A Few Thoughts On The Youtube Trolls And Why It Really Is Okay To Be Fat And Visible

internet trolls image

A pretty accurate depiction of an internet troll

I really, really wanted my TEDx talk on “Why It’s Okay To Be Fat” to go viral.

And it kind of did go viral. I just didn’t think it would happen the way it did.

Within a day or two of the talk going live on youtube, troll groups on bodybuilding forums and reddit set out to systematically shut it down. Within less than a week, they had written around 3,000 comments, voted down or marked as spam any supportive comments, and did everything in their power to get as many thumbs down on the video itself as possible.

Comments are now disabled, mainly because many of my supporters contacted the TEDx people and convinced them to turn off the comments. (A GAZILLION THANKS TO ALL OF YOU, BY THE WAY.)

It seemed like about 5% of the negative comments were of the, “DUH! Fat is bad!!!” variety and the other 95% were personal attacks on my appearance. I got called everything from a fat whale (yeah, whales are terrible, I guess?), a fat cunt (again, not a terrible thing), to Chris Christie (I’m not a fan of his politics, but his fatness doesn’t bother me in the least).

To be honest, there were definitely moments when the comments got to me. Seeing a comment about your hideousness get 50 likes doesn’t exactly shore up your ego.

At the same time, I feel like I’m pretty much the perfect person for this to happen to, because I really can take it. I’ve been practicing and teaching body acceptance for so long that mean comments on the internet don’t hurt me the way they would someone less body loving. I’m really serious about my deep spiritual practice of not giving a shit.

The thing that upset me most about this experience was all of the emails I got from folks who said “your experience with these trolls is the reason I don’t have a vlog/ web presence/ more visibility in my work.” And that really, really bummed me out. Because my not so secret mission in life is to empower plus sized women to do the things in life that they really want to do. I hated that the trolls of this world had gotten the better of them.

That’s the thing that scares me most. I don’t fear trolls; I fear their chilling effect.

Every time you stop yourself from doing something because you’re worried about what trolls will do, they win.

So here’s my take on trolls. I think there are ways to manage trolls, and I feel like the last two weeks have been a helpful crash course for me. I hope this will be empowering for you.

  1. Trolls Are Assholes — Pardon my French on this, but trolls are assholes. Think about it — when you disagree with someone, do you call them names, make fun of their appearance, publicly wish for their death, and hide behind internet anonymity? Probably not. You might argue with them a bit, or you might move on with your life or both. Trolls are sad little dipshits emboldened by other sad little dipshits, masquerading as much tougher dipshits. That’s all. When you think of it that way, how can they have any impact on how you feel about yourself and live your life?
  2. Make Fun Of Trolls Whenever You Feel Like It — I used to have a firm “ignore all trolls” policy. I still have that policy for fora outside of twitter. But on twitter, all bets are off. Twitter is the most fun place to make fun of trolls because you’ll notice that (a) they have no followers, (b) they are terrible at witty banter, and (c) your twitter friends can join in and have a good laugh.
  3. Here are a few of my favorites:

  4. Never Give Trolls What They Ask For — Don’t debate with trolls. Trolls will often demand that you debate with them, send them more info, comment on XYZ. You owe them nothing. If someone is pleasant and asks for something, that’s one thing. But if they’re insulting in any way, don’t give them an inch. Mark them as spam or block them and move on. Don’t reply unless it feels fun to do so.

If this helps you, great. And if you disagree with it, that’s fine too. Just please don’t let them stop you from doing your thing!

By the way, if you’re looking to have a more body loving summer, you’re going to love The Summer Of Body Love. Click below to check it out.

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Golda is a certified holistic health counselor and founder of Body Love Wellness, a program designed for plus-sized women who are fed up with dieting and want support to stop obsessing about food and weight. To learn more about Golda and her work, click here.

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39 thoughts on “A Few Thoughts On The Youtube Trolls And Why It Really Is Okay To Be Fat And Visible

  1. I have to admit, I got a little teared up reading this. I’m always happy to jump into the trolling and lend wit and support to public fatties doing their thing. I’ve gone off on strangers/trolls about where they get their balls, and how if you’re not a doctor you have no right telling anyone else how to live–and even if you are, it’s questionable.

