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Hello, dear readers! It’s good to be back! And just in time for Thanksgiving!

The holidays can bring up a lot of stuff. For some, it’s a joyous time of friends, fun, and delicious food. For others, it’s difficult and even traumatic. And of course, for many people, the experience of the holidays falls somewhere in between.

The messages we get about food around the holidays can be confronting as well as contradictory. You might have one relative who feels insulted when you don’t have seconds of their candied yams, and another relative who admonishes you for how much you’re eating. Even if you’re now an adult and family members don’t feel comfortable actually telling you what to eat, the holidays can bring up those feelings and experiences from childhood and cause you to relive them all over again.

I’m going to share a tip with you that is great to use at the holidays or any time when you’re getting contradictory information about what to eat. Sometimes the contradictory information is external (friends or relatives talking about what you should eat) or internal (diet rules from that cabbage diet you did five years ago getting in the way of what you need now).

This Thanksgiving, I want you to talk to yourself and treat yourself as a kindly parent would. This means that you ask yourself what you want to do in a situation, and then follow through and take care of it.
As an example, imagine you’re at Thanksgiving dinner. Your Aunt Sally is pushing you to try her pumpkin pie and your father is shooting you a “you had too much food already” glance. Aside from telling them both to shove it, what can you do? Using this tip, take a moment to ask yourself, in a kindly voice, if you would like more pie. Listen to the answer. It might be that you don’t want more pumpkin pie, but want more cake. It might be that you’re not hungry anymore. Or it might be something else. Listen to the answer and act upon it, knowing that you are doing what you want to do and you’ve made the best choice for you.

The goal of using this technique is to listen in to what you want to do by treating yourself with love. The point is not to pressure yourself into a decision. In fact, in the example above, you could tell your aunt that you’re not sure if you want more pie and want to take some time to see if you do.

This tip is also great to use if you have food allergies or other health concerns where eating what you think you want can be difficult. For example, when I eat wheat, my stomach gets upset and my skin gets itchy. One might think that that would be enough to keep me away from wheat, but I love bagels and bread with a love so fierce that I am loathe to speak of it. About 95% of the time, I’m able to avoid it by enjoying other foods and having the occasional gluten free English muffin. But it ain’t easy. So I use this technique often and recommend it to my clients often. For food allergies, I recommend using a loving voice and reminding yourself of why that food is problematic for you. In my case, I would think something like this, “Honey, I know you love bagels but remember how you feel when you eat them? You don’t want your stomach to hurt when you’re on the phone with your clients. What would you like to have instead?” And then I act on my internal response. Again, the point of this is to treat yourself with love. This technique reminds you that your health is important and that you are loved. You ask yourself lovingly what you need and then give it to yourself lovingly.

When you treat yourself with love by talking to yourself lovingly and acting lovingly, you’re better able to stay aware of your true needs and treat yourself in a healing manner.

As always, try this tip and let me know how it goes!

Golda is a certified holistic health counselor and founder of Body Love Wellness, a program designed for plus-sized women who are fed up with dieting and want support to stop obsessing about food and weight. To learn more about Golda and her work, click here.