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If there’s one meme that makes me particularly nuts about weight loss gurus, it’s this one:
Yes. I'm sure having two slim parents and millions of dollars has nothing to do with your physique. (Image from pinterest.)
“I lost weight, so you can too!”
This concept is so ludicrous, but we all believe it. In a weird way, it makes sense to us. We think, here is a fellow human who is thin and/or lost weight. I’m a human, so it should work for me too!
But we forget that being human may be where the similarities end between us.
Here are some things to consider:
1) Genetics — About 70% of weight variation is based on genetics. [1]In other words, fatness is incredibly hereditary. If no matter what you do, you still have your mom’s thighs or your dad’s double chin, that’s because genes have a huge effect on relative fatness, and where it shows up on our bodies.
2) Circumstances — This should be pretty obvious too, but people lead really different lives, with varying obligations, stress levels, health concerns, work schedules, access to food, access to workout equipment, access to sunlight, etc. And these circumstances all play a huge role in how one’s body might respond to whatever “plan” is being pushed on it.
3) Metabolism/Bodily Differences — People’s bodies are really different. The calories in/ calories out model that is so cheerfully touted is not based on reality. People’s metabolisms, their ability to lose weight, gain weight, gain muscle, etc. is all highly individualized.
4) All Weight Is Not Created Equal — People lose weight and gain weight for a lot of different reasons, and sometimes even they don’t know why. Some folks who obsess about losing their “baby weight” may have lost it anyway because they’re genetically predisposed to do so. A lot of us know that guy who lost a few pounds after he stopped drinking soda, but that doesn’t mean that will happen for someone else. And the “stopped drinking soda guy” may have drunk more soda in a day than you do in a month. Sometimes following Health At Every Size principles results in weight loss for some folks, and it may result in weight gain for others. And it’s hard to predict what will happen to whom.
5) The “I Did It” Folks Are Outliers — Only about 5% of folks who lose weight actually keep it off past the 5 year mark, and usually they didn’t lose all that much weight to start. The huge, vast majority of people who lose weight gain it all back, often plus more, within 3-5 years. So these “I did it!” folks usually fall into 1 of 4 categories (a) statistical anomaly, (b) still in the honeymoon phase before hitting the dreaded 3 year mark, (c) didn’t lose much to begin with, and (d) totally lying.
Basically, everyone is really different. Remember this the next time you start to fall for the “I Did It, So You Can Too” Phenomenon!
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Golda is a certified holistic health counselor and founder of Body Love Wellness, a program designed for plus-sized women who are fed up with dieting and want support to stop obsessing about food and weight. Go to http://www.bodylovewellness.com/free to get her NEW free gift — Golda’s Top 5 Tips For Loving The Body You Have Right Now!
- [1] Linda Bacon, Health At Every Size: The Surprising Truth About Your Weight (Dallas: Benbella Books, 2008) 137 ↩
{ 36 comments… read them below or add one }
This is so great! The “I Did It, So You Can Too!” Phenomenon http://t.co/SJhxfEl8qo
Oh, I hate this kind of thinking. Recently my church group planned a hike but gave no information on the details, how long, what kind of terrain, etc. So I asked what kind of hike it was, beginner, advanced etc. I was told that it was a beginner hike after I specifically introduced that language myself but the answer I kept getting from the organizer was, “well I can do it” so clearly if she can do it that automatically means every other person can do it too. That’s an amazingly self-centered thought pattern. So I decide to go. I get there and the hike is an unspecified length (still don’t know how far it was) but I couldn’t quite finish it and had to turn back because the terrain was almost exclusively on an incline. I was prepared for a flat hike of some distance, not a climbing hike which is much harder. Several people could not finish. I guess the fact that “you can do it” is utterly meaningless.
For whatever reason I’ve been hearing this a lot lately. It hits me hard because I want to just shake them and go no, I can’t even though I would love to be able to. Mostly comes down to time. I do not have enough time in the day to work out. Best I can manage is a 1-2 mile walk 3 to 4 times a week when I walk my dogs because I will take time out of my life to give my dogs what they need, and they love their walks too much for me to be too tired to do it for them. But from I wake up till about 5:30 when I get home that’s getting ready for work/being at work/driving to or from work time. After 5:30 I only have until 9 to get any errands done that I need to do and any chores around the house I can get done. Sure, I COULD work out. I mean, the errands and chores and cooking dinner usually only take 2 hours and I don’t go to sleep till usually 10:30 or 11. But you know what, spending every hour of my day doing nothing but shit i HAVE to do to survive is not fun, and my stress/anxiety levels cannot handle it. I don’t have time to work out because if I took the time I would not have time to keep myself happy and mentally healthy.
Sure, I guess it boils down to I just don’t want to, but why can’t that be enough of an answer? I hate working out anyways. I went to the gym for a while when it was financially possible and it was close to work so it was easy to pop by after I got off. Now, I don’t really have the money for the monthly membership and a gym is not on my drive home so going to one would take me a good deal out of my way. I want time to enjoy being alive, dammit.
