by Golda Poretsky, H.H.C.
Oh, Valentine’s Day. It does such a number on so many people. Whether you’re in a relationship and don’t know how to celebrate or you’re not in a relationship and nearly hallucinating a hoarde of happy couples wherever you go, Valentine’s Day can easily mess you up.
I remember one particularly heinous Valentine’s Day weekend back in 2006. Valentine’s Day was on a Tuesday, so it was as if the whole weekend beforehand were reserved for happy couples. I hadn’t had a date in a year. All of my friends were coupled off. I spent nearly the entire weekend at home, studying my Institute for Integrative Nutrition homework and reading a dreary 19th century novel. Those two things, in and of themselves, were not so bad, but from my perspective at the time, they felt like symptoms of my angst-ridden singleness.
Then, on Sunday afternoon of that never-ending weekend, my doorbell rang. I wrapped my shawl around my shoulders and went to the door.
At first, all I saw was a bouquet of roses. But there was my apartment building’s super, a tiny, sprightly octogenarian, bringing me flowers during my lonely Valentine’s Day weekend.
I’m not telling you this to say that if you’re feeling really lonely someone’s going to show up with a bouquet of flowers. Nor will I say that I wasn’t often creeped out by my super’s willingness to ignore a 50 year age difference, and later on, my boyfriend. But I will tell you that from that day on, I started acknowledging the fact that someone in my life had feelings for me. He might have been a head shorter and a half century older, but he dug me. And that was cool, and not another reason to think I was a dork. I decided to let that feeling of being admired sink into my bones and my bloodstream, and to know that there was more love and adoration coming my way.
After playing with this idea for about two months, I started getting way more dates from the same online dating sites that were yielding nothing a few months before.
Sometimes you just have to feel the love before it’s really there.
So, this week, if you’re feeling unloved, try this technique. Start thinking of all the people in your life who express their love for you (or even their “like” for you). Think about your friends who think you’re awesome, the guy at the deli who gives you a free cup of coffee now and again, your coworker who thinks your impressions are hilarious, family members who adore you, people in your life who might not be there now but who were important to you at one time, even your pets who freak out with happiness when you’re near. Write it all down if it feel right. Then notice if you find yourself feeling more loved. As always, let me know how it goes in the comments below.
Golda is a certified holistic health counselor and founder of Body Love Wellness, a program designed for plus-sized women who are fed up with dieting and want support to stop obsessing about food and weight. To learn more about Golda and her work, click here.
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