by Golda Poretsky, H.H.C.
Over at More Of Me To Love, one of our members posted a great question in the forum about healthy eating vs. eating what you want. I think it’s a really important topic and something that BLW readers might be interested in.
QUESTION (Redacted): There are two things being said in the HAES literature: that you should eat whatever you want on one hand and that you should eat healthy on the other. What if those two things are not the same? Also: what about children? Should they get to eat whatever they want or should parents guide them? I am just not sure that without their fully-formed judgment capabilities they would be able to know when and what they want.
ANSWER: This is such a great question. I love the way you’re researching what is right for you and staying open to different possibilities.
I actually think that healthy eating and eating what you want can very easily become one and the same thing. Bear with me here because I know this may sound a little strange.
First, what is healthy eating? I would define it as eating mostly whole foods—lots of greens, whole grains, healthy fats, and protein, and staying away as much as possible from highly processed foods. I think most people will agree with that definition, give or take the grains. But healthy eating is also about more than that—it’s about having a healthy relationship with food, where you savor and enjoy your food, gauge your hunger and satiety levels, and notice when you’re eating from hunger or eating emotionally.
Then, what does it mean to eat whatever you want? It sounds like the show you watched portrayed it as eating junk food all day, but I don’t think that’s really want most people want. If we recharacterize it as “eating whatever your body wants” then it takes on a different tone. Eating whatever your body wants means going within and checking in with yourself. It means asking yourself, “what am I really hungry for right now?” You could hear the answer as “protein” or “a salad” or “doritos” or “nothing” or “a walk in the park” or “a hug”. Eating whatever you want means listening to the cues that your body gives you and satisfying that need. In other words, it is a lot like healthy eating.
Getting to the point where “healthy eating” and “eating whatever you want” are really one and the same can be a long process. It can even mean a period where you end up eating all of the foods that you once forbade yourself from eating. I do this process with many of my clients as part of my program.
With respect to kids, I think it’s really important to teach children about whole foods, about savoring foods, and about how certain foods affect their bodies positively and negatively. I think if you give children real information and don’t punish them for the way that they want to eat, that they will learn for themselves what really nourishes them.
As always, you can bring your questions here to the Body Love Wellness Blog, or check out More Of Me To Love’s awesome forums.
@BlackIsInYo *hates Ezio, but haes Vieri even more*
Ruth — Thanks for your comment! I want to honor you for choosing to change your relationship with food. That is fantastic. And I’m glad this blog has helped!
That is a great question, and a great answer as well. I’ve just started reading the Health at Every Size book, and am slowly coming to terms with what it means to have a healthy relationship with food, and how to actually achieve it. Your answer helps to put something into perspective for me, because until I started reading this, I would have characterized “eat what you want” as giving in to a craving, rather than giving my body what it needs at that moment.
Thanks, Homeopath, for stopping by! I’m glad you enjoyed it.
Interesting blog you have here
Wow, Kris. It sounds like your parents were incredibly reasonable and thoughtful when it comes to food. Thank you for sharing this!
When I was a kid, there were never ‘banned’ foods, and my parents involved me a lot in the cooking process – making foods, trying different things, watching cooking shows together. While we didn’t typically have a ton of junk food in the house, if I wanted a chocolate bar or something, it was no big deal. I was also encouraged to try things if I was curious about them – maybe just a forkful from my mom or dad’s plate, or taking a tiny amount from a buffet, but unless I was explicitly allergic to something (which didn’t develop until later) no one ever told me I couldn’t try something or that I wouldn’t like it.
I was also never forced to clean my plate (although I was encouraged to pay attention to how much I’d eaten, so that next time when serving myself I’d take less and go back for seconds if necessary, rather than wasting food.)
As a result I was pretty tuned into my body, and would eat a huge variety of things, and I kept myself fairly well ‘balanced’ in terms of food intake. You could pretty much be certain that my intake would match my recent activity levels (more if I’d just been playing soccer, less if it’d been an average school day) and also what else I’d been eating recently (pizza one night? I’d probably be asking for a nice salad or some fresh vegetables with dinner the next.)
So I think handled well, kids CAN learn to eat well and pay attention to their bodies. I think part of the trick is giving them the freedom to do so. That doesn’t necessarily mean cooking every kid in the house something different for dinner – but if you’re serving something and the kid really wants some fresh fruit, or more protein, or whatever, you have to let them have it. Otherwise you’re just starting the cycle of ignoring what your body is saying. (Which I unfortunately learned to do at some point and now need to un-learn.)
That said, the one food I probably WOULD limit are the ones that can be kind of addictive in terms of sugar/flavorings. Like, when I was a kid and I wanted a chocolate bar, I got A chocolate bar. I didn’t get a whole box full of them. ’cause some stuff it is easy to keep eating just because it tastes good, and kids don’t necessarily have the self control to stop when the original urge is satisfied.
I think that’s a great point, walkingrules. It’s important to allow yourself to experiment with different foods and try different things so that you can get really in touch with what you like and give yourself more options.
Great answer! With respect to kids… they're funny. Some of them like to eat all day long, some of them live on air. Making a big fuss about what or when they eat isn't the best way to go. But when they see a parent eating well and with enjoyment, they get curious and will at least try some of what you're having. Daniel (my son) just figured out tonight that he likes green beans. ;)
I also think a key element of this is to TRY EVERYTHING. If you’re dying for something salty, you might go for something like doritos instead of a healthier option that you didn’t even know existed, but would satisfy you just as well.