I’ll bet just with walking your dogs you’re pretty darn close to the CDC’s recommendation of a total of 150 minutes per week of exercise anyways. Walking the dog totally “counts”.
The “I Did It, So You Can Too!” Phenomenon: http://t.co/d5V5edSs And we cal BS! #HAES
I am new to this blog. heck I hardly know what a blog is (I am 62 – forgive me). I have spent a lifetime struggling to stay slim, but I am not genetically obese – just a tendency towards being zaftig (pleasingly plump – yiddish). My mother was obese and I spent my childhood experiencing her never ending struggle with her weight. Literally, during a code blue after her final heart attack she said to the attending code blue staff “Am I dying? Oh good – I don’t have to diet anymore.” I want to ease the suffering of the obese in anyway that I can. Is that wrong of me? If it is not wrong of me to want to help, then can you tell me the best way that I can help.
Looking forward to your comments.
Jennifer
Hi Jennifer. I think the best way to “ease the suffering of the obese” is to end discrimination against fat people and recognize that bodies come in all different shapes and sizes. Fat is not the thing that makes us suffer, it’s society’s perception of the meaning of fat. So maybe check out this blog a bit and see what you think!
thank you for your response.
Jennifer
I agree with everything you said, but I still have to try to lose weight. Two reasons: Don’t smack me up the side of the head, but I really hate the way I look and feel, and clothes (especially dresses) look awful on me. It’s a major effort just to get up from sitting on the floor.
Two, is medical. I am close to being a type 2 diabetic, and I do not believe there is an effective treatment for it. The drugs that lower blood glucose do only that. They mask the disease, they don’t treat it. Possibly the only effective method of delaying complications of diabetes is weight loss and exercise. Plus, I avoid going to see my doctor for any reason, because of how I look and that she will want to put me on medication.
Yes, I know I’m a dumbass, but so far, I haven’t been able to change my attitude. No matter how many times I fail, I just can’t give it up. Healthy eating (the current code word for doing something different) just makes me gain weight.
Hi Aggie,
I’m sorry to hear that you’re struggling so much. All the things you’re dealing with — feeling bad about your body, worrying about your health, and not being treated well by doctors feel just terrible.
I just want to share a few things with you. One is that weight loss is only a temporary fix for diabetes. And because the statistics indicate that nearly everyone gains the weight back, it’s certainly not an answer. Secondly, if you fear that your doctor will want to put you on diabetes drugs because of your size, rather than avoid the doctor, it may be a good idea to find another one who will at least give you some options. Thirdly, it is possible to come to terms with your body and love it, no matter what your size. It’s not necessarily easy or fast, but it’s possible.
Last but not least, your last sentence gave me pause. What are you doing to lose weight now?
Sending you hugs,
Golda
Thanks, Golda, as always you are a sweetheart. My doctor really is not bad. In fact, she is overweight, too, but she still believes in all the drugs, etc. as viable treatments for diabetes. I don’t. Also, I just don’t want to go to the doctor for anything. Hope I stay relatively healthy.
I’m not really doing anything to lose weight at this point. I’m dithering. I suppose if I try anything, it will be low carb again. I read junfoodscience.blogspot.com (wish she were still wrting!) and I know it’s probably futile. I guess I’m like the gambler who keeps throwing good money after bad. At the very least, I should try to exercise, but I’m not good at keeping up with that, either. Perhaps that is why I feel like a failure. I can’t seem to stick to any sort of change in my routine.
Anyway, I do appreciate your posts and comments, even if I haven’t completely digested them emotionally yet. :-)
Sorry for jumping in so much here, but if you’re worried about diabetes, the best cure I know of is to add moderate activity to your life. You don’t have to train for a marathon or swim the English Channel. Just 30 minutes most days helps a lot of people. Even if you don’t lose weight as a result, the exercise can help.
Aggie, I must admit I’m still there with you as well. I can’t get past how much I hate what I see in the mirror. Hate the way I look in clothes. At 4’10 1/2″ , I’m not one of those statuesque women who “can carry their weight” well. Also, like you, I’m a little too close to Diabetes for comfort. Diabetes is rampant in my family. So, as sick as I am of the whole thing; how frustrated I am by my lack of success, here I am on Atkins, AGAIN.
I have the same problem with clothes because I am short, too. I can’t shop at Lane Bryant or many other plus size stores, because their tops are so long! The pants come in short sizes, but the tops and dresses are always so over-sized for me.