    But when it’s me…I can’t seem to do it. I often feel like I don’t have the right or strength to defend my own body and my own self. I feel fatter even than other fatties, ugly because of how carefully I crop and edit my own pics–even as I encourage others and tell them they are beautiful and don’t need to do this. I wish I knew how to get rid of this underlying sense of “fat acceptance is awesome, but doesn’t really apply to me since I ate myself into this mess” even though logically I know that my weight and health are separate, and that my health is the result of many different things.

    As always though, I find your blog encouraging.

  2. Larger people and people with mental illness are socially sanctioned targets for bullying. There are some very pathetic individuals out there who are desperate to be special snowflakes simply because of some random attribute such as thinness or perceived normal mental status. Being a racist is no longer acceptable in society at large, but picking on people of larger body types? Since the majority of people won’t call these jackasses on their stupid behavior when it comes to picking on heavy or mentally ill people, they’re having a field day with it.
    They’re pathetic. But it won’t stop until the majority start shooting them down.
    Just because you don’t find someone attractive does not give you carte blanche to bully them.
    I would implore everyone when they see bullying, no matter whether it is based on race, sexual orientation, size, or mental health to call the bully on their behavior. The more people who do this, the less the bullies will feel they are winning.

  3. I’m very sorry that you are going through this. I found your TED talk, and shared it with everyone I know. They shared it with everyone they know. I then because a reader here. Your video touched people.

    I wanted you to hear that because I don’t want the trolling terrible comments to outweigh the good ones.

  4. Way to be SUPER classy, Golda.

    I am so glad you didn’t let that trolling get to you. People that have to drag other people down to feel good about themselves are not worth our time or emotions.

  5. My hat is off to you for your courage in dealing with the trolls. It’s soul-sucking, and I applaud your strength.

    Unfortunately, I think this kind of battle is incredibly difficult to win – even if you soundly beat them in a battle of wits (and I do love your comments), they put so much noise around the discussion that passers-by lose interest in separating the useful discussion out of the flame war.

    About ten years ago there was a surge in interest in a particular type of exercise based on very slow movements, marketed under the brands “Super Slow” and “Slow Burn” and “Power of 10”. I think 90% of the fitness articles on it had a body containing informative text about three words longer than the headline, and the rest was devoted to rehashing traditional exercise and why it was considered superior. I’m not going to assert Super Slow is worthwhile or effective, but at the least it deserved more than a three sentence description before the reader was served the status quo.

    Anyone discussing fat acceptance and Health at Every Size has the same problem – too damn many news articles and fitness forums that raise the issue spend far more time defending the mainstream positions on obesity and health than examining your arguments.

  6. Golda I want to thank you for you strength. You are an amazing example of what everyone should do in their own lives. Talk about and take actions in their own lives that support that. I will admit I too got freaked out by the comments. I am about to do videos for my relationships book and I am not a petite. I have also come out of a month where I did my first cable access interview and public speech where I was so proud of the speech and then saw the video later and felt like crap about it. So being public and not the picture of societies view of perfect has been on my mind. Thank you for what you do, thank you for being brave and thank you for sharing your heart, your work and your inner thoughts with us. I spent some quality time last week, a couple of days, voting down trolls on your video and it finally got so upsetting I had to force myself to just not look. Again thank you and I am sending you a huge virtual hug. You’re my hero.

  7. I found this quote in The Guardian this morning and have been posting it everywhere. It was about the suffragette movement and it’s from Rebecca West:

    “The real force that made the suffrage movement was the quality of the opposition. Women, listening to anti-suffrage speeches, for the first time knew what many men really thought of them.”.

    Or to put it another way, the time when hate becomes visible is the time that other people realise they can’t stand by.

    1. I was just thinking that, Chloe but would never had said it so well. Other people on the fence, reading those comments, could at least see what we face in our lives.

  8. Great post. I only have a few videos up with, like, ZERO reach and I still get at least one comment a month (years later) calling names or making fun. It doesn’t sting as much as it used to, but it makes me VERY hesitant to continue making videos. I’m working on it, thanks for the pep talk! (It felt like a pep talk, regardless of intent. LOL)

  9. Hi Golda. Thank you for this post. I have to admit that, while I didn’t write to you directly, watching the Trolls come out in full force on your video completely terrified me. Your video came out just at the time I am beginning the first stages of filming for YouTube, myself. And while I didn’t let watching this troll action stop my plans, it did freak me out. You’re right….. can’t let them win. But I know that it will be hard at first, until I get an even thicker skin than I have right now. Thanks again for your courageousness – and for this comforting follow-up post. <3

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