It was only about 6 or 7 years ago that I thought that I could accept my fat if I could just be “the good kind of fat.”
I thought that if I could have that really hourglass figure that plus size models often seem to have, then, and only then could I accept my fat.
Of course, that got me nowhere since it’s pretty impossible to change your shape without a bunch of cosmetic surgery, and “elective surgery” is not really in my vocabulary.
Curvy Privilege?
I hadn’t thought about wanting a different kind of fat body in a long time, but this concept came up with a client recently. She said that from my pictures, she thought I had that “good kind of fat” body and worried that I might not understand what it’s like not to have that. This client is actually quite a bit thinner than me, but she thought that I was “very curvy” and therefore wouldn’t understand what it’s like to have a less curvy* fat body.
I found this very interesting on a number of levels, and I found myself reassuring her that I, indeed, did not have a very curvy body (there’s about a one inch difference between my hips and my waist) and that even if our body types are not alike, that I can still understand and empathize with her, since that’s what I do for a living!
But beyond that, I got to thinking about how “the good kind of _________” shows up in various minority groups, where the “good kind of” whatever is always whatever looks the most like what is prized in the dominant culture. If you have the “right” skin color or hair color or nose shape you might just pass for the dominant culture and get whatever privilege may be attached to that.
And so I think the same thing happens with fat. If you’ve got “curves in all the right places” and you’re fat, you may get snippets of thin privilege that would be denied to a fat person of relatively the same size but with a different shape. Of course, I’m talking about female identified people when I’m talking about curvaceousness. Perhaps it works the opposite way with male identified folks, but I’m not sure.
I recognize that I get little snippets of thin privilege myself — because my hips are relatively narrow, I don’t have to worry about things like sitting in airline seats, and I don’t have to deal with people looking at me with dread that I might (OMG!!!) sit next to them (the subway, however, is a different story). But I’m fat enough that I can’t ever “pass” for thin-ish the way I did when I was a size 14/16.
Going Forward
Going forward, I think it’s important to acknowledge the ways that these “good kind of fat” conversations happen, and do our best to be aware of it. I don’t think it does anyone any good to make body acceptance about imposing the same beauty norms from the dominant culture onto fatter bodies. We need to explode those beauty norms as best we can, by acknowledging the amazing diversity of bodies.
Your kind of fat IS the good kind of fat.
*This is one of the reasons why I hate the word curvy as a euphemism for fat.
Golda is a certified holistic health counselor and founder of Body Love Wellness, a program designed for plus-sized women who are fed up with dieting and want support to stop obsessing about food and weight. To learn more about Golda and her work, click here.
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I’ve always felt like my body was not “the good Kind of fat”. My mum would lightly compare my lack of waist to being like a tree trunk; I lack any kind of ass, it is very flat; my sister would comment on my double chin; my legs were thick and stocky despite being long, I was made aware my knees were not attractive so I’d try cover them, wearing stockings in summer; my eyelashes were short and straight, with no feminine curl, “like a horses” my mother would compare with no ill spirit. My back was referred to by many as “broad”, “big”, “wide” and told by a few that I’d make a “good swimmer.” It’s only now that I have gained 8 kilos that I look back at slim photos of myself and think… Wow! I was slim! Proportionate! My legs and waist and arms are not as big as I imagine. I realise I hate my body for having a thick waist, but really – what is the problem? Only comparison, and not appreciating what I have. Instead of looking for parts of me I love,I participate/d in the vicious cycle. I am only now beginning to heal and move on from placing my self worth in something so flimsy and changeable. Thanks for your post. There is no right or wrong fat… No comparison helps. Self love is the only way…
Your fat IS the “good kind” of fat! – @bodylovewellnes http://t.co/rnG0J7hFVv
On curvaceousness and snipits of thin privilege http://t.co/64pTQE4u1l #fb
Your fat IS the “good kind” of fat! – @bodylovewellnes http://t.co/y95EnZx3Lr
The http://t.co/C9ewbhdyOL via @@bodylovewellnes
Your fat IS the “good kind” of fat! – @bodylovewellnes http://t.co/jP02h4jUCd
I’ve thought about this a lot before, how curvy is considered the “good kind” of fat. http://t.co/rcPS8yi1df
Yes! It seems like the only way to love your fat (at least on the internet) is by being a hot pin-up. It’s like, Hey, I can still be objectified……what if I don’t WANT to be objectified? I’m not a femme and not interested in learning that language, except occasionally.
Your fat IS the “good kind” of fat! – @bodylovewellnes http://t.co/EsFBoRIREC
As a “weird” shaped fat woman (extremely large, protruding, double roll belly – no arse, relatively lean legs) I often feel that I never see representations of myself in fat positive media. Yes, women like Beth Ditto, Tess Munster etc are beautiful fat women, but with culturally acceptable, hourglass shapes… they do not represent me. Not to mention hairless, pale-white, blemish free skin, shiny long hair, ultra-femme presentation, pretty faces. None of those things represent me.
So it is very hard to feel “acceptable” when we don’t meet yet another bunch of criteria and are not seeing versions of ourselves in fat positive media.
That’s why I try to be out there myself, being the person I need to see, you know?
Word. I have a big nose, but not the “right kind of big nose” and thin lips, etc. Meanies and misogynists will always be there with a comment, so be you! Be the shit out of you!
Yeah, there seems to be a big push for fat women to be pin-up goddesses. Now, I’ve got nothing against pin-up goddesses–Elvis knows I’ve ogled my fair share–but unless I’m making a concerted effort to fancy up for my girlfriend, I’m nowhere near a pin-up, rockabilly chick, or any other retro fashion plate. Some days I’m butch as hell, complete with messy hair, shitkicker boots, and leather vest; and others, I’m in full makeup, a full-length skirt, a headscarf, and an abaya straight out of Morticia Addams’s trip to Jordan. (I *do* fit the ultra-pale, blemish-free stereotype, but that’s a matter of genetics. Sunlight and I are not what you’d call friends.) More and more frequently, when I *do* find cute clothes that fit me, they seem to be designed for someone else’s personality. If fabric weren’t so expensive and I had the time and energy, I’d start making all my clothes.
Oddly, the best place I’ve found to shop for clothes that fit and suit my style is Goodwill. I think it’s because you never know what you’re going to find. Also, EastEssence.com, but that’s because they carry very modest clothing–the site is aimed at observant Muslim women–in sizes up to something like 7X, and a lot of their clothes are just plain cool. Modest cotton clothing + Rit SunGuard = I get to go to the zoo with my friends, huzzah!
yeah! it’s absurd, this idea that we are ‘supposed’ to fit everyone’s random tastes~anyone else here recognize this insanity? our bodies; *we* get to choose! and they’ve got to deal w the reality of diverse bodies at some point (as well as anything else individual) so it’s not doing them any kind of favor to prolong that fact
“That’s why I try to be out there myself, being the person I need to see, you know?”
I love this! Also, no-arse-lean-legs-blemished-skin fistbump to you :)
I have seen you before, you ROCK! Was it not you with pink hair at a mall? I LOVE YOU! I believe I read your blog before and it made me feel great. Oh and Mellisa McCarthy isn’t really traditionally hourglassy and she is BEAUTIFUL. As was the lovely miss Cass Elliot, again not really hourglassy. But I do know what you mean. I have many times felt like I’m a sub-class within a sub-class.