herself that she ended up attracting a really great relationship in a matter of months. She joked that she was in a polyamorous relationship — her primary relationship was with herself and her secondary relationship was with her boyfriend.

What I loved about Amanda’s story was that she kept dating herself even though she now had a boyfriend because the benefits of dating herself were so great.

So what are some of the benefits of dating yourself?

  • Dating yourself allows you to get in touch with what you really want in relationships. It allows you to connect with how you want to be loved, how you want to be touched, how much space you need, etc.
  • Dating yourself allows you to see how much you have and how much you are able to fulfill your own desires, without relying on someone else to do it for you. In essence, you realize your completeness.
  • Dating yourself allows you to assert boundaries in your relationships in an easy and loving way. Sometimes it’s easier to say, “I need to go on a date with myself” than “I need to be left alone”.
  • Dating yourself allows you to spend time enjoying the sensual pleasure of your body, which is so healing in terms of body acceptance (and so wonderful nonetheless)!
  • If you are looking for a relationship, dating yourself gives yourself a reminder of how it feels to be dating. And, as you may have found, people often get more attention from potential lovers when they’re already in a relationship. Therefore, dating yourself can actually make you more attractive because you’re already in a relationship.

In the work that I do, I often find that different techniques work for different people when it comes to increasing their sense of self love and well being. If dating yourself sounds like fun to you, I encourage you to do it! In order to support you, answer these questions and start acting on your answers. Your lover is waiting!

  • What kinds of communication would you like to get from the person you’re dating? (Consider: sexy text messages, love letters, loving voice mails.)
  • Where would you like to go on dates? (Consider: restaurants, movies, museums, parks, boatrides, at home.)
  • What kind of gifts would you like to get from a lover? (Consider: flowers, books, clothes, jewelry.)
  • What kind of sensual experiences would you like to have with a lover? (Experiment with exploring your body. There are some great books on this topic.)
  • What would you like to wear on these dates? (Consider: dressing up, lingerie, perfume, makeup, hair.)
  • How do you like to set the mood for myself? (Consider: music, baths, self massage.)

Have fun with this. Do the things that sound pleasurable to you and forget about the things that don’t. And remember, the first rule of the Body Love Club is it’s all research.

Finally, the idea of fulfilling your own desires doesn’t have to be limited to dating yourself. Pick a desire that you feel you need someone else to fulfill, and try to fulfill it yourself, even in a small way. For example, if you’re looking for a new job, perhaps you want to pay yourself for a task that you do, just to get the feeling into your body of being paid for different work.

As always, let me know how it goes in the comments section below!

And, if you want some support with loving your self and your body this February . . . check out my new, super affordable e-course, 30 Days Of Body Love, by clicking here.

Golda is a certified holistic health counselor and founder of Body Love Wellness, a program designed for plus-sized women who are fed up with dieting and want support to stop obsessing about food and weight. To learn more about Golda and her work, click here.

{ 17 comments… read them below or add one }

Amit March 10, 2014 at 4:10 pm

“Dating yourself “? That’s something I had never heard before. But it seems to be a novel idea. Especially if you are suffering from depression, due to failed relationship. I feel it’s a really effective holistic technique to counter depression.
http://freehealthadvice.blog.com

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Katherine March 8, 2014 at 11:13 pm

I LOVE this idea. The same is true for women who are already in relationships. I feel that we can’t love someone else until we love ourselves and know ourselves fully.

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Christian March 7, 2014 at 4:18 am

I think the idea of dating yourself is great. Reminds me of the joke … when my girlfriend said she loved me. I said the feeling was mutual ‘coz I loved me too!

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Janet Elizabeth Swainston February 23, 2014 at 6:34 pm

I’ve been dating myself for years I guess *LOL*…..I mean…buying myself presents sounds a lot like just regular retail therapy….going to restaurants like just going to a restaurant…I’ve enjoyed my own company for years….never expecting to be joined by anyone and it hasn’t worked….not everything works for everyone you know…sometimes, some people just can’t attract anyone….I think I’m awesome and great to spend time with and do it all the time *LOL*….so…this sounds like a load of hooey to me…but, hey, if it works for you…and makes you happy, more power to you!

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fastest cat alive (@fastestcatalive) February 19, 2014 at 11:16 pm

The Powerful Practice Of Dating Yourself http://t.co/t3MerMDQMN | awww <3

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@FeastingFemme February 12, 2014 at 12:59 pm

I wonder if Mr. Feasting will mind if I date on the side? http://t.co/pAIK1x7GOf

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Janet Elizabeth Swainston February 12, 2014 at 5:57 pm

I’ve been dating myself for years I guess *LOL*…..I mean…buying myself presents sounds a lot like just regular retail therapy….going to restaurants like just going to a restaurant…I’ve enjoyed my own company for years….never expecting to be joined by anyone and it hasn’t worked….not everything works for everyone you know…sometimes, some people just can’t attract anyone….I think I’m awesome and great to spend time with and do it all the time *LOL*….so…this sounds like a load of hooey to me…but, hey, if it works for you…and makes you happy, more power to you!

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@circediradiva February 12, 2014 at 11:39 am

RT @bodylovewellnes The Powerful Practice Of Dating Yourself http://t.co/MzElLAnE2h

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Golda Poretsky, HHC (@bodylovewellnes) February 12, 2014 at 11:14 am

{New Post} The Powerful Practice Of Dating Yourself http://t.co/ZKfI3AFGvZ

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Mike S. February 12, 2014 at 10:37 am

I think one of the things a lot of people miss when they learn about dating is that to be a desirable, fun partner you first have to be someone that is comfortable and happy alone. In that sense, dating yourself is a fantastic idea.

Twilight is a fun fantasy, and I don’t begrudge anyone their enjoyment of it. But Bella is a terrible role model for anyone. She defines her entire life around her relationship. The books make very little mention of her hobbies, her favorite things to read, her favorite forms of exercise, art she likes to view or create, charitable causes, plans after high school, etc… In a real life a desirable romantic partner is someone that is caring, loving, considerate, intelligent, hard-working, and passionate but just as importantly has their own interesting life, because that’s part of what will make them appealing and interesting to others!

I’m glad it worked out for Amanda. And even if it hadn’t ended with a good relationship with someone else, it was still a good thing for her to do.

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Nathan February 25, 2014 at 12:13 am

I appreciate this post because I was there for a long time prior to meeting my wife. I think one of the healthiest things people can do who aren’t in a relationship is to date themselves as you mentioned. Take the time simply to enjoy being single and I agree with you, the right one is out there for any of you who are single.

Never depend on someone else to bring you happiness. Once you do find your partner you both will compliment each other. Appreciate the post. Thanks.

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