I don’t want to get into diets much, because I know this site is not about that, but I have tried them all. I don’t stick to any of them for long. So, in my head, I know it’s futile, but I feel I have to try. You have one side screaming no carbs (for diabetics) and the other saying that fat, particularly saturated fat, is the worst think for diabetics, and that whole grains and low fat are the answer. *sigh*
You’re not a dumbass, and I know how you feel. But you don’t deserve to feel like a failure, when it’s not YOU who’s failing, it’s the system. Have you ever heard of Kate Harding and Marianne Kirby’s book “Lessons from the Fat-o-sphere: Quit Dieting and Declare a Truce with your Body”? If you’re interested in reading something that teaches you the building blocks to loving how you look (and ways to feel great, too), you should read it. You can even have my copy. If you’re interested, I will mail it to you!
Thanks, Genevieve, you are very kind. I have read that book, and many others like it. I agree with everything that is said, but it doesn’t seem to affect my views of myself. Every time I quit dieting, I start gaining and that always scares me.
The system is failing and it’s getting worse. I have had the same experience Ronnie has when expressing that I just can’t lose weight no matter what I do. People just open fire on you. I know I shouldn’t but sometimes I wish I could take every person who is naturally slender and wish this upon them. That goes for most dieticians, too. They haven’t a clue what it is like to go to bed with your stomach growling.
…also, that “calories in/calories out” law of thermodynamics applies only to closed systems. The human body is not a closed system.
Yes. Exactly.
I usually respond with something like “I can hit the A above high C. If I can do it, you can do it!” (OK, I can’t NOW, but at one time in my life I could) or “Roger Bannister broke the human speed record when he broke the four-minute mile. If he can do it, you can do it.” or “Petar Stoychev swam the English Channel in less than 7 hours. If he can do it, you can do it!” or “Madame Curie won two Nobel prizes in the sciences. If she can do it, you can do it!” The more rediculous the claim “you can do it” is (e.g. use the Madame Curie example to someone who can’t get the concept that vinegar and baking soda fizz), the more successful the retort becomes.
Love that!!!
Thanks for this post! It’s very inspiring and I wish I could get all my weight obsessed friends to read it too… It’s so easy to get sucked into the diet fad mentality, without knowing all the right facts. Everyone should just focus on living life to the full… We only live once so let’s focus on loving ourselves the way we are today!
You’re welcome! Maybe you could email them the link… Be sneaky about it and put the subject line as “awesome diet tips” or something. :D
Golda, awesome post as always! The weight-loss companies’ bread-and-butter is the phrase “If I did it, so can you.” It’s irritating, insulting and like you say up top, totally inaccurate. (BTW, Paltrow’s quote is all those things as well!) Thank you for this.
I’m glad you like it, Margarita! I was just thinking of you the other day. I hope you’re doing well! xo
I love your post as I know how all the “rules” and one-way eating plans can just make us feel like failures! I posted A Love Affair With Food to address this with my readers because I know you can Love Yourself Naked! Thanks for sharing your view on this.
Awesome!
The “I Did It, So You Can Too!” Phenomenon – the assumption that because one person has lost weight that ANYONE… http://t.co/UvClWu1g
Great piece on the “I did it, so can you!” phenomenon (and why it’s a pack of lies!) http://t.co/jpvzqyxv
Yes, Gwyneth, you’ve done so well to go from your previously obese self into the sylph-like creature you are today. Your hard work has truly paid dividends. Good job!!
:D
Thanks for posting this – for saying this! Just recently I said something on facebook about my total inability to lose weight no matter what I’ve tried and I got BOMBARDED with “I did this and it worked for me”, and “if you’d just do this, or give up that….” You know, we’ve all heard it. And to top it off, there wasn’t a thing people threw at me that I HADN’T ALREADY TRIED! Grrrr. And then you see these celebrities doing this weight loss commercials and I feel like throwing a shoe at the t.v. Yeah, if I had their money, I could afford to have someone fix my meals, hire a trainer….
This needed saying. I just wish the rest of the world could “get it”.
Ugh. You make a good point — so many people, not just the famous ones, use this meme too. 95% of the people who are bombarding your FB account will feel silly about it in just a couple of years. It’s so insidious.
I was just thinking about this – two posts before I saw this in my FB someone else had sent me a BEFORE + AFTER weight loss photo and story. I used to work in a fitness club where they had weight loss contests and did those photos. I can’t stand looking at them anymore. The way they are presented, they might as well be captioned “gross, awful, terrifying, embarrassing, miserable” + “fantastic, glorious, beautiful, happy, never-sad”. The attitude is that someone who looks like the “before” can’t possibly have anything good going for them. Once you get looking like the “after” photo everything in life is better. I’m so tired of this two-dimensional attitude about life.
I know Liz. I try to think of every single picture of me as a “now” picture instead of a “before” picture or an “after” picture.
Jeanette I love that idea. I’m a veritable camera show pony but even the odd unflattering shot will catch me off guard. I will think – this is how I look now (and remind myself that a photo can’t really capture my true fabulousness anyway)
If there’s one meme that makes me particularly nuts about weight loss gurus, it’s this one:
“I lost weight, so… http://t.co/5TJ5kJMo
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